NB: page numbers in italic indicate figures
all-or-nothing/black-and-white thinking 151, 212, 221–2
anxious predictions (and) 61, 65–73, 83–118 see also vicious circle
avoidance 69–70
body sensations 96–7
checking out 101, 102, 103, 104, 110–11, 342–5
discounting of success 72–3
disruption of performance 71–2
experiments for acting differently 111–17
feelings 95–6
finding alternatives to 104–10, 105
identifying 91–101
impact on emotional state 67–9
noting date and time 94–5
overestimating chances of bad situations 86–8
pre-anxiety thoughts 97–9
precautions taken 99–101
recording 91, 92, 93, 94–101, 102, 103, 104–5
trigger situations 85–6
type of situation 95
underestimating outside resources 89
underestimating personal coping resources 88
unnecessary precautions 70–71, 91, 92
unnecessary self-protection 89–91
behavior 10
and self-critical thoughts 134
self-defeating 190
beliefs about the self 8–10
negative 8–10, 15, 31, 55 see also experience(s)
as prejudices 55–6
body sensations 10–11, 96–7, 132–3, 141
bottom line 32, 33, 48–52, 56–9, 59, 119, 161, 190, 206–7, 208, 211, 217
and anxious predictions 65–7 see also main entry
confirmation of 73
identifying 253–5
noting ideas on 51
and self-critical thoughts 73–6
and vicious circle 76–9 see also main entry
bottom line, old 269–90, 304, 307
contradictory evidence for 287–90 see also bottom line, personal
‘evidence’ supporting 269–71, 271
current difficulties/depression 271
differences/behavior of others 274–5
losses 275
past errors and failures 272
physical/psychological characteristics 273
specific problems 272–3
and understanding the ‘evidence’ 276–87, 276–7
asking for help/support 278–9
behavior of others 283
comparisons with other people 282–3
explanations for difficulties/distress 277
responsibility for/power over others 286–7
rigid ideas and self-esteem 281–2
self-judgements 279–81
bottom line, personal 251–97, 304, 307–8, 315
creating a new 262–9
evidence supporting new 287–96
behavioral experiments 292–4, 294–5
identifying 253–5
keeping record of 295–6
sources of information on 255–61
doubts and reservations 259
downward arrow technique 260–61, 262–3
fears and anxious predictions 257–8
imagined consequences of breaking old rules 259–60
personal history 255–7
self-critical thoughts 258
and undermining old bottom line see bottom line, old
changing rules for living 201–47, 203–04, 233, 247–9 see also rules for living, identifying; rules for living, personal and rules for living
by assessing impact of rules 230–31
by consolidating discoveries/learning 231–2, 242–6
and dealing with old rule 243
and experimenting with new rule 243–5
by finding new rules 232–3
and test-driving new rule 241–2
through knowledge of problem situations 225–9
by understanding your rules 233–6 see also rules for living, personal
using downward arrow technique 226–9, 228, 229–30
using flashcard 243
written summary/record-keeping for 202–3, 221–2, 226–7, 242, 246, 247–9
checking out anxious predictions see anxious predictions
cognitive behavior therapy vii–xi, 18, 22, 23–4, 34, 55, 76, 135, 174, 266, 324 see also learning and experience
Daily Activity Diary (and) 175, 176–7, 178–90, 182–83, 189, 221, 244, 354–7
hour-by-hour observation 178–9
mastery (M) ratings/activities 180–81, 184, 190
non-achievement 187–8
pleasurable activities and killjoy thoughts 185–7
pleasure (P) ratings/activities 179–80, 190
questions about 184–8
review 184
timing of entries for 185
clinical 13–14
development of low-self-esteem 31–59 see also record-keeping
by biased interpretation 53–4, 55
bottom line – bridging past and present 48–9, 49, 50–52, 57 see also bottom line
by learning and experience 34–48 see also experience(s)
and rules for living 56–9 see also main entry
doubt and uncertainty 84
downward arrow technique 226–9, 228, 229–30, 260–61, 262–3
emotions 10–11, 95–6, 132–3, 141, 211
exercises and record sheets 20
absence of good things 42–3
failure to meet parental standards 37–8
failure to meet peer group standards 38–9
family’s place in society 40–42
in later life 46–8
odd one out at home 44–5
odd one out at school 45–6
other people’s stress/distress 39– 40
systematic punishment, neglect or abuse 35–6
future see planning for the future
impact of low self-esteem (on) 7–8
leisure activities 12
life 11
personal relationships 11–12
scale of variations in 16–18
school and work 11
self-care 12
inner prosecutor 153
low self-esteem (as) see also bottom line and rules for living
aspect of current problems 13–14
consequence of other problems 14–15
vulnerability factor for other problems 15–16
mastery activities 180–81, 184, 190–91, 192–3
panic attacks 14
perfection, expectations of 154–5
personal rules for living see rules for living, personal
planning ahead (and) 190–99
balancing mastery and pleasure 190–91, 192–3
day ahead 191–2
failure in 194–5
making time for relaxation 197–8
potential pleasures 195–6
recording activities 192
review of day 192–3
successful 193
tackling problems 198–9
planning for the future 303–28, 305–6, 326–8
action planning questions 317–24, 317
SMART criteria for 310–16, 311
pleasure activities 179–80, 190–91, 192–3
and killjoy thoughts 185–7
Positives Notebook 172–4, 200, 296
see also self-acceptance
psychological and behavioral disorders viii–xi
questions and checklist on low self-esteem 5–7
questions for finding alternatives to anxious predictions 104–10, 105
combating critical thoughts 138, 139, 140, 168, 350–53
for Daily Activity Diary (DAD) 176–7, 182–3, 185, 354–7
predictions and precautions 91, 92, 93, 94, 338–41
spotting self-critical thoughts 128, 129–37, 130, 131, 346–9
date, time and situation 132
emotions and body sensations 132–3
record-keeping 32–3, 91–4, 135–7, 161–3, 172–4, 192, 242–6, 308, 320, 327–8 see also Daily Activity Diary and mapping experiences 32, 33
relationship difficulties 15
role and status of low self-esteem 12
rules for living 32, 33, 56–9, 188, 190, 201–49
breaking 61–5, 63, 84 see also anxious predictions and bottom line
changing see changing rules for living
cultural 209–10
helpful/tried and tested 203–5, 204
new see rules for living, personal perfectionist 205
personal see rules for living, personal and relationship with bottom line 206–7, 208
restrictive 205–6
and survival 203
rules for living, identifying 214–30
by assumptions (if/unless) 215–16
by drivers (should/must/ought) 216–17
and changing/using problem situations 225–30, 307 see also changing rules for living
sources of information for 219–20, 220, 221–5
direct statements 220–21
judgements 222
memories/family sayings 222–5
themes 221–2
by value judgements 217–18
rules for living, personal 209–14, 253, 256, 259–60 see also changing rules for living
and emotions 211
as absolute 212
excessive 212
finding 218–19
guarantee continued low self-esteem 212–14
identifying see rules for living, identifying
payoffs for obeying 236–8
disadvantages of obeying 238
payoffs/disadvantages, listing/charting 237–8, 239
realistic and helpful alternatives 239–41
test-driving new rule 241–2
rigidity of 210–11
uniqueness of 210
unreasonable 211–12
self, the
negative beliefs about 31
thoughts and statements about 10
self-acceptance (and) 157–200
complacency 160
early beliefs about 159
everyday awareness of ‘positives’ – Positives Notebook 172–4
identifying strong points/qualities 163–9, 164
listing positive qualities 161–3, 169–71
planning ahead 190–99 see also main entry
pleasure and satisfaction 174–90 see also Daily Activity Diary (DAD)
using your list 169–71
self-blame 153–4
self-confidence 3, 4, 18, 24, 46
self-critical thoughts 73–6, 188, 189
action plan for 141
alternative perspectives on 140–41, 142–3, 144–5, 147
combating 127, 138, 139, 140, 142–5, 161, 168, 350–53
emotional impact of 75–6
focusing on 137
and impact on behavior 134
key questions for finding alternatives to 145–8, 149, 150–6
queries on recording 135–7, 143–4
raising awareness of 127–9
spotting 128–29, 130, 131, 132–7
see also record sheets
blocks learning 125
effect of 123–4
ignores realities 125–6
impact of 119–22
unfairness of 124
vicious circle of 122
self-observation see Daily Activity Diary (DAD) and self-acceptance
social anxiety 15
double 150
high 188
strengths and weaknesses 152–3
trigger situations 33, 78, 85, 122
undermining bottom line 251–97, 298–302 see also bottom line, personal
unhelpful rules
impact of 230–31
using the book 19–22
cautionary note for 21–2
key issues for 19
value judgements 215, 217–18, 229
breaking the 77, 79, 84–5, 85, 307
drawing a 62
mapping your own 76–7
and self-criticism 122
triggering 61–2