There are so many Happiest Toddler parenting tips and skills, I’ve included this short glossary to help you remember the ones you’ll be using the most:

Avoid problem situations

Prevent tantrums by avoiding common tantrum triggers, such as fatigue, hunger, caffeine, boredom, aggressive or violent videos, TV, etc.
(Avoid problem situations).

Bedtime sweet talk

A nightly routine that reminds your child of the many good things she did that day and previews some of the fun things she can look forward to the next day (Bedtime sweet talk).

Catch others being good

Point out to your child other children and adults who are demonstrating the actions and attitudes you want to encourage in her.
Catch others being good

Clap-growl

Several loud claps followed by a low growl is both a warning signal and a mild consequence that all cave-kids understand.
Clap-growl

Confidence builders

Little self-esteem boosters that make your toddler feel like a winner (such as asking your child’s opinion and playing the boob).
Confidence builders

Connect with respect

This is talking to your upset child using the Fast-Food Rule spoken in your very best Toddler-ese.
Connect with respect

Double take

After you get your toddler’s attention with a clap-growl, put up a finger and turn your face away for a moment. This shows that you’re the boss and helps avoid getting into staring matches.
Double take

Fairy tales

Like the age-old tradition of teaching values through story-telling, these are little stories that you make up to illustrate a specific lesson you want your child to learn.
Fairy tales

Fast-Food Rule

Before telling an upset person your point of view, first repeat back how he’s feeling … in a way that touches the sweet spot of his emotions.
Fast-Food Rule

Feed the meter

Giving your tot many bits of fun and attention all day long is an almost instantaneous way to boost her good behavior.
Feed the meter

Give a fine

Removing a valued privilege or possession is a way to punish unacceptable behaviors.
Give a fine

Give in fantasy

When you can’t or won’t give your child something she wants, tell her how you wish you could give it to her … and much, much more.
Give in fantasy

Gossip

Supersize the impact of your praise (or criticism) by letting your child overhear you whispering it to someone else, like Daddy, a bird on the lawn, or his favorite teddy bear.
Gossip

Green-light behavior

Good things your child says and does that you want to praise and encourage.
Green-light behavior

Hand check

Little pen marks you put on the back of your child’s hand when she does good deeds. They’re a terrific way to make her feel good about herself all day long.
Hand check

Kind ignoring

Discourage annoying yellow-light behaviors (like whining and dawdling) by briefly turning your back to deprive your tot of your attention.
Kind ignoring

Lovey

A cuddly “companion”—like a silky blanket or stuffed animal—that your toddler can snuggle with for comfort and reassurance.
Lovey

Magic breathing

Deep breathing helps toddlers to develop self-control and reduce stress.
Magic breathing

Mild consequences

Small consequences (clap-growl, kind ignoring) used to curb annoying yellow-light behaviors.
Mild consequences

Patience-stretching

An instantly effective way to help even young toddlers learn how to control their impulses and wait patiently.
Patience-stretching

Plant seeds of kindness

Encourage the development of your tot’s character through the “side door” of his mind by mentioning the values you want to see rather than telling your child what to do.
Plant seeds of kindness

Play the boob

A confidence builder. This all-time favorite parenting trick makes your tot feel strong and smart by making you seem a little silly, slow, and klutzy.
Play the boob

Praise

Let your child know you like what she’s doing by giving her a balanced diet of praise. Throughout the day, mix a bit of “applause” with a bunch of compliments and a whole lot of gentle, smiling approval.
Praise

Put bad behavior “on hold”

A way to use patience-stretching to sidestep your child’s whining and demands and teach him to be more reasonable.
Put bad behavior “on hold”

Red-light behavior

Things your child says or does that are dangerous or aggressive or that violate important family rules and that you need to stop … immediately.
Red-light behavior

Reverse psychology

A clever way to get your child to do something by ordering him not to do it.
Reverse psychology

Role-playing

A playful way to give your child the opportunity to practice behaviors you want to encourage.
Role-playing

Saving face

Shaming or embarrassing your toddler may lead to resentment and actually decrease cooperation. Saving face means allowing him to keep his dignity, even when he doesn’t get his way.
Saving face

Show your tot you believe in him

This is a confidence builder in which you ask for your child’s help, offer him options, or give him a minute to figure things out for himself.
Show your tot you believe in him

Side door of your child’s mind

Toddlers learn more from indirect messages—fairy tales, role-playing, and catching others being good—than from lectures and long explanations. Their natural tendency is to imitate what they see and overhear (through the “side door” of the mind) rather than what they’re told to do.
Side door of your child’s mind

Special time

A daily routine of one to two short (five- to ten-minute) sessions of uninterrupted fun and attention. It’s a gift that many kids fondly remember for the rest of their lives.
Special time

Spokesperson

A method of acknowledging your child’s feelings by saying what you think she would if she could.
Spokesperson

Sportscaster

A method of acknowledging your child’s feelings by narrating your child’s actions and feelings like an announcer describing a sports match.
Sportscaster

Star charts

A tool for improving your older toddler’s cooperation by making a daily recording on a little chart of a few specific behaviors you want to encourage.
Star charts

Sweet spot

When talking to anyone who is upset, you’ll be most successful having her feel respected and cared about if your tone of voice and facial gestures reflect about a third of the person’s emotional intensity.
Sweet spot

“Take-charge” consequences

Stronger penalties like time-out and giving a fine are the best way to quickly stop red-light behaviors.
“Take-charge” consequences

Time-in

Feeding your child’s meter with a little gift of your time and attention.
Time-in

Time-out

A short period of isolation to put a halt to unacceptable behaviors.
Time-out

Toddler-ese

A special language that’s supereffective with upset toddlers, made up of three simple steps: short phrases, lots of repetition, and mirroring a bit of the child’s feelings to connect with her emotional sweet spot.
Toddler-ese

Win-win compromise

Too many of us try to end conflicts with “I win … you lose” solutions. A better way to resolve disagreements (with your child or anyone else) is to find compromises where you both get some of what you want.
Win-win compromise

Yellow-light behavior

Annoying things your child says and does that you want to discourage.
Yellow-light behavior

“You-I” message

A valuable way of helping your child see your point of view by saying, “When you do … I feel….”.
“You-I” message