Contents
Preface
Acknowledgments
CHAPTER ONE: You Are Not Alone
Meet the Women of the Lodge
Therese
Vanessa
Jacque
Sara
Maite
Jenny
Moving On to Your Journey
Reflective Thoughts and Questions
CHAPTER TWO: In the Face of Truth
Denial: Protecting the Illusion
Gaslighting: Master of Misdirection
Toxic Stress Leading to Traumatic Responses
Preoccupation and Hypervigilance
Control
Image Management
Distorted Anger
Rage
Sideways Anger
Anger Avoidance
Chronic Grief and Loss
The Body Knows
The Impact of Stress
Stress and Serious Illness
Behavioral Health Issues
Addictions: Substance and Process
Safe
Mood and Anxiety Disorders
Reflective Thoughts and Questions
CHAPTER THREE: His Behavior Is Not About You
The Addiction
The Behaviors
The Science of Addiction
The Addictive Cycle
Why Am I Not Enough?
Multiple Manifestations of Addiction
Depression and Anxiety
Reflective Thoughts and Questions
CHAPTER FOUR: Generational Repeat
Abandonment
The Partner : Trauma Repetition
Sexual Messages
The Addict: Reenacting the Wound
Shared Traits
Compartmentalizing
Reflective Thoughts and Questions
CHAPTER FIVE: Learning the News
Disclosure
The Dribbling Effect
After Disclosure
Getting Tested for STDs
Being Sexual After Disclosure
Should I Stay or Should I Leave?
Making the Decision
Therapeutic Separation
Am I Crazy to Love Him?
Reflective Thoughts and Questions
CHAPTER SIX: What Do You Tell Your Children?
Children’s Reactions
Rationale for Disclosure to Children
Appropriate Age
Healthy Disclosure
A Soft Approach to Disclosure
A Direct Approach to Disclosure
Recognizing the Complexity
Answering Their Questions
Ongoing Healing
Beyond Disclosure
Reflective Thoughts and Questions
CHAPTER SEVEN: Your Time to Heal
Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries
Saying No, Saying Yes
Early Recovery Boundaries
Nonnegotiable Boundaries
Freeing Yourself from the Mental Frenzy
Calming the Emotional Brain
Concept of Powerlessness
Feelings
Recognizing Yourself in the Grief Process
How Long Will It Hurt?
Your Sexual Relationship
Facing Relapse
Building Trust
Asking for Help
Reflective Thoughts and Questions
CHAPTER EIGHT: Finding Your Serenity
Forgiveness
False Forgiveness
Forgiveness and Recovery
Self-forgiveness
Spirituality: Where Is Your God?
The Spiritual Path
Reflective Thoughts and Questions
CHAPTER NINE: The Women of the Lodge
Therese
Vanessa
Maite
Jacque
Jenny
Sara
The Invitation
Reflective Thoughts and Questions
Helpful Resources