Table of Contents
GETTING THE MOST FROM THIS BOOK
PART 1: Understanding the Risks on the Road to Lasting Love
1 Five Keys for a Great Relationship: PREP in a Nutshell
2 Destructive Patterns: Signs of Danger Ahead
WHAT THE FOLKS IN WHITE LAB COATS SEE
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN CONFLICTS ARISE BETWEEN YOU?
ESCALATION: WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND
INVALIDATION: PAINFUL PUT-DOWNS
NEGATIVE INTERPRETATIONS: WHEN PERCEPTION IS WORSE THAN REALITY
WITHDRAWAL AND AVOIDANCE: HIDE AND SEEK
HOW YOU START TALKING MAY DETERMINE HOW YOUR TALKING WILL GO
3 Changing Roles, Changing Rules: Men and Women in Conflict
WHEN ONE WANTS TO TALK AND THE OTHER DOESN’T
NEGATIVE INTERPRETATIONS, ROUND TWO
PART 2: Teaming Up to Handle Conflict
4 When What You Heard Isn’t What I Said: Understanding Filters in Communication
FILTER AWARENESS: YOU HAVE THE POWER
5 Talking Safely Without Fighting: The Speaker Listener Technique
STRUCTURE CAN BRING EMOTIONAL SAFETY
THE SPEAKER LISTENER TECHNIQUE
6 Controlling the Home Fires: Handling Issues and Events Well
HIDDEN ISSUES: THE DEEPER THEMES
7 New Perspectives on Problems and Problem Solving
A DETAILED EXAMPLE: BJORN AND FRANCES
8 Keeping Conflict Under Control: Ground Rules for a Great Relationship
SELF-REGULATION (A FANCY WAY OF SAYING “STAYING IN CONTROL”)
9 Safe Harbor: Preserving and Protecting Friendship
PROTECTING FRIENDSHIP IN YOUR MARRIAGE
10 Being There: Supporting One Another in Life
11 Playing Together: How to Succeed in Fun Without Really Trying
12 Sense and Sensuality: Enhancing and Protecting Your Sex Life
WHAT DO LOVE AND PASSION HAVE TO DO WITH IT?
PROTECTING PHYSICAL INTIMACY FROM ANXIETY
WHEN YOU’RE JUST NOT INTERESTED (IN SEX)
PRIMARY PLEASURES: MAKING YOUR SENSUAL RELATIONSHIP A PRIORITY
13 Sacred Places: Core Beliefs and Spiritual Intimacy
RESEARCH ON RELIGIOUS INVOLVEMENT
WHAT DO SUCH FINDINGS MEAN FOR ALL COUPLES?
WHEN YOUR VIEWS ARE NOT YOUR PARTNER’S VIEWS
14 Why You Can’t Always Get What You Want: Unraveling the Mysteries of Expectations
HOW EXPECTATIONS AFFECT RELATIONSHIPS
HEALTHY GRIEVING: THE DEEPEST ACCEPTANCE
15 Forgiveness: Restoring Hope
TWO PERSPECTIVES ON FORGIVENESS
THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS IN THE FLOW OF LIFE
STEPS TO FORGIVENESS AND RESTORATION
16 Sticking, Stuck, or Stopped: On the Path to Commitment
THE POWER OF DEDICATION: CHOICES, COUPLE IDENTITY, SACRIFICE, AND THE LONG-TERM VIEW
IF YOU ARE FEELING STUCK AND WANT TO STICK AGAIN