ENDNOTES

Chapter One: The Five Flirting Styles

For years, school, work, and through friends (box)…Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W. Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (in press). Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science.

After years of slow, steady growth…Sprecher, S., Schwartz, P., Harvey, J., & Hatfield, E. (2008). TheBusinessofLove.com: Relationship initiation at internet matchmaking services. In S. Sprecher, A. Wenzel, & J. Harvey (Eds.), Handbook of relationship initiation (pp. 249–268). New York: Psychology Press, Taylor and Francis Group.

In addition to the well-known…La France, B. H., Henningsen, D. D., Oates, A., & Shaw, C. M. (2009). Social-sexual interactions? Meta-analyses of sex differences in perceptions of flirtatiousness, seductiveness, and promiscuousness. Communication Monographs, 76, 263–285.

One study concluded that flirting…Farris, C., Treat, T. A., Viken, R. J., & McFall, R. M. (2008). Perceptual mechanisms that characterize gender differences in decoding women’s sexual intent. Psychological Science, 19, 348–354.

Another challenge in figuring out…Henningsen, D. D. (2004). Flirting with meaning: An examination of miscommunication in flirting interactions. Sex Roles, 50, 481–489.

Elizabeth Paul and her colleagues found that…Paul, E. L., McManus, B., & Hayes, A. (2000). “Hookups”: Characteristics and correlates of college students’ spontaneous and anonymous sexual experiences. The Journal of Sex Research, 37, 76–88.

In one study of young adults…Furman, W., & Shaffer, L. (2011). Romantic partners, friends, friends with benefits, and casual acquaintances as sexual partners. Journal of Sex Research, 48, 554–564.

Dick Barelds and Pieternel Barelds-Dijkstra, a pair of…Barelds, D.P.H., & Barelds-Dijkstra, P. (2007). Love at first sight or friends first? Ties among partner personality trait similarity, relationship onset, relationship quality, and love. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24, 479–496.

Although this was less common than…Barelds & Barelds-Dijkstra, 2007.

When people go on dates, the…Mongeau, P. A., Serewicz, M.C.M., & Therrien, L. F. (2004). Goals for cross-sex first dates: Identification, measurement, and the influence of contextual factors. Communication Monographs, 71, 121–147.

Barelds and Barelds-Dijkstra estimate that about…Barelds & Barelds-Dijkstra, 2007.

No matter what your pathway to (box)…Barelds & Barelds-Dijkstra, 2007.

Seeking an emotional connection with a…Clark, C. L., Shaver, P. R., & Abrahams, M. F. (1999). Strategic behaviors in romantic relationship initiation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 25, 709–722.

Men are the aggressors and women…La France, B. H. (2010). What verbal and nonverbal communication cues lead to sex? An analysis of the traditional sexual script. Communication Quarterly, 58, 297–318.

Chapter Two: The Physical Style

Dr. Monica Moore, a pioneering researcher in…Moore, M. M. (1985). Nonverbal courtship patterns in women: Context and consequences. Ethology & Sociobiology, 6, 237–247.

In the 1950s, famous social scientist (box)…Coontz, S. (2005). Marriage, a history. New York: Penguin.

One study found that when there are women…Renninger, L. A., Wade, T. J., & Grammer, K. (2004). Getting that female glance: patterns and consequences of male nonverbal behavior in courtship contexts. Evolution and Human Behavior, 25, 416–431.

Men take a more dominant role…La France, 2010; McDaniel, A. K. (2005). Young women’s dating behavior: Why/why not date a nice guy? Sex Roles, 53, 347–359.

But women often take a leading…Moore, M. M. (2010). Human nonverbal courtship behavior: A brief historical review. Journal of Sex Research, 47, 171–180.

It is pretty obvious that women…Schmitt, D. P. (2002). A meta-analysis of sex differences in romantic attraction: Do rating contexts affect tactic effectiveness judgments? British Journal of Social Psychology, 41, 387–402.

Going out to party and hooking…Paul, E. L. (2006). Beer goggles, catching feelings, and the walk of shame: The myths and realities of the hookup experience. In D. C. Kirkpatrick, S. Duck, & M. K. Foley (Eds.), Relating difficulty: The process of constructing and managing difficult interaction (pp. 141-160). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

While there isn’t a lot of…Moore, 2010.

Young men report using mock aggression (box)…Ballard, M. E., Green, S., & Granger, C. (2003). Affiliation, flirting, and fun: Mock aggressive behavior in college students. Psychological Record, 53, 33-49.

Physical Flirts will send more messages (box)…Grebe, J. P., & Hall, J. A. (2013). Affinity in instant messaging. Northwest Journal of Communication.

Some time ago, Dr. Linda Koeppel and her…Koeppel, L. B., Montagne-Miller, Y., O’Hair, D., & Cody, M. J. (1993). Friendly? Flirting? Wrong? In P. J. Kalbfleisch (Ed.), Interpersonal communication: Evolving interpersonal relationships (pp. 13–32). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.

When chatting online, Physical flirts think (box)…Grebe & Hall, 2013.

Some recent research by a pair of…Penke, L., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2008). Beyond global sociosexual orientations: A more differentiated look at sociosexuality and its effects on courtship and romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 1113–1135.

The most common reason for engaging (box)…Weaver, S. J. & Harold, E. S. (2000). Casual sex and women: Measurement and motivational issues. Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality, 12, 23–41.

There is good reason to believe…Penke & Asendorpf, 2008.

As one researcher put it…McDaniel, 2005.

Don’t try to convert a guy into (box)…Meston, C. M., & Buss, D. M. (2009). Why women have sex. New York: Henry Holt & Co.

The Love Attitudes scale was created…Hendrick, C., Hendrick, S., & Dicke, A. (1998). The love attitudes scale: Short form. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15, 147–159.

We know that people with a…Paul, McManus, & Hayes, 2000.

Chapter Three: The Polite Style

Men are more likely than women…La France et al., 2009.

These things may inspire women…Koeppel et al., 1993.

In addition, if women are too…Koeppel et al., 1993.

Individuals aged 40 and over have…Coontz, 2005.

There is also the issue of…Ballard et al., 2003.

Because they were once the focus…Coontz, 2005.

This makes sense, given the fact…Baker, L. R., & Oswald, D. L. (2010). Shyness and online social networking services. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27, 873–889.

Because of the way they fall in love (box)…Paul, McManus, & Hayes, 2000.

Although people think that there is (box)…Furman & Shaffer, 2011.

Love born in friendship…Morrow, G. D., Clark, E. M., & Brock, K. F. (1995). Individual and partner love styles: Implications for the quality of romantic involvements. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 12, 363–387.

Chapter Four: The Playful Style

Men and women are equally motivated to flirt (box)…Henningsen, 2004.

People that age believe there is…Arnett, J. J. (2004). Emerging adulthood. New York: Oxford University Press.

Because she thinks you like her and (box)…Grebe & Hall, 2013.

Research tells us that there are…Hendrick, C., & Hendrick, S. (1986). A theory and method of love. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50, 392–402.

In an extensive study of hooking…Paul, McManus, & Hayes, 2000.

Once in a relationship, people tend to stop (box)…Paul, McManus, & Hayes, 2000.

Women who like to date Playful and flirty guys (box)…McDaniel, 2005.

Chapter Five: The Sincere Style

The Sincere Flirt knows that…Clark, R. A., Dockum, M., Hazeu, H., Huang, M., Luo, N., Ramsey, J., & Spyrou, A. (2004). Initial encounters of young men and women: Impressions and disclosure estimates. Sex Roles, 50, 699–710; Hess, J. A., Fannin, A. D., & Pollom, L. H. (2007). Creating closeness: Discerning and measuring strategies for fostering closer relationships. Personal Relationships, 14, 25–44.

When you share information about yourself (box)…Clark et al., 2004.

Women tend to like men who…Cunningham, M. R. (1989). Reactions to heterosexual opening gambits: Female selectivity and male responsiveness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 15, 27–41; Kleinke, C. L., Meeker, F. B., & Staneski, R. A. (1986). Preference for opening lines: Comparing ratings by men and women. Sex Roles, 15, 585–600.

Past research has shown that emotional…Clark et al., 1999.

According to studies using brain-scanning (box)…Meston & Buss, 2009.

In a study I did on online…Hall, J. A., Park, N., Song, H., & Cody, M. J. (2010). Strategic misrepresentation in online dating: The effects of gender, self-monitoring, and personality traits. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27, 117–135.

We all know that the nice…Regan, P. C., Levin, L., Sprecher, S., Christopher, F. S., & Cate, R. (2000). Partner preferences: What characteristics do men and women desire in their short-term sexual and long-term romantic partners? Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality, 12, 1–18.

(Although there are internet dating sites…Finkel et al., in press.

The first date is the leap…Mongeau et al., 2004.

You probably don’t need research on…Mongeau et al., 2004.

The very fact that they decided…Morr, M. C., & Mongeau, P. A. (2004). First-date expectations: The impact of sex of initiator, alcohol consumption, and relationship type. Communication Research, 31, 3–35.

Communication theorist Kelly Albada…Albada, K. F., Knapp, M. L., & Theune, K. E. (2002). Interaction appearance theory: Changing perceptions of physical attractiveness through social interaction. Communication Theory, 12, 8–40.

“He always had something to say”…Albada et al., 2002, p. 21.

A follow-up study conducted by three different…Lewandowski, G. W., Aron, A., & Gee, J. (2007). Personality goes a long way: The malleability of opposite-sex physical attractiveness. Personal Relationships, 14, 571–585.

A man’s physical attractiveness is more (box)…Lewandowski, Aron, & Gee, 2007.

Showing warmth, openness and emotional involvement (box)…Sanderson, C. A. (2004). The link between the pursuit of intimacy goals and satisfaction in close relationships: An examination of the underlying processes. In D. J. Mashek & A. P. Aron (Eds.), Handbook of closeness and intimacy (pp. 247–266). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

Several studies have explored the “nice guy”…McDaniel, 2005; Urbaniak, G. C., & Kilmann, P. R. (2003). Physical attractiveness and the “nice guy paradox”: Do nice guys really finish last? Sex Roles, 49, 413–426; Urbaniak, G. C., & Kilmann, P. R. (2006). Niceness and dating success: A further test of the nice guy stereotype. Sex Roles, 55, 209–224.

In fact, jerks are exemplified by…Urbaniak & Kilmann, 2006.

You can tell if a guy is a jerk (box)…Bale, C., Morrison, R., & Caryl, P. G. (2006). Chat-up lines as male sexual displays. Personality and Individual Differences, 40, 655–664.

Both men and women have sex (box)…Meston & Buss, 2009.

Specifically, men are expected to take…La France, 2010.

They generally seek out love…Hendrick et al., 1998.

A social psychology researcher named…Sanderson, C. A., & Cantor, N. (1995). Social dating goals in late adolescence: Implications for safe sexual activity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 68, 1121–1134.; Sanderson, C. A., Keiter, E. J., Miles, M. G., & Yopyk, D.J.A. (2007). The association between intimacy goals and plans for initiating dating relationships. Personal Relationships, 14, 225–243.

Men and women are equally likely to (box)…Sanderson et al., 2007.

The more comfortable you feel talking (box)…Clark et al., 2004.

Chapter Six: The Traditional Style

Men who have a stereotypically masculine personality (box)…Clark et al., 1999.

Men think that women who initiate…Koeppel et al., 1993.

However, whether men (or women) like…Coontz, 2005.

People know that, traditionally, it is…La France, 2010.

People believe this to be true…de Weerth, C., & Kalma, A. (1995). Gender differences in awareness of courtship initiation tactics. Sex Roles, 32, 717–734.

A woman who is a little…Koeppel et al., 1993.

In the early 1900s, women invited (box)…Coontz, 2005.

Until the arrival of the automobile…Coontz, 2005.

When dating (the term was new…Coontz, 2005.

Without question, there are real risks…Paul, 2006.

Using Instant Messenger to flirt leaves (box)…Grebe & Hall, 2013.

When a society is more traditional…Glick, P., & Fiske, S. T. (2001). An ambivalent alliance: Hostile and benevolent sexism as complementary justifications for gender inequality. American Psychologist, 56, 109–118.

In more traditional cultures, heroic men…Rudman, L. A., & Heppen, J. (2003). Implicit romantic fantasies and women’s interest in personal power: A glass slipper effect? Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 29, 1357–1370.

There is good evidence that, when…Schmitt, D. P. (2005). Fundamentals of human mating strategies. In D. M. Buss (Ed.), The evolutionary psychology handbook (pp. 258–291). New York: Wiley.

For the Traditional flirt, however, this…Travaglia, L. K., Overall, N. C., & Sibley, C. G. (2009). Benevolent and hostile sexism and preferences for romantic partners. Personality and Individual Differences, 47, 599–604.

Similarly, the Traditional woman may be…Johannesen-Schmidt, M. C., & Eagly, A. H. (2002). Another look at sex differences in preferred mate characteristics: The effects of endorsing the traditional female gender role. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 26, 322–328.

In the late 1950s, two-thirds (box)…Coontz, 2005.

In fact, if a woman is…Fowers, A. F., & Fowers, B. J. (2010). Social dominance and sexual self-schema as moderators of sexist reactions to female subtypes. Sex Roles, 62, 468–480.

For women, particularly, agreeing to these…Viki, G. T., Abrams, D., & Hutchison, P. (2003). The “true” romantic: Benevolent sexism and paternalistic chivalry. Sex Roles, 49, 533–537.

Women, but not men, think that (box)…Clark et al., 1999.

Because a Traditional lady isn’t putting…Penke & Asendorpf, 2008.

When Traditional men communicate with women (box)…Grebe & Hall, 2013.

In my research with Melanie Canterberry…Hall, J. A., & Canterberry, M. (2011). Sexism and assertive courtship strategies. Sex Roles, 65, 840–854.

Chapter Seven: The Switch

Physical flirts can get real personal (box)…Grebe & Hall, 2013.

Researchers of human sexuality typically identify…Meston & Buss, 2009, p. 144.

Research says: This simply isn’t…Fisher, T. D., Moore, Z. T., & Pittenger, M. J. (2012). Sex on the brain?: An examination of frequency of sexual cognitions as a function of gender, erotophilia, and social desirability. Journal of Sex Research, 49, 69-77.

Being in a relationship heavily dampens…Penke & Asendorpf, 2008.

People who are in relationships, especially…Bleske-Rechek, A. E., Somers, E., Micke, C., et al. (2012). Benefit or burden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29, 569–596.

When people are in unhappy relationships (box)…O’Farrell, K. J., Rosenthal, E. V., & O’Neal, E. C. (2003). Relationship satisfaction and responsiveness to nonmates’ flirtation: Testing an evolutionary explanation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 20, 663–674.

Crucially, when we are in a…Bredow, C. A., Cate, R., & Huston, T. (2008). Have we met before? A conceptual model of first romantic encounters. In S. Sprecher, A. Wenzel, & J. Harvey (Eds.), Handbook of relationship initiation (pp. 3–28). New York: Psychology Press.

Easily one of the top-rated…Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (2008). Insider perspectives on attraction. In Sprecher, Wenzel, & Harvey (Eds.), Handbook of relationship initiation (pp. 297–314).

The discovery of mutual attraction makes…Sprecher, S. (1998). Insiders’ perspectives on reasons for attraction to a close other. Social Psychology Quarterly, 61, 287–300.

You start feeling better and better…Bredow, Cate, & Huston, 2008.

They don’t want to put pressure…Kunkel, A. D., Wilson, S. R., Olufowote, J., & Robson, S. (2003). Identifying implications of influence goals: Initiating, intensifying, and ending romantic relationships. Western Journal of Communication, 67, 382–412.

Women don’t know they are signaling…de Weerth & Kalma, 1995.

One of the most exciting sexual…Renaud, C. A. & Byers, E. S. (1999). Exploring the frequency, diversity, and content of university students’ positive and negative sexual cognitions. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 8, 17–30.

A recent study on women who…MacGregor, J.C.D., & Cavallo, J. V. (2011). Breaking the rules: Personal control increases women’s direct relationship initiation. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 28, 848–867.

A lot of hookups occur under…Paul, E. L., Wenzel, A., & Harvey, J. (2008). Hookups: A facilitator or a barrier to relationship initiation and intimacy development? In Sprecher, Wenzel, Harvey (Eds.), Handbook of relationship initiation (pp. 375–390).

People who seek attention above all…Penke & Asendorpf, 2008.

Chapter Eight: Perceptions and Misperceptions

Consider this research study: when people…Fichten, C. S., Tagalakis, V., Judd, D., Wright, J., & Amsel, R. (1992). Verbal and nonverbal communication cues in daily conversation and dating. Journal of Social Psychology, 132, 751–769.

A recent exciting study by Dr. Coreen Farris…Farris et al., 2008.

In one of the most advanced…Grammer, K., Kruck, K., Juette, A., & Fink, B. (2000). Non-verbal behavior as courtship signals: The role of control and choice in selecting partners. Evolution and Human Behavior, 21, 371–390.

In fact, when the most transparent…Place, S. S., Todd, P. M., & Asendorpf, J. B. (2009). The ability to judge the romantic interest of others. Psychological Science, 20, 22–26.

Twenty-six percent of women have had (box)…Farris et al., 2008.

One of the most consistent findings…La France et al., 2009.

The theory is that it would…Haselton, M. G., & Buss, D. M. (2000). Error management theory: A new perspective on biases in cross-sex mind reading. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 81–91.

The third possibility is that men…McClure, E. B. (2000). A meta-analytic review of sex differences in facial expression processing and their development in infants, children, and adolescents. Psychological Bulletin, 126, 424–453.

If someone is obviously flirting with (box)…Clark et al., 1999.

A man perceives each of these four…Moore, M. M. (2002). Courtship communication and perception. Perceptual and Motor Skills, 94, 97–105.

Women know that women do it…de Weerth & Kalma, 1995.

Although attractive women are approached more…Moore, 1985.

While women tend to do this…Renninger et al., 2004.

For example, a woman could pretend…Moore, 1985.

As a downside, guys who lean…Simpson, J. A., Gangestad, S. W., & Biek, M. (1993). Personality and nonverbal social behavior: An ethological perspective of relationship initiation. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 29, 434–461.

People who smile more are more…Houser, M. L., Horan, S. M., & Furler, L. A. (2008). Dating in the fast lane: How communication predicts speed-dating success. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 25, 749–768.

People who are more engaged also…Houser et al., 2008.

When a woman talks with her hands…Grammer et al., 2000.

But, more than anything, guys laugh…Simpson et al., 1993.

And if a guy can get…Penke & Asendorpf, 2008.

The more time that people spend…Penke & Asendorpf, 2008.

Indeed, if a woman is dressed…Grammer, K., Renninger, L., & Fischer, B. (2004). Disco clothing, female sexual motivation, and relationship status: Is she dressed to impress? Journal of Sex Research, 41, 66–74.

But if she is single, then…Grammer et al., 2004.

Men can more accurately distinguish sexually (box)…Farris et al., 2008.

A flirt may be trying to…Henningsen, 2004; Koeppel et al., 1993.

Because some people are able to…Grammer et al., 2000; Simpson et al., 1993.

Consider the fact that some of…Grammer et al., 2000.

A classic study on pickup lines…Kleinke et al., 1986.

Instead, lines that are sweet and…Senko, C., & Fyffe, V. (2010). An evolutionary perspective on effective vs. ineffective pick-up lines. The Journal of Social Psychology, 150, 648–667.

When chatting up somebody, you’ve got (box)…Grammer et al., 2000.

The two clearest negative signals a…Grammer et al., 2000.

People who are already in a…Place et al., 2009.

Chapter Nine: Common Mistakes and Helpful Hints

Hookups at the bar only end…Paul et al., 2008.

One of the best ways to…Weber, K., Goodboy, A. K., & Cayanus, J. L. (2010). Flirting competence: An experimental study on appropriate and effective opening lines. Communication Research Reports, 27, 184–191.

For some people, attraction just (box)…Derlega, V. J., Winstead, B. A., & Green, K. (2008). Self-disclosure and starting a close relationship. In Sprecher, Wenzel, & Harvey (Eds.), Handbook of relationship initiation (pp. 153–174).

Guys who sit with an open…Renninger et al., 2004.

Becoming more comfortable with flirting takes (box)…Berger, C. R., & Bell, R. A. (1988). Plan and the initiation of social relationships. Human Communication Research, 15, 217–235.

In fact, a guy talking too…Grammer et al., 2000.

Displaying a good sense of humor…Meston & Buss, 2009, p. 21.

According to speed-dating studies, women (box)…Kurzban, R., & Weeden, J. (2005). HurryDate: Mate preferences in action. Evolution and Human Behavior, 26, 227–244.

If you know your crush’s friends…Sprecher, S. (2011). The influence of social networks on romantic relationships: Through the lens of the social network. Personal Relationships, 18, 630–644.