absolutist pronouncements, 122
active voice, 52
affect labeling, 37
ambiguity, 33. See also certainty.
amygdala, 28–29, 31, 33, 34, 74, 215
approach-reward reflex, 31, 32
assumptions, 22, 85, 98, 103, 109, 122
attitudes, 148, 149. See also biased
assimilation.
attributional bias, 19
autonomy, as a SCARF Driver, 33, 46, 202
auto-pilot, 31
and mediation, 36–39, 43–57, 192
Bannink, Fredrike, 135
behavior readjustment, 93, 117
definition of, 204
formation of, 205
and questions, 206
Benjamin, Robert, 27
biased assimilation, 18
Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable, The, 77
blame, 39, 49, 52, 121, 138, 140, 172, 216, 217
brain functions, and mediation, 27–40
Brown, Jac, 138
certainty, as a SCARF Driver, 33, 46, 202
Change Blindness, 17
clarification, of existing information, 79
Clean Language, in communication, 81
Clean Language questions, 85–87
Clean Language: Revealing Metaphors and Opening Minds, 82, 85
cognition, definition of, 147
cognitive consonance, 147–148, 150, 155, 157
cognitive dissonance, 135, 146, 147–165
cognitive elements, 149
cognitive thinking, 28, 29, 37, 74, 181
communication, of information, 22.
See also words, choice of.
communication model. See NLP model of communication.
comparisons, and Distinction and Difference questions, 133
concerns and worries, questions about, 68, 195, 200, 207
conflict. See also conflict triggers; interpersonal cycles of conflict.
and impact on parties, 195
parts of, 131
conflict observers, perspective of, 174
conflict triggers, 68, 84, 104, 198, 199–200, 206
conscious underlying interests, 193–197
contexts, and Distinction and Difference questions, 132
C-system, 31
cultural norms, and perspective, 69, 168, 175
current paradigms, and perspective, 176–177
Damasio, Antonio, 35
decision-making analysis, 224
deep structure language, 23–24
default mode, 31
defense mechanisms, 74
deletions, of information, 16–20, 22, 119–120
Delgado, Mauricio R., 33
distortions, of information, 16–20, 22, 119, 121–122
emotional intelligence, 31
emotional reactions, 28–29, 37
emotional self-regulation, 29
emotions,
expression of, 187
and information processing, 19, 27–28, 31
and underlying interests, 182
environment,
and Seeking Information Dimension of questions, 79, 80
and Subject Matter Dimension of questions, 69
fairness, as a SCARF Driver, 34, 46, 203
false consensus bias, 18
Festinger, Leon, 147, 148, 157
gems, in parties’ communication, 48
generalizations, of information, 19–20, 22, 119, 123–124
generic questions, and conscious
Grove, David, 85
Gunn, Jane, 44
hippocampus, 28
hormones, 29.
See also stress hormones.
hot button stimulus, 199
hypothalamus, 29
hypothetical questions, 171–173, 176–177
impartial questions, 51
impasses, breaking of, 223–224
information, processing of, 15–25
internal consistency, 148
interpersonal cycles of conflict, 140–142
interpretations, 98, 99, 103, 108–109, 122
issue, definition, 180
and S Questions Model, 64
last words, use of, 188
Leotti, Lauren A., 33
Lepper, Mark R., 18
Lieberman, Matthew D., 31
limbic system. See midbrain.
listening effectively, 3, 37, 83
Lord, Charles G., 18
loss aversion, 55
McCluskey, Una, 36
measurement and ranking, and Distinction and Difference questions, 135
mediation questions,
and avoid-threat reflex, 43–57
and paradigm shift, 24
mediation skills and techniques, 47–57
mediators.
See also mediation questions;
mediation skills and techniques;
reflections, by mediators.
assumptions by, 85
and body language, 44, 45, 74, 83, 169, 186
role of, 14, 19, 24, 29, 37–38, 45–46, 48, 107, 159, 193, 198
and tone of voice, 44, 74, 83, 169
Mehrabian, Albert, 44
memories, 13, 15, 19, 24, 27–28, 94
metaphors, in communication, 81–84, 87
midbrain, 27–29. See also amygdala.
modes of functioning, 31
narratives, and Journey of Inference questions, 107–113
negative narratives, 39, 50, 123, 192, 217
negative social stimuli, 32
neocortex. See frontal brain.
neuroleadership, 30
Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), 15, 116
new information, gathering of, 80, 107
NLP model of communication, 19–20
Norretranders, Torr, 16
opposites, and Distinction and Difference questions, 132
pain avoidance, 31
paradigms. See also world maps. formation of, 12, 21, 93
paradigm shifts,
in both parties, 38, 93–94, 106, 112
parasympathetic nervous system, 29
parties, in mediation.
See also avoid-threat reflex;
SCARF Drivers.
and commonalities, 209
and Distinction and Difference questions, 131
empowerment of, 46
and Seeking Information Dimension of questions, 79, 80
and Subject Matter Dimension of questions, 68–69
underlying interests of, 38, 68
understanding between, 12, 23–24, 48, 83, 104, 112, 173, 209, 210
and vulnerability, 37, 44, 83, 159, 199
passive voice, 52
past,
past trauma, 9
people. See parties.
PEP Interaction,
and Seeking Information Dimension of questions, 79, 80
and Subject Matter Dimension of questions, 70
perceptions of reality, 110, 117.
See also subjective realities.
personal control. See autonomy.
perspectives, formation of, 13, 17, 24, 93.
See also S4: Other People
questions; spatial perspective.
position, definition of, 180
Positional Dispute Resolution Processes, 36
positional statements, 188–189, 194
post-decision cognitive consonance, 157
predictions, making of, 33
primary reward circuitry, 32
primary threat circuitry, 32
principles of mediation, 45
problem,
and Seeking Information Dimension of questions, 79, 80
and Subject Matter Dimension of questions, 69
rapport, with mediator, 56, 83
reactive devaluation, 18
reality test, of options, 220
reflections, by mediators, 47, 48, 49, 51, 54, 56, 63, 83, 187, 191
reflective mode, 31
reflexive mode, 31
regret, 36, 48, 83, 104, 112, 113, 216
relatedness, as a SCARF Driver, 34, 46, 203
reporting verbs, 51
reptilian brain, 27
reward maximization, 31
risk aversion, 55
Rock, David, 30, 32. See also SCARF Drivers.
Ross, Lee, 18
S1: Subject Matter Dimension of
S2: Structure Dimension of
S3: Seeking Information Dimension
S4: Cognitive Elements-based
and case studies, 150, 152, 154, 157, 161
and links with other S4 questions, 164
and types of questions, 162–164
S4: Distinction and Difference
and methodology, 130
S4: Future Focus questions, 192, 210, 213–225
and conditional questions, 218, 219, 221
and consequential questions, 218, 219, 222–224
and hypothetical questions, 218, 219–220
and question structure, 218–219
S4: Journey of Inference questions, 98–114, 222
background to, 102
and case studies, 100–102, 107–112
and guidelines, 105
S4: Neuro-linguistic Programming-based questions, 115–125
S4: Other People questions, 167–178
and case study, 169
and methodology, 169
and types of questions, 169, 170–177, 209, 224
S4: Reflective Connecting questions, 137–143
and case study, 139
and methodology, 139
S4: Shift Thinking Dimension of
and purpose, 92
S4: Underlying Interests questions, 179–212
Schwartz, Geoffrey, 215
Schwartz, S.H., 204
Selective Attention Test, 17
See also autonomy.
separate private meetings, 9, 37, 43–44, 59, 63, 83, 159, 190
sequence and source questions, 86, 87
7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, The, 13–14, 21
and empowering questions, 46
and unconscious underlying interests, 198, 201–203
signposting, 47, 51, 186, 217–218
social groups, 34
social neuroscience theory, 30
social rejection, 33
spatial perspectives, and Distinction and Difference questions, 133
S Questions Model,
and joint meetings, 64
premise of, 9
status, as a SCARF Driver, 33, 46, 201
strategies, for the future, 220
stress response, 29
subjective realities, 13, 24, 93, 94, 117
surface structure language, 23, 56
sustainable resolutions, 38, 180
sympathetic nervous system, 29, 31
systemic processes, 117
systems, and conflict, 141–142
Taleb, Nassim Nicholas, 77
Ten neuro-commandments, 30–32, 36
thinking, and questions, 94.
See also cognitive thinking;
paradigm shift; S4: Shift Thinking
Dimension of questions.
third-party perspective, 110.
See also S4: Other People questions
time span, and Distinction and Difference questions, 134
threat responses, 33
toxic expressions, reframing of, 53–55
Train Your Brain, 21
unconscious underlying interests, 193, 198–208
underlying interest, definition of, 181
underlying interest statements, 188–190
universal statements, 123
User Illusion: Cutting Consciousness Down to Size, The, 16
value-based conflicts, 208–210
definition of, 204
formation of, 205
verbal, versus nonverbal messages, 44
Vogt, Eric E., 103
Werber, Bernard, 24
Wilde, Dana, 21
words, choice of, 44, 52, 53–55, 120, 188.
See also Clean Language;
generalizations; metaphors;
reporting verbs.
world maps, 19
X-system, 31
Zimmermann, Manfred, 16