Chapter 1—Growing in the Lord
1. What is your most common excuse or rationale for not having time for spiritual growth, and how does it hold up to the truth of Matthew 6:33?
2. How do you think the three verses in Psalm 119:9-11 could help a husband with temptation, and what truths does 1 Corinthians 10:12-13 add for promoting purity?
3. Read both Ephesians 4:13-14 and Hebrews 5:12-14. Then jot down two ways you can grow in wisdom and discernment.
4. What impressed you most about Joshua, and which one area of the four areas of greatness in his life will you pursue?
5. Because growing in the Lord really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week to promote your growth in the Lord?
Chapter 2—Working as a Team
1. Read 1 Corinthians 13:11 and apply it to the concept of a “team” in marriage. Can you point to any “childish things” you need to put away?
2. Read Genesis 3:1-6. For whatever reason, Eve “did battle” with the enemy without her husband’s help. In what ways are you available for your wife’s spiritual needs? Are there any ways that you are not available and should be?
3. Read again the questions under the section “Back to the Basics.” Which questions do you need to revisit and work on to make yours a more “perfect” marriage?
4. Because working as a team really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week to bring you two closer together as a team?
Chapter 3—Learning to Communicate
1. In your Bible, look up the verses below. Then evaluate your communication skills and the qualities mentioned in each verse, based on a scale of…
doing well or
needs improvement or
not good at all
Swift in your listening—Proverbs 18:2
Prudent in your words—Proverbs 10:19
Edifying with your approach—Ephesians 4:29
Empathetic in your voice—Proverbs 15:1
Calming every issue—Proverbs 16:21
Honoring the truth with your words—Ephesians 4:25
2. Now what one major step will you take to begin improving your communication with your wife?
3. Glance again at the hindrances to good communication. Which one is your biggest problem? Can you think of any solutions or ways to “turn a corner”? Jot them down.
4. Because learning to communicate really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” will you do this week to more effectively communicate with your wife?
Chapter 4—Enjoying Intimacy
1. If you have a dictionary handy, look up the word intimacy. What strikes you most as you think about this word in connection with your relationship with your wife?
2. One of the most important verses in the Bible for a husband is 1 Peter 3:7. Look at it in your Bible. In what ways is a wife “weaker” than her husband? In what ways, then, can or must a husband be strong for his wife? Or, put another way, how can you come alongside your wife and help?
3. As you think about sexual intimacy with your wife, what information do these scriptures provide?
Genesis 2:25
1 Corinthians 7:1-5
Hebrews 13:4
4. When it comes to your conduct toward women other than your wife, what instruction do these scriptures give you?
Job 31:1
Proverbs 5:15-19
Malachi 2:15
Matthew 5:27-28
What steps can a husband take to follow these instructions from God?
5. Because enjoying intimacy really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week to enhance intimacy with your wife?
Chapter 5—Managing Your Money
1. Do you agree or disagree with Dr. Graham’s statement about a person’s attitude about money? Why or why not?
2. As an eye-opener, look at your checkbook and credit card statements for last month. What do they reveal about your interests, hobbies, spending habits, and giving practices?
3. Read 2 Corinthians 8:1-4 in your Bible. As you consider the three ways you are to approach giving to your church and other Christian concerns—appropriate, sacrificial, and voluntary—in which areas do you excel and/or fall short? Are there any changes you need to make?
4. Glance again at the section entitled “Money Matters in Marriage.” How do you think the three “wrong” attitudes toward money—covetousness, idolatry, and worldliness—can create tension and conflict in a marriage?
5. Which one of the activities from the letters of L-E-A-D-E-R can you attempt this week?
6. Because managing your money really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week to better manage your money?
Chapter 6—Keeping Up the Home
1. Do you agree or disagree that your home is a reflection of your religion? Why or why not? What do you think others are seeing of your “religion” when they look at your home?
2. Review these verses and “perspectives” in your Bible.
Wisdom—Proverbs 24:3-4
Godliness—Proverbs 15:6
Leadership—1 Timothy 3:5
Care—Proverbs 24:30-31
Which areas need more of your attention, and why?
3. Scan through the “Problems…and Solutions” presented in this chapter. Which category of husband do you most closely resemble? What can you do to turn things around and be more committed to keeping up your home?
4. Because keeping up the home really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week on your house?
Chapter 7—Raising Your Children
1. After thinking about the opening story and the principles of “Parenting 101,” evaluate your relationship to your children in the areas that follow. Where are you strongest, and where are you weakest? Note one improvement you can make in each area.
Instruction
Showing love for God
Consistent Christian environment
Time
Discipline
Example
2. Time—there never seems to be enough of it! What advice does Ephesians 5:15-17 give you about your approach to time?
How does this wisdom regarding “time” relate to raising your children?
How does this wisdom regarding your “walk” relate to raising your children?
3. Because raising your children really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week for or with your children?
Chapter 8—Extending Love to Family
1. What does Exodus 20:12 instruct you to do?
And what is the promise for obeying this commandment, according to Ephesians 6:2-3?
2. In your Bible, scan through Exodus 4:18 and 18:1-27, which tell the story of Moses and Jethro. Then answer these questions:
How do I show humility to my parents and in-laws?
What have I done recently to honor my parents and in-laws?
How often do I communicate with my parents and in-laws?
Would I consider my parents and in-laws to be my friends? Why or why not?
Do I ask for advice and do I listen to my parents and in-laws? Why or why not?
3. Which hindrances have you been guilty of using as excuses in your relationship with your parents and in-laws, and what steps can you take to overcome these barriers?
Distance
Absence
Selfishness
Manipulation
4. Because extending love to family really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week to improve your relationship with your extended family?
Chapter 9—Tending Your Career
1. In what ways do you identify with “Joe” in his initial attitude about his job?
2. Now look in your Bible at the teachings that changed Joe’s attitude toward his job. What insight does each of these truths give you about your job?
Colossians 3:23
Ephesians 6:5-7
1 Corinthians 10:31
3. Under the section “Doing God’s Will,” which element listed below is presently the most helpful in shaping your attitude about your job? And which of these elements do you need to give a more prominent position in your thinking and in your performance on the job?
Perceiving God’s will
Providing for your family
Proving to be a servant
Proclaiming your faith
Pursuing your career
4. How would you rate your level of contentment in relation to your job? What might be some of the reasons for your dissatisfaction? Do you lack purpose, understanding, or obedience? How will you remedy this?
5. Did you follow through and answer the questions dealing with balance in your life? If not, do so now. If you did, what one major change can you make so you reap more abundant blessings from your work?
6. Because tending your career really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week about your career?
Chapter 10—Making Time for Fun
1. Describe the last time you and your wife went out together, just the two of you. What made it fun?
2. Your relationship with God and your position in Christ should bring great joy to you, joy that can be shared with your wife. What sources of joy are available to you, according to these passages?
Nehemiah 8:10
3. How does the Bible say your joy—or lack of it—affects others, according to…
…Proverbs 15:13?
…Proverbs 15:15?
…Proverbs 17:22?
4. Briefly look again at “What Happened to the Fun?” Which one of the “cares” listed there has contributed the most to robbing joy from your marriage? Can you think of one change you can make immediately?
5. Have you asked others, including your wife, for suggestions of fun things to do as a couple? If you have, list several. If not, do so this week.
6. Because making time for fun really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week to add a little fun to your marriage?
Chapter 11—Serving the Lord
1. Do you know a couple who faithfully and wholeheartedly serve the Lord? Take a minute to jot down what you appreciate about their commitment to serving the Lord. Also note a few of the things they do in their service to others.
2. Read Ephesians 2:10 in your Bible. What does this verse say about your service to the Lord? And how does—or should—this affect your attitude toward your service to God’s people?
3. Now read Joshua 24:15. How does Joshua’s heart for serving God serve as an example for you and your house and your commitment to serve the Lord? Are there any changes you must make? Note them.
4. If you are already actively serving God’s people, what advice would you give a man who asks you, “How can I begin to serve?” Or, if you are the man who’s asking, “How can I begin to serve?” what did you learn in this chapter about some first steps you can take?
5. What did you admire most about Aquila and Priscilla, and how can you and your wife begin to emulate this noble couple who faithfully served the Lord and His people?
6. List the three responses husbands are most likely to make when it comes to service in the church. Then circle the one you consider yourself to be at this time…and the one you desire to be. How can you begin to serve with all your heart?
7. Because serving the Lord really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week?
Chapter 12—Reaching Out to Others
1. Describe how others reached out to you with the saving message of Jesus Christ before you became a Christian. While you’re at it, offer a prayer of thanksgiving to God for sending those wonderful people into your life. And if you want to go a step further, write each one of them a note of gratitude.
2. Look at Acts 1:8 in your Bible. What people do you consider to be your…
…Jerusalem?
…Judea?
…Samaria?
…ends of the earth?
Place these people’s names on a 3” x 5” card and ask God to begin guiding you in ways to reach out to them.
3. There’s nothing quite like being prepared. So here’s an assignment for this next week: On a sheet of paper, write out your answers to the three parts of your testimony (see the section entitled “Reaching Out on the Job” on pages 209-210). Begin asking God for opportunities to share your testimony with others.
4. Under the section entitled “Reaching Out to the World,” select one project you and your family can participate in. What will that project be? And what first step can you take on the selected project this week?
5. Because reaching out to others really matters in your marriage, what one “little thing” can you do this week to reach out?
Chapter 13—Seasons of a Marriage
1. Looking back over the 12 things that really matter—which ones have made the greatest contribution to the life and vitality of your marriage so far? Give a brief explanation.
2. Think about your wedding day and describe briefly who you were as a person, your level of maturity, your spiritual state, and your educational level.
Looking at your life today, what has changed?
Have these changes been positive, negative, or both for your marriage? Explain.
Set aside a time with your wife and discuss these changes, and ask what further changes could improve your relationship with her today.
3. Based on the seasons described, which season is your marriage in today?
Which of the 12 things do you believe are your areas of strength while in this season? Briefly explain your answer(s).
Which of the 12 things might you have neglected during this season?
What immediate steps can you take today to start growing stronger in these areas?
What two or three long-term goals can you set for growing stronger in these areas?