contents

Title Page

Copyright Notice

Dedication

1. A Constant State of Huh?

2. And the Award for The Cutest Blank Stare Goes to …

3. I’m Cheering for Pizza

4. How About the 5th of Never?

5. Roger That, Over and Out

6. Pennies in a Pint Glass, Actually

7. Merci Beaucoup, Cookie Monster

8. Just Because You Can Wear Them Doesn’t Mean You Should

9. Gorgeous & Alone Seeking: No One. She Wants To Be Alone.

10. You Can’t Just Go Around Googling Everyone

11. This Is Not a Riddle

12. Three Words: High Fashion Lingerie

13. Your Enthusiasm Is Showing

14. We’ll Always Have Paris

15. Beer Pong? Beer Pong.

16. Monsieur, S’il Vous Plaît

17. Eleven Sewing Machines Sewing

18. Super Awkward, or Just, Like, Normal Awkward?

19. Do You Like Me? Circle Yes or No.

20. That Hoodie Life

21. The Many Talents of Wesley H.

22. It’s Called Science, Duh

23. Sometimes I Just Like to Smile at My Notebook, NBD

24. It’s How I Know You’re … Uh … Awesome

25. That’s What We Call a Win-Win-Win-Win Situation

26. Who Are You and What Have You Done with Hudson?

27. A Kiss, to Kiss, We Are Kissing

28. A Picture Says a Thousand Uh-Ohs

29. This Misery Does Not Love Your Company, FYI

30. It Matters How This Ends

31. D Stands for Done

32. Angel Wings

33. And the Stars Look Very Different Today

Acknowledgments

About the Author

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