Chapter 29

Answers to Ten Common Questions about Judaism

In This Chapter

Jews, Jesus, and Islam

Israel and the “Chosen People”

The role of women in Judaism

The sounds of Judaism: music and laughter

Our Jewish and non-Jewish friends alike have always asked us questions about being Jewish. Perhaps that’s why we wrote this book in the first place. Over time, we’ve heard a lot of questions, but some arise more than others. Here are ten of our favorites. We span a lot of ground here, from feminism to the relationship between Judaism and Islam, from Jewish humor to Jewish law. So fasten your seatbelt — it’ll be a wild ride!

Why Don’t Jews Believe in Jesus?

Probably the greatest point of difference between Jews and Christians is their perception of Jesus. For Christians, Jesus is the Christ (“anointed one”). While many Jews believe Jesus to have been a great teacher, Jews don’t believe he was the Messiah for several reasons.

Jews believed that the Messiah was supposed to herald the dawning of a new age of peace, compassion, and love. This clearly didn’t happen (see Chapters 13 and 14). Also, Jews don’t believe that any person (even the Messiah) can be a God, or even the only “son of God.” The Jewish view is that all people are “sons” and “daughters” of God.

While Jews can’t accept the Messiah-ship of Jesus, many Jewish teachers have acknowledged his great importance. Maimonides (see Chapter 28) said that Christianity was a way in which God brought important parts of Judaism’s message to the rest of the world. Certainly similarities exist between Jesus’s teachings and the rabbinic literature of his time. For example, his emphasis on “Thou shalt love the Eternal One your God . . .” and “Love your neighbor as yourself” are totally congruent with rabbinic teachings and are direct quotes from the Hebrew Bible. In this way, Jesus translated the monotheism of Judaism to a larger community.

By the way, neither the Hebrew nor Aramaic languages have a “j” sound, so this person was clearly not called “Jesus” during his lifetime. Rather, he was likely called Yeshua, a variant of the Hebrew name Yehoshua (“Joshua”).

What Does It Mean to Be the “Chosen” People?

Perhaps no aspect of Jewish belief has caused as much consternation among non-Jews, or as much perplexity among Jews, as the notion that the Children of Israel are “the chosen people.” Certainly, proclaiming yourself as “special” is one great way to create enemies — whether you’re declaring to your sibling that you’re the parents’ favorite, or whether you’re the spokesperson for a country announcing superiority over other nations.

However, being “chosen” is in no way meant to imply superiority over anyone else. Judaism doesn’t teach that the “non-chosen” people can’t go to heaven or anything like that. The Jewish people are “chosen” for the Path called Torah, just as all peoples are chosen for their own unique and special Paths. Reconstructionist Jews change the wording from “the chosen people” to “the choosing people,” so that the choice comes from each person rather than from God.

“Chosenness” is both a blessing and a heavy responsibility for both ethical and spiritual action in the world. The prophet Amos translates God’s word to the people of Israel: “You alone have I singled out from all the families of the earth. That is why I call you to account for all your iniquities.”

Why Is Israel So Important to the Jews?

To understand the importance of Israel to the Jews, consider that traditional Jews have included a mention of the centrality of Jerusalem and the land of Israel in their prayer services every day for almost 2,000 years. During the many centuries when the Jewish people were denied their homeland, Israel provided a focus for prayer and identity.

Religious Jews point first to the Biblical stories in which God gives them the land. When Abraham first received his call to leave his father’s house, God promised him the land of Canaan as an inheritance forever. Later, after the Hebrews were freed from slavery and had wandered for 40 years, God once again gave the land to them.

The Israelite kingdoms developed in this region 3,000 years ago, under Kings Saul, David, and Solomon. This is the land from which the people were again driven into exile in 586 BCE, only to return half a century later to rebuild the Temple and reconstruct their culture. This is the place that the Romans destroyed in 70 CE, driving the greater part of the Jewish community into exile.

When the remnants of the European Jewish community, released from the horrible tortures of the Nazi era, were refused entry into country after country, the establishment of the State of Israel guaranteed them a place where they could live. To this day, the Law of Return guarantees all Jews citizenship in Israel should they choose to live there.

Why Are So Many Doctors, Lawyers, and Entertainers Jewish?

A surprising number of doctors, lawyers, and celebrities are Jewish, given that Jews make up less than 2 percent of the American population and less than a quarter of 1 percent of the world’s population! So why have over 20 percent of Nobel prizes been awarded to Jews or people of Jewish descent? Here are just a few ideas that help explain the disparity:

The Jews have long been called “the People of the Book,” not just because the Bible is central to the religion, but because study of texts and education in general are among the most important values passed from generation to generation. So many Jews enter professions where study is central.

Jews have a long tradition of studying law or medicine. For over 1,000 years medicine has been considered a highly noble profession for a Jew. Law, medicine, and science can make the world a better and more just place, which is as important in Judaism as spiritual study.

Antisemitic policies over the centuries have forced Jews to live in urban centers and become good at jobs that can be done there (finance, medicine, law, retail, entertainment, and so on). In the 19th and 20th centuries, American urban areas like New York, Philadelphia, Cleveland, Boston, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Chicago — areas that had a much higher percentage of Jews than the rest of the country — became increasingly influential. So, Jews were already living in the midst of the most powerful media centers and best universities in the world.

Many Jews report a general sense that they have to succeed more than most people, though few can really explain why. Some say they feel the burden to prove that Jews really are “just as good” as everyone else.

Some fields were virtually created by Jews. For example, all the major Hollywood studios — Universal, MGM, 20th Century Fox, and so on — were started by Jewish immigrants from Eastern Europe.

What Is the Role of Women in Judaism?

Traditionally, women have been exempt from performing any time-based positive mitzvot (commandments like going to services at specific times) because women were in charge of the home and the children. Unfortunately, the word “exemption” has become a code word for “prohibited” in most Orthodox communities.

For the vast majority of Jewish history, all rabbis (and priests before them) were male; only men counted when gathering a minyan (a quorum; see Chapter 4 for details); if women were allowed in a synagogue at all, they had to be behind a barrier called a mekhitzah; women weren’t allowed to read the Torah (at least, not in public) or study the Talmud; they wouldn’t recite the daily kaddish for a dead parent; they weren’t allowed to wear prayer shawls or tefillin (see Chapter 4); and so on.

Most Orthodox Jews see women as equal in importance to men and deeply respect their contributions to Judaism. However, traditional Judaism believes that men and women have different roles to play. As in many other conservative religions, traditional Judaism sees women as the key to raising children properly and keeping the spirit of the home.

In the early 1970s, women began to challenge and change their traditional roles. The Reform movement ordained the first woman rabbi, Sally Priesand, in 1972. Now hundreds of women are rabbis in Reform, Reconstructionist, Renewal, and Conservative synagogues. As of this writing, several women have been ordained by Orthodox rabbis, but they have not yet received acceptance by the wider Orthodox community.

Most non-Orthodox synagogues have done away with the mekhitzah and count women in a minyan. Many congregations have changed their Hebrew translations to be more gender-neutral and less sexist, and some have even altered the Hebrew liturgy itself to make it more egalitarian. Some women who want a more traditional observance have created smaller community groups (independent minyanim) or have joined Jewish Renewal congregations that offer women a chance to worship more traditionally but with equality.

What Is “Jewish Humor”?

By some reports, as many as 80 percent of popular American comedians in the past 60 years have been Jewish, including Milton Berle, Mel Brooks, Lenny Bruce, Sacha Baron Cohen, George Burns, John Stewart, Billy Crystal, Rodney Dangerfield, Groucho Marx (and his brothers), Sarah Silverman, Jackie Mason, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jerry Seinfeld, the Three Stooges, and Henny Youngman.

Jews have a long history of making humor a part of their lives. Some insist that it’s their sense of humor that enabled the Jews to survive for so long. Others even say (only half-jokingly) that a person’s sense of humor is itself the determining factor in whether or not someone is Jewish.

To say that Jews have a peculiar sense of humor would be wrong — Jewish humor clearly strikes a chord with an enormous number of non-Jews. Yet, there does appear to be something called “Jewish humor,” which is different than other humor, though perhaps subtly so.

Self-examination: Try it at home!

A clear and lucid definition is a marvelous thing, but unfortunately Jewish humor defies clear and lucid definition. Scholars have tried for years to pin down exactly what Jewish humor is and is not, but they’ve succeeded primarily in giving themselves (and their readers) headaches. Nonetheless, here are a few fundamental notions of Jewish humor.

Self-critical

While Jewish humor is usually self-critical and often self-deprecating, it’s almost always told in a spirit of fun and even celebration.

A German, a Frenchman, and a Jew are walking through the desert. The Frenchman says, “I’m tired, I’m thirsty, I must have a glass of wine.” The German says, “I’m tired, I’m thirsty, I must have a glass of beer.” The Jew says, “I’m tired, I’m thirsty, I must have diabetes.”

Anxious

Jewish jokes often focus on areas in Jewish life where there is anxiety: assimilation, antisemitism, financial success, religious dogma, education, and so on. Jewish humor is typically pessimistic and resigned about the immediate future but optimistic about the longer run. The result is an anxious humor, or what some call “distressed optimism.”

Two Jews are walking down an alleyway at night when they see two tough-looking guys. “Let’s run,” says one of the Jews, “There are two of them, and we’re alone.”

Typical Jewish text message: “Start Worrying. Details to follow.”

Rarely cruel

While Jewish humor may not always be kind, it’s rarely cruel. Jews, so long the underdog themselves, avoid attacking the weak or the infirm. Jews won’t stop themselves from taking a stab at their colleagues or those in power, however.

Yiddish curse: May your enemies get cramps in their legs when they dance on your grave.

Democratic

Jews often side with the “common man,” and tend not to trust anyone who displays too much power or appears too pretentious. Jewish humor, then, is often anti-authoritarian and feels free to mock anyone — even God.

A man goes to a tailor to have some pants custom made. After a week, the pants aren’t ready. After two weeks, they’re not ready. After six weeks they’re finally done and to the man’s pleasant surprise, they fit perfectly. Nonetheless, he teases the tailor, saying “It only took God six days to make the world, and it took you six weeks to make just one pair of pants!” “Ah,” replied the tailor, “but look at these pants, and look at the state of the world!”

Instructive

Jewish humor almost always exposes something about Jews or Jewish sensibilities. The point of many Jewish jokes isn’t to make someone laugh but, as authors William Novak and Moshe Waldoks have noted, to provoke “a bitter nod or a commiserating sigh of recognition.”

Mrs. Levy finds Mr. Levy sitting in the parlor, naked, wearing only his fedora.

“So, nu? Why are you sitting here naked?” she asks.

“ ‘tsall right, Mama, nobody ever comes to visit.”

“So why the hat?”

“Well, maybe someone will come.”

While there is much scientific and religious controversy over when, exactly, the moment of life begins, the Jewish tradition is clear: The fetus isn’t considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

Characters

Many Jewish jokes aren’t about Jews in general, but rather about certain types of Jewish characters. For years, the schnorrer (“beggar”) and the schlemiel (see Appendix A) were popular personalities in Jewish humor. In the 1980s a rash of “Jewish American Prince/Princess” jokes focused on those Jews who had become caught up in material possessions. Jewish mothers (once called yiddishe mamas) are a constant staple of Jewish humor. Of course, stereotypes can be dangerous and are often used to pigeonhole people who don’t deserve it.

What’s the difference between a Pit Bull Terrier and a Jewish mother? Answer: Eventually the Pit Bull lets go.

Jewish mothers are so notoriously picky at restaurants that the story is told of one waiter who asks, “Is anything all right?”

Resigned

Jewish humor recognizes that sadness and happiness always come hand in hand, like the intertwining double helix of DNA. As author Harry Golden notes, “At the core of Jewish humor is the belief that God made it hard to be a Jew for His own reasons.” These jokes often mirror both a Jew’s resignation to his or her lot in life and the deep belief that life can be better. As the saying goes, “God gave us shoulders, and God gave us burdens.”

Mr. Fischer enters the offices of the burial society to inquire about funeral arrangements for his wife.

“Your wife?” asks the secretary. “But didn’t we bury her last year?”

Sighing, Fischer notes, “That was my first wife. I’m talking about my second wife.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you remarried. Mazel tov!”

Dress British, think Yiddish

Turning tears to laughter is often an essential element of Jewish humor, and has long been the basis of stories by Yiddish writers such as Isaac Bashevis Singer, Sholom Aleichem, and I.L. Peretz. Somehow being clever and funny can be more powerful than the oppressor’s thumb. As Leo Rosten once wrote, “Humor . . . serves the afflicted as compensation for suffering, a token victory of brain over fear.”

The twentieth century brought Jewish humor to the masses, in part because Hollywood was invented by Jews from the old country who were raised in the midst of Yiddish theatre and vaudeville. Jewish humor has so impacted American (and world) comedy — whether it be movies, standup comedy, radio, or television — that it has become difficult to tell what is Jewish and what is not anymore.

What Role Does Music Play in Jewish Culture?

Asking about "Jewish music" is like asking about "American music" or "English music" — it's just too big a category. That said, when many non-Jews talk about "Jewish music" in America, they're often talking about klezmer music, the music brought over from Central and Eastern Europe and played on instruments like accordion, violin, and clarinet. Klezmer music can get you up and dancing in no time, or it can break your heart with sadness. As Ari Davidow notes at his excellent site klezmershack.com, "It's Balkans and blues, ancient Jewish culture and prayer and history, spirit and jazz all mixed together."

Klezmer music was rediscovered in the folk music revival of the 1970s, and it quickly became a staple of Jewish weddings, bar/bat mitzvah parties, and other social events. More recently, klezmer groups such as the Ellis Island Band and the Klezmatics have become highly popular.

When Jews talk about Jewish music, they are often thinking of folk songs from summer camp, Israeli songs, or traditional liturgical melodies. Often, these categories blend in the compositions of popular American Jewish songwriters like Debbie Friedman and Shefa Gold.

Contemporary Jewish liturgical music has been greatly influenced by people like Shlomo Carlebach, David Zeller, the late Lubavitcher Rebbe, and Zalman Shachter-Shalomi — who revitalized the use of song and niggun (wordless melodies that use syllables like “dai, dai, dai; bai lai, lai, bai,” and so on). Curiously, some Jews today complain when synagogues use “nontraditional” music — even though what they consider “traditional” was likely written in the 1930s or 1940s and was radical for its day.

Because Jews tend to incorporate aspects of their cultural environment, the prayers and songs of Arab or North African Jews have distinctly “oriental” melodies, and the Ashkenazi Jews use Eastern European-sounding melodies.

Who’s In Charge of Judaism?

Judaism has no Pope, no patriarch, and no committee to hand down decisions through an accepted hierarchy to all Jews. And yet, Judaism does have a very large body of rules and laws, and they’re not all thousands of years old or from the Torah (see Chapter 3). Who makes these rules?

Traditional Jews say that the answer to every question is hidden in the Torah, but study and scholarship is required to extract it. With that in mind, Jewish law is based almost entirely on more than 2,000 years of rabbinical interpretations and re-interpretations of Torah, beginning with the many arguments posed in the Talmud (see Chapter 3). The sixteenth-century Shulkhan Arukh (“The Arranged Table”) distilled these arguments into legal decisions, and that book is still the basis for authoritative judgments.

Today, individual rabbis make religious decisions for their communities based on all these texts and their own interpretations. Of course, questions still arise, and since the time of the Babylonian Talmud, there’s been a tradition of a bet din (“house of judgment”), a panel of three qualified rabbis who decide on matters of civil and religious law within each Jewish community. These laws have always evolved slowly and organically, with decisions making their way around the international Jewish community and either being accepted in other locales or not. For example, while Rabbi Gershom’s eleventh-century ban on polygamy was widely accepted, Sephardic Jews ignored it, and some continued marrying multiple wives as late as 1948.

You may have heard that “chief rabbis” sometimes announce legal decisions, but it’s still up to the community to agree or not. The chief rabbis may serve as spokespersons for their own communities, but no individual is a spokesperson for all Jewry. Ultimately, Judaism teaches that each person is responsible for his or her own acts and beliefs.

In Hasidic communities, the authority is vested in the rebbe, the rabbinical leader who carries authority for that particular community. Remember that there are many Orthodox communities, and many rebbes, and — to put it politely — they don’t always agree with each other’s policies. It’s not uncommon for an Orthodox Jew to decide to switch from one rabbi to another saying, “I like his policy on such-and-such better.” The other major Jewish movements have rabbinical organizations through which decisions are often made.

Can You Convert to Judaism?

Jews have a very long history of welcoming converts. The Book of Ruth says that King David himself was a descendent of a woman (Ruth) who chose to join the Jewish people. Today, over 200,000 Jews in America are Jews by choice.

If you’re Jewish and someone you know is thinking of converting or has converted, the best thing you can do is be loving, open, and welcoming. Remember that someone who has converted is no more or no less Jewish than anyone else. Also, note that some people find the term “convert” offensive and prefer “Jew by Choice.”

If you're thinking of converting, first read about Judaism, and also experience it by going to synagogues and Jewish lectures and beginning some practices (like lighting Shabbat candles; see Chapter 18). Also, check out books and websites about conversion (like www.convert.org). Don't go hog wild and try to do and learn everything at once; that's a surefire way to burn out.

Next, find a rabbi who will teach and sponsor you. When looking for a rabbi, ask the following questions:

What denomination is the rabbi? Orthodox Jews will only accept somebody who was converted by an Orthodox rabbi. But unless you’re planning to emigrate to Israel or marry an Orthodox person, this might not be an issue. Reform, Reconstructionist, and some Conservative Jews tend to accept each other’s converts (See Chapter 1 for details on Jewish denominations.)

Do you feel comfortable with this rabbi? Rabbis are like therapists or managers — even a really good one might rub you the wrong way, so it’s worth looking around. Some traditional rabbis test the resolve of potential converts by turning them away three times, so don’t be discouraged.

Usually, people need to study for a year or so (many synagogues have conversion classes), though it may take longer for an Orthodox conversion. Often, you have to learn basic Hebrew, Jewish history, the prayer service, and the religious practices. This book isn’t a study guide for conversion, but if you know everything in this book, plus learn some Hebrew, you’re way ahead of the game.

Finally, when the rabbi decides that you’re ready for conversion, you appear before a bet din, a religious court usually comprised of three rabbis. Although you may be nervous, remember that the rabbis aren’t trying to trick you, and you’re not being graded. The bet din simply needs to assess your sincerity, that you’re converting of your own free will and that you studied well. Often, rabbis ask a candidate to recite an oath of allegiance to the Jewish people, too.

Once the bet din accepts your conversion, you go to the mikveh (ritual bath; see Chapter 4) for an immersion (both men and women do this, though many Reform Jews omit it). If you’re a man, your penis needs to be circumcised by a mohel (if you’re already circumcised, you still have to give a drop of blood as a symbolic circumcision; see Chapter 7). Some rabbis will conduct a conversion ritual without requiring circumcision.

What’s the Relationship Between Judaism and Islam?

Judaism and Islam are more alike than perhaps any other two religions. Islam is based on the teachings of Muhammad, a seventh-century Arab businessman who had learned a great deal about monotheism from his Jewish and Christian associates. The Quran, the holy book of Islam, includes many stories of Abraham, the flood, Moses, the virgin birth of Jesus, and so on. However, Muslims believe that Muhammad was the final prophet, the one who corrected the “errors in transmission” that crept into the Jewish and Christian texts. Although Jews don’t believe this final point, the two religions do have a surprising number of similarities:

Jews and Muslims (and Christians, for that matter) all believe in the same One God (the Arabic word for God is Allah) and strictly condemn worshiping idols.

Both Islamic and Jewish traditions trace back to Abraham: Jews through his son Isaac, and Muslims through his son Ishmael. Muslims claim Abraham was the first Muslim (insofar as he was the first person to submit to the will of the One God). Remember that Arabs and Jews are both considered Semites (descendents of Shem, the son of Noah).

Where Christianity is based primarily in faith or belief, both Judaism and Islam are based on comprehensive legal systems that cover every aspect of life, including eating, drinking, ethics, civil law, criminal law, family law, purity, and so on. In Judaism, this set of laws is called halakhah, in Islam it’s shariah, both of which mean “a path that is walked.” Similarly, these laws are based on legal decisions and interpretations of scholars (where a rabbi makes interpretations in Judaism, the Ulama or Ayatollah makes them in Islam), and these interpretations are often the cause of great arguments.

Many of the laws are similar, including those regulating marriage and divorce, prayers, hygiene, and purity of food. The Islamic version of kosher food is called hallal, and though they’re not exactly the same, they do have similarities.

Basically, when it comes right down to it, there is very little that is directly antagonistic between the two religions, other than whether Muhammad was a true prophet of God. And for most of the past 1,400 years, the relationship between Muslims and Jews has been relatively good. Although Jews still weren’t accorded equal status under Muslim rule, Islam tended to treat them better than Christianity did. Certainly, while Palestine was under Turkish and British rule, Jewish people lived side by side with Muslim neighbors in peace and, usually, goodwill. Still, Muslims, like Christians, tended to resent the fact that the Jews didn’t fully agree with them.

Perhaps these two religions are like two siblings in the same family who are so similar that they forever squabble and compete for the attention and love of a parent. Between Ishmael and Isaac, who did Abraham love more? Who did God love more? We are saddened by the fact that monotheism has, in some regards, turned into a game of “There’s only one God and it’s my God” rather than “We’re all on our own paths to the One God.”