Contents

Other Books by This Author

Learning the Rules

The Bad, The Badder, and The Ugly

Soap Opera Villain

A Tupperware Box Full of Fresh-Sucked Pills

A Swallowed But

The Dreamiest Arms in People Magazine

Angry Red Mouth Print

Boats in Bottles

That Makes Quite a Stink

Russian Roulette Truth

About Busted Up My Poor Boy’s Head

The Mystery of the Snitch in the Night

Will Hayes Go to China?

A Red Shirt and a Polka-Dot Dress

A Half-Collapsed Barn Covered in Kudzu Vines

Heckle and Jeckle

Baby’s Got a New Pair of Shoes

You Did What, Now?

Should I Really Let Logan Loy Spend the Night?

3:46 to 3:47 AM

Princess Lynn Marie

The Dangers of Girl Warming

The First Real Lie

Officially AWOL

I’ve Been Thinking

The Emperor’s New Clothes

A Fistful of Trojans

Some Nightmares Smell Like Burning Plastic

Dirty Wild Indian

Darling, Mind If I Step Inside?

A Misdiagnosed Stomach Bug

You Clean Up Nice

But It’s Really More Like a Dozen

And Then the Awful Quiet

Good Cop, Bad M.P.

The 175-Pound Three-Year-Old

He Ain’t What I Expected

A Stink Even Febreze Can’t Fix

It Ain’t a Tea Party

Bright and Blank and Terrible

Shoelaces and Duct Tape

Those Dogs Looked Like They Were Fixing to Eat Us

You All Got Anything Cold to Drink?

The World in Ashtray Colors

The Time for Fucking Around Is Done

Shadow Puppet Show

I Forgave the Rest

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

Acknowledgments