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Dedication
HAMBURGER CASSEROLE FOR WHEN NOBODY LOVES YOU AND NEVER WILL
DRUNK AND DISORDERLY DONUT PUDDING
BABY WON’T STOP CRYING NACHOS SUPREME
OCD BLT
BEST FRIEND IS A TOTAL BITCH GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH
THE WHOLE OFFICE READ YOUR JOURNAL YUMMY OATMEAL MUFFINS
WORST DATE EVER NUTTY CHEESE BALL
YOUR BROTHER REALLY WAS MOM’S FAVORITE PEACH PIE
FAILED THE GED CREAMED SPINACH FOR IDIOTS
YOU WALKED ALL THE WAY TO YOUR OFFICE WITHOUT REALIZING YOUR SKIRT WAS TUCKED ...
YOUR DECOR HASN’T CHANGED SINCE COLLEGE PIZZA LOAF
SKY-HIGH BANANA CREAM PIE BECAUSE YOU ARE DATING A MARRIED GUY
JALAPEÑO POPPERS FOR WHEN YOUR ONLY FRIENDS ARE PEOPLE YOU MET IN A CHAT ROOM
FORECLOSURE FIESTA
WHO’S THE DADDY? FLAPJACKS
FORTY YEARS OLD AND FIRED FROM STARBUCKS CHEWY FRUIT AND NUT COOKIE STACK
GRAVY CHEESE FRIES FOR A BIG FAT FATTY
NOBODY THINKS YOU ARE FUNNY ORANGE-GLAZED PORK CHOPS
COCKTAIL NIBBLES FOR ALCOHOLICS
POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER SWEET POTATO PIE
STINKING NO GOOD BROKEDOWN CAR BUTTERMILK FRIED CHICKEN
SPICY NUTS WITH HONEY ’CAUSE YOU MARRIED FOR MONEY
HALLOWEEN COSTUME PROVED OFFENSIVE TO ALL YOUR COWORKERS CHOCOLATE SMORGASBORD
CHEESE FONDUE BECAUSE YOUR THERAPIST FELL ASLEEP ON YOU
VALENTINE’S DAY PARTY RYES FOR DIVORCÉES
ADMONISHED BY MALE STRIPPER FOR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR TARRAGON SCRAMBLED EGGS
DOUBLE CRUST APPLE PIE FOR RECREATIONAL BULIMICS
THE SLAMMIN’ CHICK FROM THE CLUB WAS NOT AT ALL A CHICK CHICKEN CLUB
YOU FARTED LOUDLY IN THE ELEVATOR GREEN CURRY CHICKEN
BREAKFAST SANDWICH FOR MORNING-AFTER REGRET
TOTALLY BOWLEGGED DOUBLE DEVILED EGG(ED) SALAD
STAYING TOGETHER FOR THE CHILDREN CHICKEN TETRAZZINI
¡ EL CHUPACABRA ATE ALL THE CHICKENS! CHIMICHANGA
CEREAL SNACK FOR AGING POTHEADS
YOU SAW A GROUP OF GIRLS YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH AT A RESTAURANT AND YOU ...
MOVING TO RUSSIA TO LOOK FOR WORK CHOCOBANBUTT PANINI
CINNAMON-SPICED APPLE FRITTER FOR WHEN YOUR HUSBAND RAN OFF WITH THE BABYSITTER
CHICKEN TERIYAKI FOR WHEN YOUR CAREER IN ADVERTISING HAS DESTROYED YOUR SOUL
MANIC-DEPRESSIVE BROWNIES, TWO WAYS! THE MANIC WAY
THE DEPRESSIVE WAY
POSTPARTUM POTATO PIEROGIES
MIL FROM HELL TACO BELL
EMERGENCY FOOD SOURCE FOR PLANE-CRASH SURVIVORS
CAUGHT MOM AND DAD IN THE ACT TATER TOT CASSEROLE
ALOPECIA PIZZA
MOM’S OLD-FASHIONED CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP FOR CLOSET CASES
YOU GOT DRUNK AND CALLED YOUR FRIEND A SLUT IN FRONT OF HER FATHER CHEESEBURGER SOUP
PERFECT MASHED POTATOES FOR DISAPPOINTED PARENTS
BAD BOTOX BOLOGNESE
YOU WERE A BULLY IN MIDDLE SCHOOL BANANA BREAD
YOUR MARRIAGE IS A DISASTER SICILIAN LASAGNA
YOU ARE GOING TO [VERB] [PERSON] FOR [ADVERB] [VERB] YOUR [NOUN] TWICE-BAKED POTATOES
LITTLE SISTER EARNS MORE THAN YOU HAM AND CHEESE TOASTIE
HE ONLY MARRIED YOU FOR HIS GREEN CARD CHICKEN SALAD
STIR-FRY FOR STRETCH MARKS
LONELY CHRISTMAS PUDDING
HARDTACK FOR LONELY SEAMEN ON WHALING VESSELS
LEFT AT THE ALTAR PETITS-FOURS LOG
PEPPERONI PIZZA FOR AGORAPHOBES
RELUCTANT BREADWINNER’S QUICHE FOR RESENTFUL WIVES OF STAY-AT-HOME DADS
REJECTED BY SKIDMORE AND THAT WAS YOUR SAFETY SCHOOL CHICKEN FRIED STEAK
YOUR BIRTHDAY IS SEPTEMBER 11 CHOCOLATE MUD CAKE
IT’S TIME TO SETTLE SPAGHETTI CARBONARA FOR WOMEN IN THEIR “THIRTIES”
YOU ARE OVERQUALIFIED FOR YOUR JOB AND THEY MAKE YOU GET THE DONUTS SUPER ...
NOT EVEN A TOTAL LOSER WOULD SLEEP WITH YOU OATMEAL COOKIES
A DHD ALPHABET SOUP
FOUND OUT YOUR BIRTH MOTHER WAS A CARNEY HOT BEEF SUNDAE
SALMON RUSHDIE FATWA SURPRISE
HELIKES YOUR ROOMMATE KEY LIME PIE
ACCIDENTALLY JOINED THE PTA PERFECT POTLUCK BAKED ZITI
DOUBLE- DETOX MILK SHAKE
HOME FRIES FOR THE UNINSURED
SLEPT WITH YOUR PROFESSOR AND HE STILL GAVE YOU A D BAKED BRIE
UNWANTED PREGNANCY KIELBASA AND SAUERKRAUT
THREE-ALARM CHILI FOR BAD MOTHERS
TWENTY-NINE AND STILL CAN’T PAY YOUR RENT VEGGIE SANDWICH
CORN CAKE FOR INDIGENOUS PEOPLES
YOU STOPPED SLEEPING WITH YOUR HUSBAND YEARS AGO PROVENÇAL TOMATO TARTLET
RAINBOW SHERBET ’CAUSE YOUR BOSS IS A PERVERT
EVIL STEPMOTHER’S ROCK CANDY
PMS POT STICKERS
DUMPED ON NEW YEAR’S EVE MEATBALL SANDWICH
UGLY BABY CHEESE SANDWICH
MIDLIFE CRISIS RIB EYE
INGLE MOTHER BEEF STEW
DEAD BROKE DUMPLINGS
HE’S BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU LINGUINI WITH SUN-DRIED TOMATO CREAM SAUCE
YOUR DREAMS WILL NEVER COME TRUE HUNGARIAN GOULASH
YOU DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS CRAP CRÊPES SUZETTE FOR WIVES OF FORMER BANKERS
YOUR DAD IS A SCUMBAG MONKEY BREAD
HUMMUS FOR WHEN YOU WANT TO KILL SOMEONE
HUMMUS FOR WHEN YOU HAVE KILLED SOMEONE
FANNIE MAE AND FREDDIE MAC ’N’ CHEESE
Some places to eat your feelings:
Some books to read while eating your feelings:
Some people with whom to eat your feelings:
Some music to listen to while eating your feelings:
Some things to avoid while eating your feelings:
Acknowledgements
Index
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