CHAPTER 5

Week 2—Limiting Beliefs That Have to Go

It’s time to discuss limiting subconscious beliefs about your ability to lose weight. If your conscious mind wants one thing (to lose weight) and your subconscious mind believes something else (it’s unsafe to lose weight), your subconscious beliefs will beat out your conscious desires, every time.

It is important to unearth subconscious limiting beliefs because, whether you’re aware of them or not, they’re still at the helm of every decision you make (or do not make). If you’re not aware of them, you cannot change them. Once you have this awareness, you can negotiate a new way of being. Once your conscious desires and your subconscious beliefs are in alignment, you will be free to live a life of design, rather than one by default!

The first step is to understand that your subconscious beliefs are shaping your reality. I always ask my clients why they believe their previous weight loss efforts failed. But I ask them twice . . . First, I ask their conscious mind before the hypnosis session starts. Then I ask them again once they are deep in hypnosis, when I know their subconscious will be answering. In this chart, you’ll be able to compare the most common (from top to bottom) subconscious beliefs versus conscious beliefs about why losing weight has failed in the past.

Conscious beliefs for why weight loss failed in the past	Subconscious beliefs for why weight loss failed in the past
emotional eating	“I’m not good enough”: I’m a failure; I’m weak; I’m not worth taking care of; I’m not worthy of being thin and loving my body; I’m a loser.
eating when bored	“It’s in my genes”: I’ll always be overweight; I’m meant to be overweight because my whole family is obese; women in our family can’t lose weight if we’re over fifty.
carb addiction	“It’s not pleasurable to eat healthy”: Junk food tastes better; healthy living is not fun; eating out is more enjoyable than cooking; fruits and vegetables are not as tasty; veggies are a punishment; nothing is tastier than carbs; good-tasting food is love.
sugar addiction	“It’s too hard to eat healthfully”: Dieting takes so much planning and time; healthy foods are expensive and take too much time to prepare.
negative self-talk	“I just can’t do it”: I can’t change anything so there’s no use in trying; I can’t be healthy; I don’t have faith in myself; I’ve started and stopped so many times; I’m not strong enough to stick to anything long enough to lose weight; even if I lose weight I’ll never keep it off.
meal planning/cooking	“I don’t want attention”: It’s not safe to have a physically attractive body; my weight is safe; the bigger I am, the less attention I get; my weight keeps me safe and hidden so no one will give me sexual attention.
binge eating	“I’m ugly” or “I’m unattractive.”
hating my body	“I eat [insert processed food] to escape from [insert source of stress].”
friend/family sabotage	“I have no self-control.”
stress	“I don’t have time to exercise.”
lack of sleep	“I don’t deserve a body that I’m proud of.”

Isn’t the information in this chart fascinating? As you can see, the subconscious more often expresses deep pain such as “I don’t have faith in myself,” whereas the conscious mind often gives more surface reasonings like “carb addiction.” There is also some crossover, of course. For example, emotional eating (the number one conscious mind answer) is clearly an effect of not feeling good enough (the number one subconscious mind answer). The subconscious mind knows the truth. For example, the real reason a client of mine struggled to lose weight in the past was because she had the subconscious belief that “women in my family can’t lose weight when they’re over fifty,” not because of the second helpings (which her conscious mind believed was the culprit). The second helpings might be happening, but they are an effect, not a cause. Once my client realized this, she was able to do the work to heal the actual issue. Let’s look at another cause-and-effect relationship.

Round 1

Cause = Feeling of not being good enough

Effect = Emotional eating

Next, the effect becomes the cause.

Round 2

Cause = Emotional eating

Effect = Weight gain, lethargy, a mindset of “I never stick to what I set out to do, I’m a failure.”

Then the weight gain and feeling like a failure feed back into the feeling of not being good enough. This is a figure eight, which feeds into itself and loops back around.

Most people believe if they lose the weight, they’ll stop feeling like a failure. The reality is that when you stop feeling like a failure (subconsciously), you’ll finally be able to lose the weight.

This is why self-love isn’t just a nice idea when coupled with weight loss initiatives; it’s an absolute necessity. It can be tremendously helpful (although it isn’t always necessary) to understand where your limiting beliefs around food, exercise, and weight loss first began. These are some of the more common sources I’ve heard from clients:

•Childhood trauma

•Family loss

•Family pressure

•Passed down in family, generation after generation

•Feeling different from and ostracized by one’s peers

•Feeling overwhelmed with family and work commitments

•Failing at previous attempts to lose weight

•Financial challenges

•Unwanted attention

•Sexual abuse

•One’s own insecurities

•“I’m not even sure where or when my limiting beliefs began.”

•If you also don’t know where or when your limiting beliefs around food or weight began, once you listen to chapter five’s hypnosis recording at www.CloseYourEyesLoseWeight.com, you’ll have a much better idea.

Our Parents: To Blame or Not to Blame?

Over the years I’ve noticed a tendency for limiting beliefs about food and our bodies to come from Mom more than anyone else in the family—which isn’t surprising. Historically, the mother has always been the one who is cooking, food shopping, and making sure we’re fed. She is therefore the one who was most likely to express love through food. No matter how our parents treated us, the subconscious wants to honor our parents often by choosing certain ways to be just like them, ways our conscious mind would never have agreed to if it had been given a vote. The subconscious believes that by “honoring” our parents through these traits it also increases our chances of being loved and therefore protected and cared for. It would feel subconsciously cruel to be thinner than Mom, or healthier than Mom, to be seen as looking down on her unhelpful recipes, or to not understand her plight of struggling with her weight all her life.

Of course, things could change for future generations now that more parents are sharing cooking and food shopping responsibilities, but for now the idea that “Mom is why I’m overweight” is certainly a common thread. Why is this important? Oftentimes, human beings want someone to blame for our own shortcomings, and I’ve noticed when clients first realize their subconscious challenges with weight loss stem back to Mom that their conscious minds have a desire to blame her for their current challenges with food and weight.

The fact of the matter, though, is Mom learned these beliefs, habits, and traits from someone else, too. And it’s typically not a great use of time to sit around being angry with Grandma because she learned it from someone, too . . . And I know you don’t have time to be mad at your great-great-nonna.

When we find out the “source” of our limiting or unhelpful beliefs, it is much more powerful to send them love for the struggles they faced. Forgive them and lovingly separate yourself from those antiquated beliefs (this week’s recording will show you how). While these challenges from the past might not be your fault, you are the only one who can change them now. When you take responsibility for cleaning up your subconscious, you pass on healthier beliefs and habits to the next generation, who learn by observing your new and improved behaviors. Take a nice, deep letting-go breath and recognize that you have the power to stop generational wounding. That is incredibly powerful.

And Dad, you’re not getting let off the hook so easily. While many clients can trace “food is love” or “I love my mom too much to shame her by being skinnier than her” beliefs back to their moms, many clients can trace their first experience of body shaming back to their dads. “If you can pinch an inch, it’s time for a diet,” said a dad to his twelve-year-old daughter as he squeezed the skin above his own hips, both to demonstrate how thin he was . . . and simultaneously point out how much more skin his daughter had. The result for the client? Body dysmorphia for the next fifteen years until she had her first hypnotherapy session. One comment resulted in more than a decade of needless suffering. That might sound extreme, but it’s a benign example compared to what many of my clients have experienced. And of course, it wasn’t just one comment; it was the first of a lifetime of similar comments that made the first wound worse over time.

If you’re a parent now (or wish to be in the future) and know you grew up surrounded by antiquated limiting beliefs and unhelpful actions, you’re doing yourself and the next generation a massive favor by reading this book and taking responsibility for your subconscious mind. I’m so proud of you! Even though it’s not your fault—and it’s not even necessarily the fault of the person who taught it to you, either—you’re going to help set the next generation of your family free. Often, we’ll do for others what we won’t do for ourselves, so another great way to beat Resistance when it shows up is to remind yourself, “I’m not just doing this for myself, I’m doing this for my kids.” You’ll be happily met with a surge of motivation to get back on track with upgrading and reconditioning your subconscious.

The last thing I’ll say about parental influence is this: we won’t get it right 100 percent of the time. As parents, we are going to occasionally slip up and say something unhelpful to our kids, something that was programmed into our brains when we were kids ourselves. Even if our kids grow up with some unhelpful beliefs and limiting thoughts, they’ll still be the first generation to ever grow up with far fewer of them because we’re the first humans in a long, long time (perhaps ever)⁴² to make cleaning up our subconscious minds a priority. If they continue to do the same as adults, they’ll pass on even less subconscious junk to their kids. Think about the kind of human beings who will be walking this earth in two generations’ time if we all commit to cleaning up our subconscious minds together, today.

As mentioned in chapter one, the subconscious always believes it’s helping you. Even with the most wayward thinking and unhelpful habits imprinted in your subconscious blueprint, it still believes it is helping you. These beliefs cannot be transformed until the subconscious is satisfied that the ways in which it believes it is helping you will still be met. Here are some examples shared by Grace Spacers where their subconscious mind had a belief it felt was helping them but wasn’t. In bold I’ve added examples of “reframes,” which are ways of making the subconscious mind see this differently where you can get the result you want (buy-in from the subconscious to help you lose weight) and it still gets what it wants (to keep you safe). This will give you ideas on how you can reframe your own subconscious limiting beliefs while listening to this week’s hypnosis audio recording:

•My subconscious belief thought it took less effort to hold on to my negative belief than to change it for a positive one. Reframe: It’s a lot more work to combat health issues in the future than it is to support your health through optimal eating now. Choose being healthy now.

•My subconscious belief thought people would like me if I put their needs and feelings ahead of my own. Reframe: When you put yourself first, you have more energy to give to others. No one can drink from an empty cup. Fill up your cup first.

•My subconscious belief thought if I couldn’t depend on the people in my life, I could at least depend on food to make me feel good. Reframe: You cannot change other people and resentment only hurts you. Release expectations of others and be the best you can be for yourself. Unhelpful foods are punishment; reward yourself with nourishing foods.

•My subconscious belief thought I could do everything on my own and handle anything. Reframe: You’ll thrive for a lot longer by making helpful choices that are in your best interest now.

•My subconscious belief thought it protected me from failure and disappointment because being overweight became part of my personality. Reframe: The biggest disappointment of all is regret. You want to avoid the pain of regret at all costs. Go for your bold, beautiful life. Learn valuable lessons along the way, and you will avoid the pain of regret.

•My subconscious belief thought it protected me from all the unwanted attention. Reframe: If you hide because of an abuser’s actions, they win. The courage to live an incredible life is within you. Find it now. You are worthy.

•My subconscious belief thought it protected me from punishment. Reframe: Unhelpful foods are a punishment. They steal our health and vitality. Reward yourself by claiming your rightful state of vibrant health.

•My subconscious belief thought it gave me an excuse, “Well, this is just how it is, and this is how I am.” Reframe: Who decides “how you are”? Are you going to let others define you? If you want to be safe, you have to be in control. To be in control, you and you alone can define “how you are.” Choose health. Choose happiness.

•My subconscious belief thought it kept me safe. Reframe: It is dangerous to be unhealthy. It is safe to eat helpful foods, to chew, to drink water, to stop eating when 90 percent satisfied, to move your body twenty minutes per day. These are your greatest insurance policies for a healthy, long life.

•My subconscious belief thought it kept me humble. Reframe: The thought “all God’s children are magnificent because they were created by God” shows reverence for the body you were gifted. To eat unhelpful foods, to remain immobile, is to squander this divine gift. Show gratitude for your God-given body by treating your body kindly: eat helpful foods and move for twenty minutes per day.

•My subconscious belief thought it was giving me love. Reframe: Those old, unhelpful actions were a punishment. To show yourself love, stand in front of the mirror and say ten kind things to yourself, about yourself, right now. Feel your heart opening wide. You are worthy of love and respect just as you are.

If the subconscious believes it is keeping you safe and humble, and that it’s protecting you from failure and disappointment, it’s not going to give those things up lightly. The subconscious thinks it’s doing important work by making sure the weight stays on. You have to prove to it that you are going to meet these needs of being safe and humble in other ways. During this week’s hypnosis recording, there will be an opportunity for you to transform your limiting beliefs. After listening to it the first time, refer to the reframe list for ideas on how to reframe limiting beliefs so you’ll have them handy for the second time you listen to the recording this week.

Who Am I Without This Struggle?

Here is a very common limiting subconscious belief and how to reframe it:

“I’ve always been overweight. I’ve always had this struggle. I honestly don’t know who I would be without it. I don’t know what I would talk about or think about. I don’t know how I would shop. I don’t know what I would complain about. If I lose weight, I’ll lose who I am. I’ll lose my identity. I’ll be lost.”

If this belief exists in the subconscious mind, it’s genuinely understandable. The subconscious (and Resistance) hate change. But (and bear with me, I’m going to get a little woo-woo here, but this topic calls for it) the truth is, you are more than the sum of your past problems. You are more than your body, even though it is miraculous and beautiful. You are more than your name, than your possessions, than your career, than your family life. At your core, you are infinite potential. You are boundless. You are perfection incarnate. You are consciousness.

The ego might be terrified of losing its overweight “identity” because it can’t yet conceive of what it would be like to live in a body that weighs significantly less. Learning to dig deep into the truth of who you are now will allow you to love who you are when you reach your destination, as well as for every single step of the journey, and beyond it.

This week’s hypnosis recording addresses this, and I so look forward to you leaning into the truth that you are so much more than your struggle. This is just something you’re doing. You are a human being, not a human doing. You are the being-ness that is witnessing this weight loss. The you that is witnessing this transformation is unchangeable. Take a nice, deep letting-go breath and trust that you are worthy and deserving of witnessing these transformations in your body, mind, and spirit. Because you are infinite, the part of you experiencing weight loss is one tiny piece of who you are. In this week’s hypnosis recording, you’ll be able to reconcile subconscious fears about changing identity when you tap into the truth that your identity is beyond description. This means that however you choose to present yourself to the world is just a sliver of who you are, just a fragment of your essence. And if you choose to present that fragment of your essence in a more toned body, well, that is your prerogative, and it does nothing to change the magnificence of who you always have been and always will be.

Now that we have dissected popular limiting subconscious beliefs, it’s time to discuss your everyday language. When it comes to weight loss, I’ve heard a lot of clients say, “I’m struggling with __________,” or “It’s so hard to __________.” If you keep talking about what you’re “struggling” with or what’s “hard,” you’re programming yourself to struggle and for it to be hard! This isn’t about negating feelings or solving everything with a blanket statement such as “Everything is easy if I just think it is.” It’s simply about choosing your language so you’re focused on what you do want instead of what you don’t want. Instead of saying, “I’m struggling with ________,” use “I’m looking forward to improving _________.”

When you become aware of the power of language and you start to listen to people around you, you realize 99 percent of people are constantly focused on what they don’t want; it’s what they spend all day talking about and thinking about. Even though they think they’re talking about progress, they’re talking about their problems, and in doing so are etching those problems deeper into their neural pathways.

Applying this to weight loss, you must focus on the body you desire to have. To get the body you want, you must love the body you have, yes, but you must also visualize the body you want. You must make it real, to hold the visual, to set a neurological framework, a precedent, so that your mind can get used to what it’s like for you to be that new size. For most people, it is much easier to visualize the body they desire while in hypnosis.

Positive Versus Negative

I easily could have said, “For most people it’s harder to visualize the body they want using their conscious mind.” But I said instead, “It’s much easier for most people to visualize the body they desire while in hypnosis.” Both statements are true, though one focuses on the positive. You must speak the truth of what you want. Instead of saying, “I have so much weight left to lose,” say, “I’ve already lost a few pounds and I’m so proud of myself. Every day I’m heading in the direction I want to go in, and it feels so good!”

A few phrases have got to go if you want to lose weight. You’re no longer allowed to think them. You are definitely no longer allowed to say them, and if by force of habit they happen to pop up, you’re going to say, “Cancel, cancel!” and replace them with what you want to be your reality.

For example, let’s say you’re putting on a top that used to fit perfectly. Now you’re pulling it over your stomach and the thought that pops into your head is, “I’m so fat.” That thought is not helping you lose weight. It is keeping the weight on. It is conditioning and programming you . . . It is hypnotizing you. Consider this: “The first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are.”⁴³ If something like that comes into your mind accidentally, or out of habit, it’s all good. All is not lost. You’re working on creating new conditioning in your mind so there will be some overlap when old thoughts pop up before new thoughts take over. If those unhelpful thoughts show up, simply cancel them immediately so they don’t strengthen those neural pathways. Say, for example, “Cancel, cancel! Every day in every way I’m losing weight and feeling great.” You want to replace the negative language with a thought that is positive and believable so you can start to leave those old, useless, painful, harmful thoughts behind ASAP.

More examples of what has to go:

“Honey, do I look fat in this?” Not a question you’re allowed to ask anymore. You know why? Because it has opened the possibility for a yes in your mind, regardless of what your partner says. That question is no longer allowed . . . even if your partner is wise enough not to take the bait.

“I’m so disgusting. Why do I bother?” Got to go. Start thinking positive thoughts: “Every day in every way I have more energy. Every day in every way I love myself more and more. I actually look really cute in this. My butt looks kinda nice in this!”

“I’m big boned.” You might be, and if you are, great! Is affirming this with a negative connotation going to help you lose weight, feel great, and love your body? Nope. Replace it with “I love my strong body and enjoy getting healthier every day.”

“Everyone in my family is obese.” They might be. Is that thought, that conditioning, going to help you lose weight, feel great, and love yourself? Not a chance. Instead, say, “I’m honored to show my family what’s possible. I’m worthy of being healthy. Every day in every way I’m losing weight and feeling great.” I also suggest looking into the study of epigenetics, which teaches us that our genes are not our destiny.

The epigenome is the cellular material that sits on top of the genome (the complete set of genetic material present in a cell or organism). While epigenomes do not alter the genetic code, they direct genes to switch on (becoming active) or off (becoming dormant) through a variety of biological mechanisms. This intriguing finding means that your genetic heritage is not the primary determinant of your health, disease risk, or longevity . . . These changes in gene activity do not involve alterations to the genetic code, but are in great part determined by the choices we make . . . [D]iet, lifestyle, exercise, sleep habits, environmental factors, stress, and social relationships have all been shown to influence the expression of your genetic inheritance.⁴⁴

Just because something is, doesn’t necessarily mean you have to keep affirming it. You can affirm the positive things, the things that make you feel good, and the things that move you closer to your desired end goal.

Practice rewriting unhelpful thoughts. What are the last three negative thoughts you had about yourself, your weight, and your body? Write them down here, then “Cancel, cancel!” and flip the script!

1.a) Negative thought about yourself (write it and then cross it out):

b) Say, “Cancel, cancel!”

c) Positive thought to replace it with (use your emotions to feel the truth of this statement):

2.a) Negative thought about your weight (write it and then cross it out):

b) Say, “Cancel, cancel!”

c) Positive thought to replace it with (use your emotions to feel the truth of this statement):

3.a) Negative thought about your body (write it and then cross it out):

b) Say, “Cancel, cancel!”

c) Positive thought to replace it with (use your emotions to feel the truth of this statement):

This brings us to the final lesson of this chapter: the subconscious will never let you become something you hate.

Therefore, what shouldn’t you hate? Or if hate is too strong a word to describe any lackluster sentiment, what can’t you resent, dislike, look down upon, snub, feel jealousy or envy toward, be self-righteous toward, or criticize?

•Skinny people

•Healthy people

•Small-boned people

•People with good genes

•People who eat healthy food

•People who exercise

•People who appear to have it all together

•People who meal-prep religiously every Sunday night

•People who cook healthy meals for their kids

•Rich people . . . assuming you’d like to have some money

See where this is going?

Your subconscious is never going to allow you to have any of the things you want if you hate or resent or even moderately dislike the people who already have them.

Are you showing resentment or envy toward someone else who has something you want? Have you had thoughts like, “She won the gene lottery, good for her” (perhaps with a twinge of sarcasm), or “Must be nice to look like that” (perhaps with unveiled envy)?

Is this idea a radical shift for you? It’s pretty much the opposite of what we’re taught to do by society. We tend to scorn and scoff at or make fun of the people who have what we want so we can stop feeling bad about the fact that we don’t have it. Unfortunately, that is the way to make sure we never get it. We’re trained to make the “other” bad so we can feel better about ourselves. It is a protective mechanism.

Let’s take Susan, for example. If Susan continues thinking negative thoughts about healthy, sexy, thin people, her subconscious will sabotage weight loss efforts all day long. Her subconscious is thinking, “If I become that, people will hate me. They’ll think and say nasty things about me. They’ll think I’m a bimbo. They’ll think I got plastic surgery. How do I know people will think this about me? Because I’ve been thinking it about skinny people my whole life! It’s safer to be big and appreciated for my humor and intellect.” These thoughts aren’t necessarily happening consciously, but they’re certainly happening subconsciously. I’ve seen it time and time again with my clients. But the good news is, Susan doesn’t have to choose! She can have it all—humor, intellect, health, and a body she loves.

If you want what someone else has, send them love. If you see someone with a gorgeous, toned body, rather than thinking, “Oh, I bet they have good genes. I bet they’ve had work done. I bet they have a personal trainer, must be nice,” celebrate: “What a gorgeous, healthy body. I am so happy for that person, and I am loving my personal journey toward improving my health.” Whatever it is that you desire to accomplish, start thinking positive thoughts toward the people who have already accomplished that and you’ll get there faster—plus it feels good to support others! Send the healthy people around you even more healthiness! Send the woman with the beautiful bum even more beautiful bum-ness. Send the toned, strong folks love and appreciation for all they’ve done to cultivate such beautiful, healthy bods. You have to tell your subconscious what you want, and that it’s safe for you to become that by showering love and appreciation on those souls who already have it.

Start showering love. Let’s practice now:

Insert the name of someone fit, toned, and healthy, then repeat out loud ten times:

“_____________________________________, I’m proud of you, I thank you for being an example of what’s possible, I send you love and even more of a sexy body and even more health and vitality!”

Now journal what you notice. How do you feel after those ten repetitions? How does this differ from how you used to feel when you thought about someone like that?

You can use this with anyone who has a life you want—think of someone rich, or someone with a happy family, or someone who has a brilliant career. Send them love and support in their success.

Homework

A.Practice self-hypnosis three times a day, every day this week (right before breakfast, lunch, and dinner). Turn to page 20 for a reminder of how to do self-hypnosis or head to www.CloseYourEyesLoseWeight.com to follow along with a tutorial video.

Week 2 Hypno-affirmations—Limiting Beliefs

•I am worthy.

•I love how healthy food makes me feel.

•It is safe for me to lose weight and feel great.

•I am strong enough to do this.

•I deserve a body that I’m proud of.

•I am enough.

B.Listen to the “Week 2—Limiting Beliefs” hypnosis recording every day for the next week here: www.CloseYourEyesLoseWeight.com.

C.Use your journal pages daily to stay motivated, log your progress, and determine which pick-me-up hypno-affirmations you’ll benefit from most.

You are now aware of your subconscious limiting beliefs and how they developed. Together, we’ve reframed those limiting beliefs into helpful, empowering beliefs. Your subconscious beliefs are now in alignment with your conscious desire to treat your body with love and respect. I’m so proud of you! It’s time to go deeper. In chapter six, you’re going to discover how to say yes to helpful foods and no to foods that don’t support your body. Get ready to pass on the dessert without feeling deprived!

42 In chapter three of Close Your Eyes, Get Free you can learn about how hypnosis was used in ancient Egyptian and druid cultures.

43 Abby Luschei, “Your First Thought Does Not Define You,” Odyssey, January 17, 2017, www.theodysseyonline.com/your-first-thought-does-define.

44 Donnie Yance, “Your Genes Are Not Your Destiny: The Science Of Epigenetics,” DonnieYance.com, March 28, 2017, www.donnieyance.com/your-genes-are-not-your-destiny-the-science-of-epigenetics/.