But have you guys even watched Orange Is the New Black yet? It’s just SO GOOD.
—HANNAH HART, every day of fall 2013
At this stage of our cooking adventure, you may be wondering if I’m ever going to teach you some small addition that can be incorporated into many meals. Like a fancy type of sauce that will go with different dishes or something.
Well . . . um . . . here is my best attempt at that.
But first I have a question FOR YOU (bet you didn’t see that one coming)!
Are there cooking programs in prison? Because I think that making different types of something . . . perhaps butter . . . would be a good activity for inmates. Seems smart. Low risk of injury or exposure to lethal weapons. Aside from cholesterol, maybe?
Cocktail
Hooch made from somewhere! (Apparently people can make moonshine in prison? Or at least they can on TV?)
WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN YOU DRINK PRISON HOOCH OUT OF A COFFEE CUP?
A MUG SHOT.
Ingredients
* tons of buttah
* tons of various herbs and spices (see my choices in the instructions)
* a device for compounding
* whatever else you want to mix in
Instructions
Cut the butter into cubes using a non-sharp object that you couldn’t possibly shank somebody with. Then wait for it to get to room temperature and maybe talk to your fellow inmate about how their rehabilitative therapy is going. After that winding road of conversation, go ahead and mix your butter with the herbs and spices you’ve been allowed.
Now, I personally don’t find cooking to be relaxing and/or therapeutic. But I do think that mashing things together could probably help work out some aggression. Might even open some doors for time on the outside! Could be your new . . . dare I say it . . . bread and butter?*
WARNING: Don’t ever, EVER use a sharp knife when drunk-cooking. A butter knife should be more than enough. It serves as an excellent indicator of what you should/should not be attempting to cook. For instance, you know what a butter knife can’t cut through? RAW STEAK. So maybe you shouldn’t be trying to cook meat products. (Or if you do feel like trying your hand at meat, see Pansteak.)