contents

About the Authors

A Letter to Students

Preface

1Love and Why It Matters

Why Intimate Relationships Are Important

Intimate Relationships Affect Our Happiness and Well-Being

Intimate Relationships Influence the Well-Being of Children

Intimate Relationships Contribute to Larger Communities

box 1.1 / Spotlight on: Intimate Relationships and Social Conformity

Intimate Relationships Are Universal

Intimate Relationships Determine the Survival of Our Species

box 1.2 / Spotlight on: Talking About Love in Different Cultures

Main Points

What Makes a Relationship Intimate?

Interdependence Is the Cornerstone of All Relationships

Only Some Social Relationships Are Personal Relationships

Only Some Personal Relationships Are Close Relationships

Only Some Close Relationships Are Intimate Relationships

Main Points

Love and the Essential Mystery of Intimate Relationships

Main Points

Conclusion

2Influential Theories

What Makes a Theory Influential?

The Evolutionary Perspective

Fundamental Assumptions

box 2.1 / Spotlight on: The Scent of a Man

How the Evolutionary Perspective Guides Research

Evaluating the Evolutionary Perspective

Main Points

Attachment Theory

Fundamental Assumptions

How Attachment Theory Guides Research

Evaluating Attachment Theory

Main Points

Social Exchange Theory

Fundamental Assumptions

How Social Exchange Theory Guides Research

Evaluating Social Exchange Theory

Main Points

Social Learning Theory

Fundamental Assumptions

How Social Learning Theory Guides Research

Evaluating Social Learning Theory

Main Points

Social Ecological Models

Fundamental Assumptions

How Social Ecological Models Guide Research

Evaluating Social Ecological Models

Main Points

Unifying Themes in Theories of Intimate Relationships

Main Points

Conclusion

3Research Methods

Challenges of Relationship Science

Understanding Relationships Involves Studying Constructs

Relationships Are Complex and Multidetermined

Couples Are Not Objects

Main Points

Measurement Strategies

Self-Reports

Observational Measures

box 3.1 / Spotlight on: Measuring Relationship Satisfaction

Indirect Measures

Physiological Measures

Which Measurement Strategy Is Best?

Main Points

Designing the Study

Correlational Research

Longitudinal Research

box 3.2 / Spotlight on: The Case of the Disappearing Curve

Experimental Research

Archival Research

Which Research Design Is Best?

Main Points

Choosing Participants

box 3.3 / Spotlight on: The Challenges of Studying Couples

Main Points

Ethical Issues

Main Points

Conclusion

4Gender

Drawing Distinctions: Sex vs. Gender

From Biological Features to Social Expectations

Varieties of Gender Expression: Finding the Individuals in the Categories

How Gender Shapes Thinking and Affects Behavior

box 4.1 / Spotlight on: Changing Places

Main Points

Not So Innate: The Historical Context of Gender

Main Points

Measuring Gender Similarities and Differences

Main Points

Explaining Gender Similarities and Differences

The Evolutionary View: Gender Differences Are Inherited

The Social Structural View: Gender Differences Are Learned

box 4.2 / Spotlight on: Beliefs About Gender and Parenting

Main Points

Gender and Intimacy

Relationship Awareness

Expressing Emotion and Caring

Interest in Sex

Ending Relationships

Main Points

Conclusion

5Sexual Orientation

Sexual Orientations and Identities

Experiences and Expressions of Sexual Orientation

Sexual Orientations of Women and Men

Asexuality

Main Points

Origins of Sexual Orientation

Evolution and Genes

Prenatal Hormones

Social Influences

Main Points

Sexual Orientation and Intimate Relationships

Stigma and Prejudice

Communication, Cooperation, and Conflict

Sexual Acitivity and Sexual Exclusivity

box 5.1 / Spotlight on: The Curious Case of Divorce Among Lesbians

Main Points

Conclusion

6Personality and Personal History

Personality Traits and Emotional Tendencies

Personality, Emotion, and Intimacy

Consequences of Negative Affectivity and Low Self-Esteem

box 6.1 / Spotlight on: Relationships Influencing Personality

Main Points

Childhood Experiences in Families

Family Transitions and the Well-Being of Children

How Childhood Experiences Influence Later Relationships

The Social Learning Theory View

box 6.2 / Spotlight on: Science and the Politics of Divorce

Main Points

Early Relationships with Caregivers

The Attachment Theory View

Overcoming Insecurity

Main Points

Conclusion

7Romantic Attraction

Physical Appearance

How Much Does Appearance Matter?

Why Appearance Makes Such a Difference

box 7.1 / Spotlight on: Features of Appealing Faces

Main Points

Personal Characteristics

Personality and Similarity

Reciprocity and Selectivity

Unrequited Love

Knowing What You Want in a Romantic Partner

Main Points

How Context Affects Romantic Attraction

Main Points

Making a Connection

First Moves: Signaling Availability and Interest

box 7.2 / Spotlight on: Hooking Up in College

Self-Disclosure: Knowing and Being Known

Developing Commitment

Main Points

Conclusion

8Communication

How Communication Promotes Intimacy

Disclosures and Responses: The Intimacy Process Model

box 8.1 / Spotlight on: Finding Keepers

Research Findings on the Process of Intimacy

Main Points

Maintaining Intimacy

Expanding the Self: Shared Activities

Overcoming Stress and Adversity: Social Support

Accentuating the Positive: Capitalization

Responding to Betrayal: Forgiveness

box 8.2 / Spotlight on: Forgiveness and Infidelity

Main Points

Conclusion

9Sexual Intimacy

The Importance of Sex

Sexual Satisfaction and Relationship Satisfaction

Relationships Without Sex

Main Points

The Course of Sexual Desire

Main Points

Ingredients of a Healthy Sex Life

Quantity

Technique

Responsiveness

Main Points

The Functions of Sex in Intimate Relationships

box 9.1 / Spotlight on: Consensual Nonmonogamy

Strenghtening Pairbonds

Compensating for Relationship Vulnerabilities

Contributing to Physical Health and Well-being

Main Points

Obstacles: What Gets in the Way of Sex

Finding Time

Household Chores

Pornography Use

Negotiating Differences

Main Points

Conclusion

10Conflict

Why Do Lovers Disagree?

Main Points

The Landscape of Couple Conflict

Social Learning Theory and the Costs of Coercion

Behavioral Building Blocks of Conflict

Disagreements in Happy and Unhappy Couples

box 10.1 / Spotlight on: Quantifying Couple Communication

Partner Perceptions of Behaviors During Arguments

Broad Behavioral Patterns in Disagreements

Main Points

Consequences of Couple Conflict

box 10.2 / Spotlight on: Predicting Relationship Outcomes

Attachment Theory and Couple Conflict

Main Points

Conclusion

11Infidelity and Aggression

Infidelity

Negotiating and Violating Exclusivity

How Common Is Infidelity?

Does Biology Predispose Us to Being Unfaithful?

Red Flags and the Progression Toward Infidelity

In the Aftermath of Infidelity

Main Points

Aggression

Types of Aggressive Behavior

box 11.1 / Spotlight on: The Cycle of Coercive Controlling Violence

Characteristics of Situational Couple Violence

Explaining Situational Couple Violence

Main Points

Conclusion

12Interpreting Experience

Processing Information

Main Points

Functions of Beliefs and Values

Evaluating Our Relationships

Interpreting Relationship Events

Behavior in Relationships

Main Points

Origins of Beliefs and Values

Culture and Society

Mass Media

box 12.1 / Spotlight on: Arranged Marriages

Main Points

Motivated Reasoning

Enhancement: Believing the Best

Accuracy: Knowing and Being Known

Justification: Being Right

Main Points

Responding to Negative Experiences

Ignoring or Forgetting Negative Information

Minimizing the Impact of Negative Information

Main Points

The Limits of Motivated Reasoning

The Ability to Protect the Relationship

The Motive to Protect the Relationship

Main Points

Conclusion

13Stress and Context

Mapping the Context of Intimate Relationships

Stressors and Resources

Chronic Conditions and Acute Events

Main Points

Stress: When Bad Things Happen to Good Relationships

The Demands of Stress

Physiological Effects of Stress

Behavioral and Cognitive Effects of Stress

Stress Spillover and Stress Crossover

box 13.1 / Spotlight on: Long-Distance Relationships

The Benefits of Stress

Main Points

Social Networks: The Ties That Bind

Describing Social Networks

Advantages of Social Networks for Couples

Challenges of Social Networks

Main Points

Socioeconomic Status

Do the Poor Value Marriage Less?

Relationship Challenges in Low-Income Communities

Helping Low-Income Couples

Main Points

Conclusion

14Relationships Across the Lifespan

Born into Intimacy: How Adult Relationships Influence Children

Do Children Understand Adult Interactions?

The Impact of Adult Conflict on Children

Main Points

The Expanding Social World of Childhood

Sibling Relationships

Childhood Friendships

Main Points

Adolescence and Initial Steps into Intimacy

How Teenagers Think About Intimate Relationships

The First Time

A Preview of Coming Attractions

Main Points

Major Transitions in Intimate Relationships During Adulthood

Cohabitation

Marriage and Parenthood

Divorce and Remarriage

Main Points

Intimate Relationships in Later Life

Varieties of Intimacy for Older Adults

The Quality of Intimacy in Later Life

box 14.1 / Spotlight on: Romance Among Alzheimer’s Patients

Widowhood

Main Points

Conclusion

15Improving Relationships

Couples Therapy: Help for Distressed Relationships

Systems Models

Behavioral Models

box 15.1 / Spotlight on: How Partners Reward and Punish Each Other

box 15.2 / Spotlight on: A Therapy Session

Emotion Models

Evaluating the Models of Couples Therapy

Main Points

Relationship Education: Building on Strengths

Approaches to Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Evaluating Relationship Education Programs

Extending the Reach of Educational Strategies

Main Points

Seriously, What Should I Do?

Conclusion

Glossary

References

Credits

Text Credits

Name Index

Subject Index