CONTENTS

Foreword

Introduction

1 Bad Lies

How to Retrieve a Ball Lost in the Washer

How to Tee Off in Front of a Crowd

How to Retrieve a Ball Stuck in a Tree

How to Retrieve a Ball from a Gopher Hole

How to Scale a Fence to Retrieve a Ball

How to Play Out of a Water Trap

How to Play Out of High Saw Grass

How to Carom the Ball Off a Wall

How to Thwart a Cheat

The Lost Ball Routine

Improving a Lie

Reporting Fewer Strokes

Playing Dumb

Fake Handicap

How to Stop Thinking about a Horrible Shot

2 Equipment Disasters

How to Stop a Runaway Cart

If You Are in the Cart

If You Are Not in the Cart

How to Get a Cart Out of a Sand Trap

How to Start a Dead Cart

Starting Dead Gas Carts

How to Putt with a Driver

How to Drive with a Putter

How to Keep Score without a Pencil

How to Get a Club Out of a Tree

How to Survive If You Run Out of Tees

3 Dangerous Animals

How to Deal with an Alligator Near Your Ball

How to Deal with a Snake Near Your Ball

How to Spot a Rabid Animal

How to Remove a Tick

How to Recognize Lyme Disease

How to Survive a Bird Attack

How to Survive If You Hit a Beehive

If You Are Stung

How to Avoid Being Stung

How to Disarm an Irate Golfer

How to Control Your Golf Rage

4 Golfing Emergencies

How to Prevent a Club from Flying Out of Your Hands

How to Avoid Getting Hit by a Ball

How to Survive Being Hit in the Goolies

How to Carry an Injured Golfer

If Alone

If Accompanied by Another Person

How to Treat a Sprained Ankle

How to Treat a Blister

How to Treat Poison Ivy, Poison Oak, and Poison Sumac

How to Treat Sunburn

How to Treat Heatstroke

How to Avoid Dehydration

How to Avoid Lightning

How to Survive a Tornado

How to Put Out a Cigar Brush Fire

How to Avoid Starting a Fire

How to Cure a Golf Addiction

Appendix

Rules and Regulations

Too Many ClubsBall Hits Bird or Bird Catches BallBall Lands in or near a Bird’s NestUsing the Wrong ClubUsing an Illegal Club or EquipmentFallen Hat Moves BallOpponent Moves His BallBall Lands in ManureUsing Putter Like a Pool CueAnimal Steals Your BallBall Lands on the Wrong GreenBall Leaning against Flag Stick

Fashion Emergencies

Split SeamBroken ShoelacesSunglasses That Won’t Stay OnLost Glasses

Gambler’s Guide

Game BetsSide Bets

Glossary

The Experts

Acknowledgments

About the Authors