Chapter 20
Getting Serious: Yom Kippur
In This Chapter
Reaching toward forgiveness
Understanding the Jewish idea of sin
Hearing the melody of the holiest night: Kol Nidre
Fasting on Yom Kippur
Being human (yes, this means you) has certain ramifications. Death and taxes are among these, of course. But so are making mistakes and getting self-righteous. Perhaps most of all, we humans suffer from our limitations: Sometimes it’s hard to see the big picture.
For example, have you ever met a child who acts out by yelling, kicking, and generally being obnoxious? We don’t know about you, but it’s easy for us to get angry at kids who behave like that. Sometimes this anger comes from not seeing the whole picture, from having a limited viewpoint. What if you found out that the child’s mother is at home, in bed, dying of cancer? You might not forgive the child entirely, but you would probably soften your feelings if you found out that other factors were involved in the child’s behavior.
We all get so caught up in our own perspectives that it’s hard to remember that we’re all in it together. This forgetting causes us to suffer and to cause pain to others. Fortunately, Jews — and non-Jews, if they want — have an opportunity to see a bigger picture. The Ten Days of Awe, which include the High Holidays (or High Holy Days) of Rosh Hashanah (see Chapter 19) and Yom Kippur, are a time for Jews to reflect on the previous year, let go of grudges, ask forgiveness from people, and broaden their perspectives. Finally, on Yom Kippur, they can look around with confidence that they faced everything and survived, that they let go of what needed letting go, and that they made reparations whenever possible.
Yom Kippur, the tenth of the month Tishrei (often spelled Tishri), is perhaps the most cathartic, holy, and emotional day of the Jewish year. The nonstop day of prayer and meditation can rattle and inspire the Jewish soul in a way that no other holiday seems to do.
Yom Kippur Means Always Having to Say You’re Sorry
Many non-Jews (as well as Jews who had little connection with their heritage growing up) find Yom Kippur, which literally means “The Day of Atonement,” baffling. The holiday has no Christian equivalent. But even though most Jews can’t explain why Yom Kippur resonates so deeply for them, they’re drawn to Yom Kippur services, even if it’s the only time they wander into a synagogue all year.
For many Jews, Yom Kippur services (especially the first night’s Kol Nidre service, which we discuss later in this chapter) provide a chance to say, “I’m still Jewish, even if I don’t know what that means.” For other Jews, Yom Kippur is the highlight of their year, a day that seems sad but is actually uplifting, a day during which “atonement” becomes “at-one-ment.” They feel an extraordinary sense of release and spiritual unity that comes with forgiveness.
Seeking forgiveness from God
Aside from being a holiday when people strive to let go of grudges, seek forgiveness, and unite with each other, Yom Kippur also serves as an important time to seek forgiveness from God. This High Holy Day is called the Shabbat of Shabbats, and is traditionally seen as the day on which God finalizes the judgment of all Jews each year, sealing people’s names in the Books of Life or Death (see Chapter 19). Yom Kippur is the last chance to change, to repent, and to atone before this judgment.
By the time Yom Kippur rolls around, Jews are expected to have asked for forgiveness for sins against other people. The actual day of Yom Kippur is then reserved for atoning for sins against God. Of course, if you believe that God is One (and includes everything), then all our sins impact everyone on some level.
Repenting
When most people hear the word repentance, they think of a system in which some authority figure absolves people of their sins. In Judaism, however, there is no such authority. Jewish tradition clearly states that Yom Kippur offers a blanket forgiveness from God if (and only if) you have both repented and atoned for any wrongs. The Hebrew word for repentance is teshuvah, which signifies a psychological or emotional “turning,” resulting in a retargeting of your life.
Atonement has more to do with actually making amends, fixing something that you have broken. Just apologizing isn’t enough; you have to find a way to make reparation. A rabbi might help you discover a suitable action, but ultimately he or she can’t prescribe anything — that’s between you and the other person, or between you and God.
The Talmud states that you can’t just go out and sin with the understanding that you’ll be forgiven by God on Yom Kippur. You can’t circumvent the important work of reconciliation with yourself, your family, your neighbors, and so on. Ultimately, the point of all of this is to change, to grow, and to develop. In fact, the ancient Jewish rabbis taught that you haven’t fully repented until you’re twice confronted with the opportunity to engage in the same sin, and you refuse.
Although Yom Kippur is traditionally the last day to atone, Judaism ultimately says that the doors of repentance are open all the time — it’s never too late. But if there wasn’t at least a symbolic deadline, would anyone ever really get around to it?
Celebrating Yom Kippur
Most Jewish holidays are distinguished by what you’re supposed to do; Yom Kippur, however, is famous for what you’re not supposed to do. Tradition states that on this day Jews should refrain from bathing luxuriously (though necessary washing with cold water to remove dirt is okay), anointing themselves with perfume or moisturizers, having sex, wearing leather (the soles of shoes, specifically, though some Jews don’t wear any leather), and — probably the most-commonly observed restriction — eating or drinking. Of course, because Jews consider Yom Kippur to be like Shabbat, all the regular Shabbat restrictions apply (see Chapter 18).
Fasting, but not quickly
Rabbis have interpreted the fast — which lasts for 25 hours from sundown to just after sundown — in a number of ways:
Some say that fasting afflicts the body (because eating is pleasurable) and thereby atones for every sin committed that hasn’t been atoned for in another way.
Instead of seeing the fast as a punishment, many rabbis see it as freeing Jews from thinking about ordinary things, which allows them to focus on their prayers and the spiritual energies of the day.
The fact that humans can choose to fast symbolizes the freedom of choice that gives humans a greater responsibility in the world than other animals.
Yom Kippur is like the prayer before a meal, and the meal is the whole year to come. So just as you wouldn’t eat during a blessing, you don’t eat during Yom Kippur.
The Talmud states that you shouldn’t fast if you’re really sick, pregnant (or recovering from giving birth), or if you’re under 13 years old. Some children refrain from eating one or two meals during the day as a way to “warm up” to the fast they’ll perform when they get older. And although tradition clearly calls for a fast from both food and fluid, some Jews do drink a little water throughout the day. No, you can’t eat at McDonald’s, even if they do serve “fast” food.
Here are a few suggestions to think about if you choose to fast:
Most healthy adults can last a month or more without eating. However, you do need water. If you’re going to go without fluids on Yom Kippur, make sure you drink a lot in advance. However, avoid alcohol or caffeine, which dry you out.
If you’re avoiding fluids, don’t eat salty foods (pickled or smoked foods, commercial tomato sauce, and so on) the day before. David ate sushi with soy sauce before Yom Kippur a few years ago — big mistake!
Doctors report that the nausea and headaches that some people experience when fasting have nothing to do with not eating or drinking. Rather, these symptoms are generally the result of caffeine withdrawal. Laying off caffeine a day or two earlier may help significantly.
Some traditional Jews bring fragrant herbs or essential oils with them to synagogue in order to nourish the soul through smell. Others find that smelling such fragrances just makes them hungrier.
After the fast, don’t pig out (pun intended). It’s best to begin your “break-fast” meal with a couple glasses of juice in order to put some sugar into your bloodstream.
Taking a long day’s journey
Celebrating Yom Kippur includes five different services:
The Kol Nidre (described later in this chapter) begins the standard evening Ma’ariv service (though there are additional readings and prayers). Tradition holds that the evening Yom Kippur service never really ends, and actually blends right into the morning services.
The morning Shakharit service (see Chapter 4), with additional readings and prayers.
The Musaf (“additional”) service, which is typically added on Shabbat and holidays.
The standard afternoon Minkhah service, again with additional prayers.
The Neilah (“closing” or “locking”) service, signifying the closing of the gates of heaven. Yom Kippur is the only time during the year that this service is performed.
In each service, Jews read the Amidah (the traditional standing prayer), and during the entire Neilah the doors to the Torah Ark remain open, so that the congregation may be standing for as long as an hour. Often, the time between services is brief — people may be praying almost all day.
Preparing for Yom Kippur
Traditionally, the first evening service (Kol Nidre, described in the following section) begins early on Yom Kippur, while there is still some light in the sky, so an early dinner before the service helps. Many Jews have a regular supper before beginning Yom Kippur, but others have a festive meal like on Shabbat (see Chapter 18). Jews have a special blessing for lighting candles prior to dinner on Yom Kippur eve:
Barukh Atah Adonai Eloheynu Melekh Ha-Olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav vitzivanu l’hadlik ner shel Yom ha-Kippurim.
Blessed are You, Eternal One Our God, Universal Ruling Presence, Who sanctifies us with mitzvot [paths of holiness] and gives us this mitzvah of kindling the light of Yom Kippur.
In addition to the holiday candles, many Jews also light 24-hour yartzheit candles (see Chapter 10) to remember family members who have died.
Many traditional Jews wear white as a sign of purity, and some men may wear a kittel, the simple white robe in which they were married and will eventually be buried. Yom Kippur is also the only day in the year that traditional Jews wear a tallit (prayer shawl) in the evening and in the afternoon, and not just in the morning.
Considering the Kol Nidre: The evening service
The name of the opening Yom Kippur service — Kol Nidre (pronounced kohl nee-dray), considered one of the highlights of an observant Jew’s year — is named after a portion of liturgy that is sung during the service. Strangely, its lyrics read more like a legal contract than a prayer. In fact, the Kol Nidre is a legal document. (Jewish law states that legal proceedings must be taken care of during daylight hours, which is why the Kol Nidre service traditionally begins while there’s still light in the sky.) Although the words to Kol Nidre are certainly important, the haunting melody makes a stronger impression on many people. Many Jews who know little or no Hebrew (the Kol Nidre is actually in Aramaic) find the melody mysteriously and deeply moving, like a memory from early childhood, a childhood that is hundreds of years in the past.
In some ways, we think Kol Nidre is more powerful if you don’t know the words, because the words are kind of confusing. Nevertheless, here’s a translation:
All vows and oaths, all promises and obligations, all renunciations and responses, that we shall make from this Yom Kippur till the next — may it come to us in peace — all of them we retract. May we be absolved of them all, may we be released from them all, may they all be null and void, may they all be of no effect. May these vows not be vows, may these oaths not be oaths, may these responses not be responses.
The words of Kol Nidre at first glance appear to absolve Jews of every promise they make in the next year. Anti-Semites have had a field day with this one, claiming that this proves how untrustworthy Jews are. However, rabbis have always taught that Kol Nidre only speaks to vows that people make with God.
These words may originally refer to the vows made under duress, like during the forced conversions to Christianity. Now, the Kol Nidre recognizes that you can’t always keep the promises you make to yourself or to God. For example, you might say “God, I promise to be good if only you make my mom recover from this illness.” If your mom heals, are you then held to being a “saint” for the rest of your life? No, Judaism recognizes the realities of human nature.
Some people have argued that the text of Kol Nidre has little meaning today and should be removed or changed. However, for the vast majority of Jews, Yom Kippur just wouldn’t be the same without it. When Ted was a student rabbi, he was sent to perform High Holiday services in Casper, Wyoming, a “Wild West” city — one of those places that you wonder, “are there really any Jews living there?” As a student, Ted wasn’t confident enough in his voice to chant the Kol Nidre, so he instructed the elderly Jewish caretaker to play the music on a record player in the back of the synagogue. On that night, even in this remote corner of the world, Kol Nidre resonated in the hearts of the small crowd. Unfortunately, the man forgot to turn the music off, and the record then proceeded to an upbeat song that had nothing to do with Yom Kippur. Well, no holiday service is perfect.
Every service on Yom Kippur includes a set of vidui (“confessional”) prayers, primarily made up of the Ashamnu (“we have sinned”) and the Al Khet (“for the sin of”). Both of these prayers are alphabetical poems (called acrostics) that list all the sins that humankind has committed, like “We have Abused, Betrayed, been Cruel,” and so on.
Of course, few, if any, individual Jews have erred in all of these ways; rather, they read the confessional in the plural “we” so that no one person has to embarrass him- or herself. Also, as Rabbi Isaac Luria once explained, all of the children of Israel are considered a single body, and each person is a limb of that body. Each Jew confesses to the sins of the whole body. As someone else once said, it takes a village.
Traditionally, Jews repeatedly beat their chests with their fists while reading the Ashamnu and the Al Khet. While this presents a rather dramatic scene, some rabbis teach that there has been enough beating over the ages, that the confessions already hurt enough, and that perhaps people should just gently and lovingly touch the area over their hearts instead.
Reading and kneeling
The High Holidays include a number of special customs. For example, when most congregations read the Aleinu (the prayer that includes “we bend the knee, bow down, and offer praise”) during regular services, each person bends the knees slightly and then bows at the waist, signifying service to the Higher Spirit. However, on Yom Kippur, many Jews actually kneel on the ground at the word kore’im (“bend the knee”), and then bring their heads to the floor in prostration at the word u-mishta-khavim (“bow down”). Some Jews, when there is enough room in the synagogue, lay completely flat on the ground, with arms and hands stretched forward in an ultimate form of respect and supplication.
For thousands of years Jews have made it a point never to bow or kneel to anyone except God. Some rabbis teach that God brought the Jews out of slavery from the Pharaoh in Egypt (see Chapter 11) in order to become servants to a Higher Ruler, namely God, but we see it a slightly different way: The Aleinu is an opportunity for each Jew to show his or her dedication to being of service — service to God, service to humanity, service to the planet, service to a greater good. As Bob Dylan once sang, “You gotta’ serve somebody!”
Other exclusives during the High Holidays are the Avinu Malkenu (“Our Father, Our King”) prayers, the Avodah (a detailed account of the rites performed by the High Priest of the Second Temple on Yom Kippur) and, often, the martyrology, in which the names of ten ancient rabbis who were killed for teaching Torah are listed, often alongside the names of other Jewish martyrs and a special note about the six million Jews killed in the Holocaust. And, on Yom Kippur, most congregations read the Biblical book of Jonah aloud in the afternoon.
Traditionally, between the Torah reading and Neilah, the rabbi leads the memorial Yizkor service, in remembrance of friends and family who have died, particularly parents of those in attendance. (In most Reform congregations the Yizkor service takes place later in the afternoon.) Many Jews consider it bad luck to participate in a Yizkor service while their parents are still alive, so typically all the youngsters leave the room. For those who are less superstitious, the Yizkor service can be a deeply moving and important memorial, whether or not your parents are still living.
A first-timers’ guide to Yom Kippur services
Yom Kippur services vary radically depending on the observance of the synagogue. A traditional Orthodox service might be wonderfully intense, but deeply indecipherable for the novice. More liberal congregations may have a much simpler makhzor (Holy Day prayer book), leaving out some of the readings and prayers in favor of more explanation or a break between services. Here are a few things to keep in mind when you show up for services:
Like at Rosh Hashanah (see Chapter 19), Yom Kippur services require buying tickets in advance at most synagogues. If money is tight, try calling ahead to see if they offer a sliding scale.
Remember that many Jews don’t wear leather shoes during Yom Kippur, and some wear no leather at all. So while most Jews wear their finest clothes, you may see people in suits or dresses wearing canvas high-tops, sneakers, or other shoes made without leather.
Most Jews who attend services also fast on Yom Kippur, so if you bring any food or drink, keep it out of sight (and smell).
Don’t expect the best hygiene of your neighbors on this day. Traditional Jews don’t brush their teeth or bathe on Yom Kippur.
Yom Kippur is an ideal time to remember that all human beings make mistakes; the important thing is to continually review your life, learn, and grow. With this in mind, don’t worry if you can’t pronounce all the words of the prayers, or if you mess something up. By showing up and trying, you fulfill the spirit of the day.
At the very end of the Yom Kippur services, when the Neilah has concluded, a member of the congregation blows one long blast on the shofar (ram’s horn). Yom Kippur is now over. Believe it or not, many Jews then stick around for the evening service, which follows immediately. Others rush for the doors in search of their break-fast meal. Either way, it’s become a tradition that after the meal, Jews go out and hammer two pieces of wood together or plant a stake in the ground to signify that they’ve begun to build a sukkah (a temporary structure) in preparation for Sukkot (see Chapter 21). Some teachers point out that this shifts attention from your own emotional and spiritual rebuilding during the High Holidays to a renewed focus on rebuilding and repairing the world around you.
Honoring the Light of Yom Kippur
On Yom Kippur, Jewish tradition says that the day itself makes the atonement. Something about the day carries the energy of healing and forgiveness and touches on the deeply human need for the release of guilt and resentment.
In the eighteenth century, an Italian kabbalistic scholar named Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto wrote that, “Any great light that radiated at a certain time, when that time comes around again, the radiance of that light will shine again . . . and be available for whoever is there to receive it.”
Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, is such a time of radiant light — the radiant light of forgiveness. If the day itself carries such energy, then the task of the participant is to allow herself to be fully present, to allow himself to be available for the healing influences of the moment.