Notes

Chapter 1: Righting Wrongs

1. Matthew 6:15 NKJV.

2. Ephesians 4:32; 1 John 1:9.

3. Luke 23:34.

4. Acts 2:22–24, 40–41.

5. Romans 12:19.

6. For a further explanation of how to release stored anger, see Gary Chapman, Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way (Chicago: Northfield, 2007).

7. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship (New York: Macmillan, 1963), 47.

Chapter 2: “I’m Sorry”: Expressing Regret

1. Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten (New York: Ballantine, 1986), 4.

Chapter 3: “I Was Wrong”: Accepting Responsibility

1. As quoted in Ken Blanchard and Margret McBride, The One Minute Apology (New York: Harper Collins, 2003), 1.

2. Ibid., x.

3. Ephesians 5:25–33.

4. Romans 3:23.

5. 1 John 1:8–10.

Chapter 4: “How Can I Make It Right?”: Making Restitution

1. The Associated Press, “Thief Returns Cash from Ohio Kettle with Apology,” San Diego Union-Tribune, December 6, 2012, https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/sdut-thief-returns-cash-from-ohio-kettle-with-apology-2012dec06-story.html.

2. Everett L. Worthington Jr., Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 2003), 205.

3. For an in-depth look at expressing the five love languages among adults, see my books The 5 Love Languages (Chicago: Northfield, 2010) and The 5 Love Languages for Singles (Chicago: Northfield, 2009).

4. See Luke 19:1–10.

Chapter 5: “I’ll Take Specific Steps to Prevent a Recurrence”: Planned Change

1. Peter Meyer and Paul Pronovost, “An Apology to Our Readers,” Cape Cod Times, December 4, 2012, http://www.capecodonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20121204/NEWS/121209902.

2. “How It Works,” Alcoholics Anonymous (New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1976), 59.

Chapter 6: “Can You Find It in Your Heart …”: Requesting Forgiveness

1. We conducted a survey of more than 370 adults during 2004–2005 at various marriage seminars, and also collected responses on the website garychapman.org. This was a nonscientific survey but included married and single respondents. Most of the respondents at the seminars were married or engaged couples. The survey/questionnaire included seven questions.

2. Remember, for those with a controlling personality, asking forgiveness is out of their comfort zone emotionally. To successfully learn to speak the apology language of requesting forgiveness or, for that matter, any of the apology languages, an extremely controlling individual will likely require the help of an outside party: God, a counselor, a pastor, or a friend who is willing to be honest with him or her.

3. Joanne Kaufman, “Forgive Me!,” Good Housekeeping, November 2004, 174.

Chapter 8: What If You Don’t Want to Apologize?

1. Romans 12:17–19.

Chapter 9: Learning to Forgive

1. “About Forgiveness,” https://web.archive.org/web/20110921010133/http://www.forgiveness-Institute.org/html/.

2. Psalm 103:12.

3. Psalm 103:10.

4. Isaiah 43:25.

5. Isaiah 59:2.

6. Romans 6:23.

7. Ibid.

8. See Acts 2:37–39.

9. 1 John 1:9.

10. See Ephesians 4:32.

11. Matthew 7:12.

12. Luke 17:3–4 NKJV.

13. Matthew 18:15–16 NKJV.

14. Romans 12:19.

15. 1 Peter 2:23.

16. Ibid. Richard Francis Weymouth, The New Testament in Modern Speech (London: Clarue and Company, 2001).

Chapter 10: Healing Your Family Relationships

1. See Luke 15:11–16.

2. See Luke 15:17–24.

Chapter 12: Truly Sorry, Truly Forgiven

1. Michael S. Woods, Healing Words: The Power of Apology in Medicine (Oak Park, IL: Doctors in Touch, 2004), 19.