Your Perfect Right by Alberti, Robert -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Contents Acknowledgments Introductionto the Tenth Edition

How Did Your Perfect Right Get That Way? How It All Began What’s Been Happening with Assertiveness? Where Are We Headed?

Part I: You and Your Perfect Right

CHAPTER 1: Assertiveness and You

So, How Does It Work? Assertiveness and Your Brain Who Needs It? The Assertive Alternative What Gets in the Way of Self-Expression? How Can You Benefit from This Book?

Chapter 2: How Assertive Are You Now?

Analyzing Your Results

Chapter 3: Keep Track of Your Growth

Making Your Journal Work for You

Part II: Discovering Assertiveness

Chapter 4: Whose Perfect Right?

Are Some More Equal Than Others? Assertive Women in the Twenty-First Century Men Can Be Assertive Too! Living in a Multicultural, Pluralistic World How Different Is “Different”? What Does Background Have to Do with Assertiveness? Society Often Discourages Assertiveness

Chapter 5: What It Means to Be Assertive

Assertive, Nonassertive, and Aggressive Behavior Assertiveness and Personal Boundaries Cultural Differences in Self-Assertion And It’s Not Just Culture… “But Isn’t Aggression Just Human Nature?” Classifying Behavior: “A Rose by Any Other Name…” Social Consequences of Assertion “Be Nice” Assertiveness in the Twenty-First Century Eleven Key Points About Assertive Behavior

Chapter 6: “Can You Give Me an Example?”

Recognizing Your Own Nonassertive and Aggressive Behavior

Part III: Becoming Assertive

Chapter 7: Set Goals for Yourself

“How Do I Know What I Want or Need?” “Hello, Needs? It’s Me, Tim Id.” A Behavioral Model for Personal Growth Structuring Your Goals

Personal Factors Ideals Feasibility Flexibility Time Priorities

Goal for It!

Chapter 8: It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It!

“I Never Know What to Say!” The Components of Assertive Behavior

Eye Contact Body Posture Distance/Physical Contact Gestures Facial Expression Voice Tone, Inflection, and Volume Fluency Timing Listening Thoughts Persistence Content

Check Out Your “Component Competence”

Chapter 9: Assertive Messages — Twenty-First-Century Style

How Will You Send It? Assertiveness Counts Phone Messages Written Messages — Online or Snail Mail Children Online

Chapter 10: Thinking Assertively

Self-Expression and Your Brain Your Attitude Toward Becoming Assertive Your Attitude Toward Yourself Thoughts That Get in the Way of Self-Assertion Helpful Aids for Handling Thoughts

Stress Inoculation Thought Stopping Positive Self-Statements

Stop Imagining the Worst “What Else Can I Do About My Thoughts?” Are Some More Equal Than Others?

Chapter 11: There’s Nothing to Be Afraid Of

Finding Your Fears: The SUD Scale List and Label Your Fears Methods for Overcoming Anxiety

Systematic Desensitization Exposure Desensitization Diet, Exercise, and Sleep Meditation, Breathing, Relaxation Training, and Mindfulness Treatment for Panic Attacks Irrational Beliefs and Self-Talk Assertiveness Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Medication Other Therapies for Anxiety

Summing Up About Anxiety

Chapter 12: It’s a Skill You Can Learn

Changing Behavior and Attitudes Getting There from Here When You Are Ready to Begin

Chapter 13: Take It One Step at a Time

The Step-by-Step Process for Increasing Your Assertiveness

Part IV: Building Assertive Relationships

Chapter 14: Assertiveness Builds Equal Relationships

Your Social Brain

Nature Plus Nurture Social Learning

“What the World Needs Now…” Reaching Out “Thanks, I Needed That!” Apologies Friendship The Battle of the Sexes Is Over…and It’s a Draw! Assertiveness in a Shrinking World

Chapter 15: All in the Family: Assertiveness for Parents, Children, and Seniors

Out of the Mouths of Babes They Do Grow Up, Don’t They? Grandparents Can Be Assertive Too Assertiveness and Balance in the Family System

Chapter 16: Assertiveness, Intimacy, and Sexuality

Are Intimacy and Sex the Same Thing? Is That All There Is? Assertive Sexuality Sex Is a Social Activity Some Basic Skill Areas of Assertive Sexuality When No Is Not Enough Assertiveness and Equality in Intimate Relationships

Part V: Applying Your Assertiveness

Chapter 17: Anger 101: It’s Not a Four-Letter Word

There Are No Easy Answers What Do We Know About Anger? What Do We “Know” That’s Not So?

Anger Myth #1: Anger Is a Behavior Anger Myth #2: You Should Be Afraid of Your Buried Anger Anger Myth #3: An Angry Person Is a Human Steam Kettle Anger Myth #4: Venting Is Good for Your Health Anger Myth #5: Anger Needs to Be Expressed Anger Myth #6: Tell Other People but Not the Person You’re Angry With

“Okay, Okay, Enough with the Myths: What Are the Facts About Anger?” Anger May Be Hazardous to Your Health “Why Do I Get So Angry?”

Chapter 18: Anger 102: What You Can Do About It

Take Good Care of Your Anger Accept It Work It Out Minimize Anger in Your Life Cope Before You Get Angry Respond Assertively When It’s Worth It to Express Your Anger When Someone Else Is Angry with You Thirteen Steps to Effective Conflict Resolution Add It Up: 33 + 8 + 13 = 4 — Keys for Coping with the Anger in Your Life

Chapter 19: Must We Put Up with Put-Downs?

Dealing with Criticism, Within and Without Direct Verbal Put-Downs: “You Fool!” Indirect Verbal Put-Downs: “Nice Work, for a Woman.” Nonverbal Put-Downs: Dirty Looks and Obscene Gestures Self Put-Downs: “I’m Such a Jerk.” Get Past It and Move On

Chapter 20: Assertiveness Works at Work Too

Assertiveness in the Workplace Job Search Interviewing

Before the Interview At the Interview After the Interview

Can the “New Kid on the Block” Be Assertive? On-the-Job Relationships Dealing with Supervisors Supervising Assertively Keeping Your Priorities Straight More On-the-Job Situations for Practice

Chapter 21: Dealing with Difficult People

What Do You Think? How to Deal with Bozos

1. Changing Your Cognitions, Attitudes, Thoughts: “It’s All in How You Look At It” 2. Dealing with Your Anxiety: “Dentist’s Chair Syndrome” or “If You’re Going to Get Drilled Anyway, You Might as Well Lie Back and Enjoy It” 3. Taking Direct Action: “Don’t Talk to Me Like That!” 4. Syntonics: “Tune In, Turn On, Talk Back” 5. Lifemanship: “What’s That on Your Cheek?” 6. Solutions: “No-Fault Insurance” 7. Withdrawal: “The Engagement Is Off!” 8. Humor: “And the World Laughs with You” 9. Knowing Your Audience: “Not in Front of the Children” 10. Requesting Clarification: “Say What?” 11. Changing the Scene: “Build a Level Playing Field”

The Situation Is Serious, but Not Hopeless

Part VI: Living an Assertive Life

Chapter 22: Deciding When to Be Assertive — or Not

“So How Do I Know When Action Is Called For?”

1. What Really Happened? 2. How Much Does It Matter to You? 3. What Is the Probability That You’ll Get What You Want? 4. Are You Looking for a Specific Outcome or Just to Express Yourself? 5. What Are Your Options? 6. Are You Looking for a Positive Outcome? 7. Do You Have Assertive Attitudes, Skills, and Intent? 8. Have You Counted to Ten? 9. Would It Be Better to Wait Until Tomorrow? 10. Will You Kick Yourself If You Don’t Take Action? 11. Have You Done Everything You Can to Remove or Reduce the Obstacles to Your Desired Outcome? 12. What Are the Probable Consequences and Realistic Risks of Your Possible Assertion? 13. Will Assertion Make Any Difference? Will It Change the Situation?

Chapter 23: When Assertiveness Doesn’t Work

It’s Only Failure If You Quit

Definition Inadequate Assessment Contraindications Canned Approaches Wrong Technique Skill Deficits Anxiety An Issue That May Require Intervention on a Number of Fronts

When You Are Wrong Avoiding Failures

Chapter 24: Helping Others Deal with the New Assertive You

How Does It Look from Outside? Be Aware of Your Impact on Others Potential Adverse Reactions Include a Friend in Your Learning Process

Chapter 25: Beyond Assertiveness

“It’s Too Late Now!” The Swing of the Pendulum Assertiveness and Holistic Health Assert Your Way to Health Assertiveness and Common Sense Membership in the Human Community Now What?

Appendix: Assertiveness Practice Situations

Family Situations

Sleepover Visiting Relative Past Midnight Holy Terror

Intimate Situations

Late for Dinner Balancing the Books Sagging Sex Beach Blanket Roulette Alcohol Amour

Consumer Situations

Haircut Hassle Shortchanged Lines, Lines, Lines Do Not Call

Employment Situations

Overtime Deniable Passion Below Par Cutting Critique Late Again

School and Community Situations

Hearing Aid Clarification Morals Know-It-All

Social Situations

Breaking the Ice Making a Date

Summary

Online Resources

Online Psychology and Self-Help Resources Online Resources Mentioned in the Text

References and Further Reading Index

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