Contents

Author’s Note

Prologue: ‘Always wanted never to have anything known about me’

PART I   BERLIN, LONDON AND DEVON 1922–39

1 ‘I love German poetry but I loathe the German language’

2 ‘Very much a slightly artistic place’

3 ‘My mother started worshipping it so I smashed it’

4 ‘To cut a terrific dash’

PART II   THE PHONEY WAR AND THE REAL WAR 1939–45

5 ‘A private language’

6 ‘Born naughty’

7 ‘I used to always put secrets in. I still do’

8 ‘Slightly notorious’

9 ‘Slight Dreigroschenoper

10 ‘A question of focus’

11 ‘Living in a dump and going out to somewhere palatial’

PART III   FRANCE, GREECE, FIRST MARRIAGE 1945–9

12 ‘French malevolence’

13 ‘The world of Ovid’

14 ‘Free spirits like me’

15 ‘Me with horns’

16 ‘Fed sweets by nuns on the coach to Galway’

PART IV   FIRST RECOGNITION 1949–58

17 ‘My large room in Paddington!’

18 ‘My night’s entertainment’

19 ‘Being able to see under the carpet’

20 ‘True to me’

21 ‘Lady Dashwood, sorry to have kicked you’

22 ‘A marvellous chase feeling’

23 ‘My ardour in the long pursuit’

24 ‘Idyllic, in a slightly maddening way’

25 ‘Mad on heat and running round, pissing all the time’

PART V   AT THE MARLBOROUGH 1958–68

26 ‘Do you think I’m made of wood?’

27 ‘Brilliant ones fizzled’

28 ‘Actually it’s all I can do’

29 ‘People being monogamous seems to me an extraordinary and imaginative situation’

30 ‘He was rather nice and repulsive’

31 ‘Awfully uneasy’

32 ‘The absolute cheek of making art’

33 ‘I can’t be pressed really’

34 ‘If work permits’

Notes

Bibliography

Acknowledgements

Picture credits

Index

A Note on the Author

Plates Section