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Title Page Copyright Page Dedication HAMBURGER CASSEROLE FOR WHEN NOBODY LOVES YOU AND NEVER WILL DRUNK AND DISORDERLY DONUT PUDDING BABY WON’T STOP CRYING NACHOS SUPREME OCD BLT BEST FRIEND IS A TOTAL BITCH GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH THE WHOLE OFFICE READ YOUR JOURNAL YUMMY OATMEAL MUFFINS WORST DATE EVER NUTTY CHEESE BALL YOUR BROTHER REALLY WAS MOM’S FAVORITE PEACH PIE FAILED THE GED CREAMED SPINACH FOR IDIOTS YOU WALKED ALL THE WAY TO YOUR OFFICE WITHOUT REALIZING YOUR SKIRT WAS TUCKED ... YOUR DECOR HASN’T CHANGED SINCE COLLEGE PIZZA LOAF SKY-HIGH BANANA CREAM PIE BECAUSE YOU ARE DATING A MARRIED GUY JALAPEÑO POPPERS FOR WHEN YOUR ONLY FRIENDS ARE PEOPLE YOU MET IN A CHAT ROOM FORECLOSURE FIESTA WHO’S THE DADDY? FLAPJACKS FORTY YEARS OLD AND FIRED FROM STARBUCKS CHEWY FRUIT AND NUT COOKIE STACK GRAVY CHEESE FRIES FOR A BIG FAT FATTY NOBODY THINKS YOU ARE FUNNY ORANGE-GLAZED PORK CHOPS COCKTAIL NIBBLES FOR ALCOHOLICS POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER SWEET POTATO PIE STINKING NO GOOD BROKEDOWN CAR BUTTERMILK FRIED CHICKEN SPICY NUTS WITH HONEY ’CAUSE YOU MARRIED FOR MONEY HALLOWEEN COSTUME PROVED OFFENSIVE TO ALL YOUR COWORKERS CHOCOLATE SMORGASBORD CHEESE FONDUE BECAUSE YOUR THERAPIST FELL ASLEEP ON YOU VALENTINE’S DAY PARTY RYES FOR DIVORCÉES ADMONISHED BY MALE STRIPPER FOR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR TARRAGON SCRAMBLED EGGS DOUBLE CRUST APPLE PIE FOR RECREATIONAL BULIMICS THE SLAMMIN’ CHICK FROM THE CLUB WAS NOT AT ALL A CHICK CHICKEN CLUB YOU FARTED LOUDLY IN THE ELEVATOR GREEN CURRY CHICKEN BREAKFAST SANDWICH FOR MORNING-AFTER REGRET TOTALLY BOWLEGGED DOUBLE DEVILED EGG(ED) SALAD STAYING TOGETHER FOR THE CHILDREN CHICKEN TETRAZZINI ¡ EL CHUPACABRA ATE ALL THE CHICKENS! CHIMICHANGA CEREAL SNACK FOR AGING POTHEADS YOU SAW A GROUP OF GIRLS YOU WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH AT A RESTAURANT AND YOU ... MOVING TO RUSSIA TO LOOK FOR WORK CHOCOBANBUTT PANINI CINNAMON-SPICED APPLE FRITTER FOR WHEN YOUR HUSBAND RAN OFF WITH THE BABYSITTER CHICKEN TERIYAKI FOR WHEN YOUR CAREER IN ADVERTISING HAS DESTROYED YOUR SOUL MANIC-DEPRESSIVE BROWNIES, TWO WAYS! THE MANIC WAY THE DEPRESSIVE WAY POSTPARTUM POTATO PIEROGIES MIL FROM HELL TACO BELL EMERGENCY FOOD SOURCE FOR PLANE-CRASH SURVIVORS CAUGHT MOM AND DAD IN THE ACT TATER TOT CASSEROLE ALOPECIA PIZZA MOM’S OLD-FASHIONED CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP FOR CLOSET CASES YOU GOT DRUNK AND CALLED YOUR FRIEND A SLUT IN FRONT OF HER FATHER CHEESEBURGER SOUP PERFECT MASHED POTATOES FOR DISAPPOINTED PARENTS BAD BOTOX BOLOGNESE YOU WERE A BULLY IN MIDDLE SCHOOL BANANA BREAD YOUR MARRIAGE IS A DISASTER SICILIAN LASAGNA YOU ARE GOING TO [VERB] [PERSON] FOR [ADVERB] [VERB] YOUR [NOUN] TWICE-BAKED POTATOES LITTLE SISTER EARNS MORE THAN YOU HAM AND CHEESE TOASTIE HE ONLY MARRIED YOU FOR HIS GREEN CARD CHICKEN SALAD STIR-FRY FOR STRETCH MARKS LONELY CHRISTMAS PUDDING HARDTACK FOR LONELY SEAMEN ON WHALING VESSELS LEFT AT THE ALTAR PETITS-FOURS LOG PEPPERONI PIZZA FOR AGORAPHOBES RELUCTANT BREADWINNER’S QUICHE FOR RESENTFUL WIVES OF STAY-AT-HOME DADS REJECTED BY SKIDMORE AND THAT WAS YOUR SAFETY SCHOOL CHICKEN FRIED STEAK YOUR BIRTHDAY IS SEPTEMBER 11 CHOCOLATE MUD CAKE IT’S TIME TO SETTLE SPAGHETTI CARBONARA FOR WOMEN IN THEIR “THIRTIES” YOU ARE OVERQUALIFIED FOR YOUR JOB AND THEY MAKE YOU GET THE DONUTS SUPER ... NOT EVEN A TOTAL LOSER WOULD SLEEP WITH YOU OATMEAL COOKIES A DHD ALPHABET SOUP FOUND OUT YOUR BIRTH MOTHER WAS A CARNEY HOT BEEF SUNDAE SALMON RUSHDIE FATWA SURPRISE HELIKES YOUR ROOMMATE KEY LIME PIE ACCIDENTALLY JOINED THE PTA PERFECT POTLUCK BAKED ZITI DOUBLE- DETOX MILK SHAKE HOME FRIES FOR THE UNINSURED SLEPT WITH YOUR PROFESSOR AND HE STILL GAVE YOU A D BAKED BRIE UNWANTED PREGNANCY KIELBASA AND SAUERKRAUT THREE-ALARM CHILI FOR BAD MOTHERS TWENTY-NINE AND STILL CAN’T PAY YOUR RENT VEGGIE SANDWICH CORN CAKE FOR INDIGENOUS PEOPLES YOU STOPPED SLEEPING WITH YOUR HUSBAND YEARS AGO PROVENÇAL TOMATO TARTLET RAINBOW SHERBET ’CAUSE YOUR BOSS IS A PERVERT EVIL STEPMOTHER’S ROCK CANDY PMS POT STICKERS DUMPED ON NEW YEAR’S EVE MEATBALL SANDWICH UGLY BABY CHEESE SANDWICH MIDLIFE CRISIS RIB EYE INGLE MOTHER BEEF STEW DEAD BROKE DUMPLINGS HE’S BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU LINGUINI WITH SUN-DRIED TOMATO CREAM SAUCE YOUR DREAMS WILL NEVER COME TRUE HUNGARIAN GOULASH YOU DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS CRAP CRÊPES SUZETTE FOR WIVES OF FORMER BANKERS YOUR DAD IS A SCUMBAG MONKEY BREAD HUMMUS FOR WHEN YOU WANT TO KILL SOMEONE HUMMUS FOR WHEN YOU HAVE KILLED SOMEONE FANNIE MAE AND FREDDIE MAC ’N’ CHEESE Some places to eat your feelings: Some books to read while eating your feelings: Some people with whom to eat your feelings: Some music to listen to while eating your feelings: Some things to avoid while eating your feelings: Acknowledgements Index
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