CONTENTS

Cover

About the Book

About the Author

Praise

Title Page

Epigraphs

Introduction

  If You’re Welcoming a New Baby

  If Your Children Are Constantly Fighting

PART ONE: CALM PARENTING 101

  1. How You Can Be a Calm Parent

  The Parenting Skills That Help You Become Calmer as a Parent

  2. How Calm Discipline Supports the Sibling Relationship

  Why Punishment and Permissiveness Cause More Sibling Fighting

  Rethinking Discipline

  Setting Empathic Limits

  Rethinking Time-outs

  Rethinking Rewards

  The Difference Between Consequences and Limits

  What If Empathy Doesn’t Work?

  Preventive Maintenance

  When Your Child Is Acting Out: Time-in

  Helping Kids with Big Emotions: Scheduled Meltdowns

  How to Help Each Child with Big Emotions When You Have More Than One Upset Child

  3. What Causes Sibling Rivalry – And How Parents Can Make It Better

  Your Child’s Point of View: That’s Not a Friend, It’s a Replacement

  Factors That Can Exacerbate Rivalry

  The Power of Parents to Foster a Super Sibling Relationship

PART TWO: TEACHING CALM

  4. Coaching Kids to Communicate Feelings and Problem-solve

  Coaching Essential Emotional Intelligence Skills

  Your New Role: Interpreter

  Coaching Kids to Identify and Communicate Their Needs and Feelings

  Coaching Kids to Set Limits with Each Other

  Coaching Kids to Listen to Each Other

  Coaching Kids to Problem-solve

  Basic Negotiation Tools to Teach Kids

  5. When Problem-solving Fails: Teaching Conflict Resolution

  What About ‘We Get Along’ Shirts?

  Why Fighting Is Essential to Teach Children Relationship Skills

  How to Help Children Learn to Work It Out Themselves

  Empowering Kids to Stand Up to Teasing

  Mean Words

  When Your Child Says He Hates His Sibling

  Intervening in a Sibling Fight: The Basics

  Should You Punish Your Child for Aggression?

  When Your Toddler Is the Aggressor Against Your Older Child

  Coaching Kids to Handle Aggression from Younger Siblings

  How to Stop Repeated Aggression

  Teaching Skills: Intervening in a Sibling Fight

  Helping Kids Make Repairs After a Fight, Instead of Forced Apologies

  6. Why Can’t They Just Share? Why Kids Fight Over Possessions

  Rethinking Sharing: A Radical Solution

  Self-regulated Turns: What Children Learn

  Coaching Kids as They Wait for Their Turn

  7. Easing the Competition

  ‘It’s Not Fair!’

  Never Compare

  Resist Labelling

  How to Celebrate Each Child Without Fuelling Competition

  Who Gets to Push the Lift Button?

  How to Ensure You Don’t Unwittingly Foster Competition

  Helping Kids with Competitive Feelings

  Birth Order and Competition

  What If You Prefer One Child?

  8. Tools to Prevent Rivalry and Nurture Bonding

  Expect Your Children to Value Each Other

  Family Routines That Foster Sibling Bonding

  Family Rules and Mottos That Support Sibling Closeness

  How to Create More Positive Interactions Between Your Children

  Strategies to Create a Sibling Team

  Shifting Alliances: How to Keep Kids from Ganging Up on Each Other

  Why Rough and Tumble Reduces Sibling Rivalry

  Why Not Tickling?

  When Kids Share a Room

  When One Child Has a Friend Over

  Family Meetings: The Resource You’ll Be So Glad You Discovered

PART THREE: BEFORE THE NEW BABY AND THROUGH THE FIRST YEAR

  9. Before the Baby Arrives: Creating a Warm Welcome

  Telling Your Child About the New Sibling

  Twelve Ways to Help Your Kids Begin Bonding During Your Pregnancy

  Be Sure Your Child Can Rely on Both Parents

  Ten Tips to Support Your Child Emotionally as He Moves Towards Becoming a Big Sibling

  Weaning Versus Tandem Nursing

  Preparing Your Child for the Separation During the Upcoming Birth

  If You’re Planning to Have Your Child at the Birth

  Creating a Transition Book for Your Child

  Making an Activity Box for Your Child

  Work Through Your Own Emotions About Having a Second Child

  Loving Each Child Best

10. Getting Off to a Good Start: Birth and the First Few Months

  Introducing Your Child to the New Baby

  The First Week: Settling In as a Family

  How to Keep Your Child Occupied While You Feed the Baby

  Helping Your Child with Her Mixed Emotions About the Baby

  What About Those Overzealous Hugs?

  Regression: When Your Child Goes Backwards

  Managing Naptime and Bedtime with More Than One Child

  The Early Months: The New Normal

  When Your Child Has a Hard Time Adjusting

  Daily Practices to Stay Connected to Your Child Now That He Has to Share You

  Using Games to Help Your Child with Jealousy

  Reading Books to Your Child About Becoming a Big Sib

  Nine Tips to Foster a Great Relationship Between Your Children Right from the Start

11. Building a Positive Foundation When the Baby Begins to Crawl

  Ten Tips to Maintain a Peaceful Home as Baby Moves Towards Toddlerhood

  Dividing Your Time

  How to Help Your Older Child Solve His Problems with the Little One

  What to Say When Your Child Is Jealous of the Baby

  What to Do About Toy Grabbing

  When Your Child Is Aggressive Towards the Baby

  What If the Aggressor Is Too Young to Understand?

  What If It’s the Baby Who’s Aggressive?

  Games to Help Your Children Bond with the Baby

  Final Note: Choose Love

  Notes

  Index

  Acknowledgements

  Copyright