Now Say This, The Right Words to Solve Every Parenting Dilemma by MFT, Heather Turgeon -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Praise for Now Say This Title Page Copyright Contents Introduction

Your Child Is Capable Why “Now Say This . . .”? How to Use This Book

CHAPTER ONE: Three Steps for Communicating in Difficult Moments

The Win-Win of Good Parenting Three Premises of ALP BABY SKILLS Looking at Our Knee-Jerk Reactions What Our Everyday Words Communicate DO KIDS LEARN THROUGH REWARDS AND PUNISHMENTS? The Three Steps of ALP Communication: Attune, Limit Set, Problem Solve SAFETY FIRST Step 1: Attune WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A CHILD IS “ACTING OUT”? ATTUNE: LET YOUR CHILD KNOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND BUT I’M IN A BUSY GROCERY STORE! WORDS ARE ONLY ONE WAY TO COMMUNICATE PAUSING TO BE CURIOUS LABELING AND COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR KIDS Step 2: Limit Set INSTEAD OF “NO” Step 3: Problem Solve Calm Down instead of Time-Out Repair and Circle Back

CHAPTER TWO: Proactive Tools

Tools for the Family REPAIR WITH KIDS AFTER YOUR FIGHTS Tools for Kids BAG OF TRICKS FILLING UP ON YOU FROM HEATHER: BUTTERFLY FRUSTRATIONS FROM JULIE FROM HEATHER Tools for Adults EXAMPLE: MOM ATTUNES TO HERSELF TO GET THROUGH A HARD MOMENT

CHAPTER THREE: Difficult Feelings and Tantrums

Why Tantrums Happen: Little People, Big Feelings SLEEPY KIDS, FRAGILE EMOTIONS MY CHILD IS EASY AND WELL BEHAVED AT SCHOOL BUT AN EMOTIONAL MESS AT HOME Parents’ Knee-Jerk Reactions “I HATE YOU!” ALP for Difficult Feelings Attune FROM JULIE: “MOMMY, I FEEL LIKE HITTING YOU RIGHT NOW!” AND OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS WHEN KIDS DON’T WANT TO TALK Limit Set ATTITUDE AND EYE ROLLING Problem Solve FROM JULIE: SMILING FROM THE AUDIENCE, JUST BETWEEN US! FROM HEATHER: THE GOOD OLD THROW-THEM-ON-THE-BED TECHNIQUE EXAMPLE:WHEN IT WORKS FOR ONE CHILD BUT NOT THE OTHER Repair and Circle Back Scripts and Conversations FROM HEATHER: EXPLORING FEELINGS WITHOUT SOLVING OR TEACHING

CHAPTER FOUR: Hitting, Pushing, Biting, and Other Physical Behaviors

Why Do Little Kids Hit? HOW TO KNOW WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP Parents’ Knee-Jerk Reactions ALP for Hitting and Other Physical Behaviors Safety Step Attune FROM JULIE Limit Set Problem Solve “BUT I DIDN’T DO IT!” GENTLE TOUCH WITH BABIES WORKS! Scripts and Conversations

CHAPTER FIVE: Listening, Following Directions, and Engaging Cooperation

Parents’ Knee-Jerk Reactions Prepare Attune FROM HEATHER Limit Set NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY? BUY YOURSELF SOME TIME. Problem Solve FROM HEATHER: GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE Scripts and Conversations

CHAPTER SIX: Sibling Relationships

Sibling Conflicts Turned Opportunities What Causes Sibling Conflict and Rivalry? Enjoying Each Other versus Fighting— What’s the Ratio? ALP in Sibling Conflicts Safety Step Attune “CUT IT OUT!” FROM HEATHER WELCOMING DIFFERENCES; APPRECIATING DIVERSITY Limit Set Problem Solve FROM HEATHER: THE DOLLHOUSE FORTRESS Scripts and Conversations

CHAPTER SEVEN: Screen Time

READING FOR PLEASURE DECLINES WITH AGE Screens, Family Relationships, and Health SCREENS AND BMI Attune ARE YOU THE ONE ON A DEVICE? Limit Set GOOD TO STEER CLEAR OF . . . NARRATE WHAT YOU’RE DOING ON YOUR DEVICE Problem Solve Scripts and Conversations

CHAPTER EIGHT: Bedtime and Sleep

Connected, Capable, and Cozy FROM HEATHER: THE BACKRUB CHAIN Scripts and Conversations

Acknowledgments Notes Index About the Authors