* Or the Judith Light? I don’t actually know which one of them was the boss.
* First appearing on American television in The Alvin Show in 1961, these lovable singing rodents gained popularity through their 1983–1990 cartoon Alvin and the Chipmunks, as well as subsequent globally released live-action films with sequels still being produced as of this writing. Quite the franchise.
* My phone got stolen once, but then it got returned, which, if that’s not karma for having my shit together most of the damn time, I don’t know what is.
* It’s no eight-year, double-blind, longitudinal study—as my editor was quick to point out—but it has provided valuable insight into people’s common problems, aspirations, and complaints, plus a soupçon of unintentional comedy.
* Thanks in advance for keeping my spirits up. Much appreciated!
* Pun absolutely intended.
* Those of you caught up on season six of Game of Thrones will get that reference. Those who aren’t, I don’t want you complaining that I spoiled it for you, so I left it vague. Those who don’t even watch Game of Thrones, just trust in the metaphor, okay, guys?
* I hate Slack, the communication tool meant to “revolutionize email,” with every fiber of my being. If you don’t know what it is, consider yourself lucky.
* Unroll.Me is the shit.
* “too long; didn’t read”
* Dear Former Colleague: Hi, I know I need to send shorter, more concise emails—I’m working on it. But I also get real uppity when people who can’t seem to do their jobs tell me it’s because they “get too much email.” We all need to take responsibility here, so maybe dial back on the Project Runway recaps with your BF and your inbox would get a little more manageable.(And yes, that was directed at a very specific person. I’m not too proud to say I hold grudges like Lennie Small holds rabbits.)
* If you don’t know what the Human Centipede is, I would not recommend looking it up. It’s not a life you want to live.
* This skill reverberates into every single area of your life: No longer will you miss the appetizers, the last bus, or the first fifteen minutes of a movie because you just didn’t give yourself enough time to get there.
* At Amazon, there are currently 73,257 results for books on “money management.”
* I’m using Mom as a generic term for the person who raised you. If you were reared by a single dad, an older sibling, a grandparent, or a sentient raccoon, by all means, substitute accordingly.
* This one: www.lifechangingmagicofnotgaf.com.
* Actual text of a recent message: “How do I stop giving a fuck about the stupid things my husband does?!”
* Someday, MacArthur Foundation. Someday.
* I made that up—but it sounds believable, doesn’t it?
* And BTW, if keeping your house clean involves picking up toys, you can assign your child assistants the task of doing that for themselves, saving yourself twenty minutes and five deep-knee bends. Delegating-as-teachable-moment!
* I used this online calculator, which accounts for a 7 percent return and a 25 percent tax rate: www.bankrate.com/calculators/retirement/traditional-ira-plan-calculator.aspx.
* The calculator only lets me use round numbers; you’d actually be contributing five cents more per year ($1,303.05 instead of the $1,303.00 I entered), therefore earning EVEN MORE MONEY than this chart shows.
* I can’t pronounce their names either, but they were mythical sea monsters that flanked the one safe path through the Strait of Messina in Homer’s Odyssey. Just focus on the sea monster imagery and you’ll be fine.
* My parents were not hard on me as a kid. I was hard enough on myself for all of us, trust me.
* I imagine that if you bought a book with the word shit in the title, you were already prepared to do this, but I’m sure my publisher would prefer that all of our asses remain suitably covered. Thank you.
* They tell you to do it longhand, which is the part that scientifically helps reduce anxiety. But that also means you can’t accidentally send your furious jottings to anyone. It’s easy to activate Gmail in a fit of pique. It’s not easy to send anything via USPS, let alone do it accidentally.
* This is in no way directed at my mother, who has made a very successful career of “not meddling in my life.”
* As far as I know this isn’t a real thing, but it might be, after some enterprising producer reads this book.
* That’s IKEA for “clutter.”
* Now I’m picturing a boardroom full of chipmunks, which is really cute.
* Name has been changed to protect not-Pam.