Abraham, 55
action, 256
al-Dîn, Nûr, 23
al-Dîn, Yusuf Salâh (Saladin), 23–28, 31–32
allies, 53
And There Was Light (Lusseyran), 178–179
anger (war), 47. See also choosing war; heart at war
assassinations, 186
axioms/lessons, 221–227
behavior, and way of being, 235–238
being in the box, 224–229, 243
being in the world with others, 81–83
betrayal, self-, 93–94, 96, 108–109, 132
better-than box, 109–112, 120–121, 174–180, 185–186, 199, 250
bigotry, 53, 57, 87–88, 97, 100
boxes, 91, 100, 124. See also better-than box; getting out of the box; I-deserve box; need-to-be-seen-as box; out-of-the-box places; staying out of the box; worse-than box
being blinded by, 217
being in the box, 224–229, 243
Carry-Box Diagram, 248–251
features of, 189
getting back in, 200
going into the box, 239–242
inviting change or war from, 209
justification, 131
as metaphors, 174
signs of, 201
staying power of, 192–193
building relationships, 217
Camp Moriah, 13–20, 55, 228–231
Carry-Box Diagram, 248–251
change. See also Influence Pyramid correction and, 17–19, 211, 216, 218, 221–222, 224, 245
identifying need for, 18
Influence Pyramid, 15–16, 208, 210, 212, 213
inviting, 209
unsuccessful, 18–19
yourself, 210–211
Choice Diagram, 92, 99, 133, 199, 238–241
choosing war, 82, 107. See also heart at war
bigotry, 87–88
Choice Diagram, 92
self-betrayal, 93
story of war in Israel / Jordan, 84–93
Collusion Diagram, 45, 48, 49, 53, 241–244
communication, problematic, 13, 17
compassion, 106
conflict
demonizing others, 56–57
examples of patterns of, 40–45
lack of, 59–62
nature of, 202
right and wrong parties in, 56, 58–59
contempt, 98–99
correction, 17–19, 211, 216, 218, 221–222, 224, 245. See also change
Crusades / Crusaders, 21–26
demonizing others, 56–57
Descartes, René, 80–81
diagrams
Carry-Box Diagram, 248–251
Choice Diagram, 92, 99, 133, 199, 238–241
Collusion Diagram, 45, 48, 49, 53, 241–244
Getting-Out-of-the-Box Diagram, 252–253
Way-of-Being Diagram, 32, 33–34, 235–238
disagreements, 66
Dome of the Rock, 55
effectiveness, 215, 223–224, 246
effort(s), 112, 116, 212, 218, 221, 223–224, 246
emotional experiences, 112
executing / acting upon what we feel, 256, 257
failure, inviting, 39
Fatah (Palestinian National Liberation Movement), 182, 183, 185, 187
feelings
despair and surrender, 166–167
honoring or betraying, 135–137
in I-deserve mode, 113
responsibility for, 127–130
finding out-of-the-box space, 254–255, 257
getting out of the box, 134–135, 149–150, 160, 168, 174–180, 192–194, 198, 200, 201–202, 209, 210–213, 215, 219–221, 253–257
Getting-Out-of-the-Box Diagram, 252–253
going into the box, 239–242
hardships, dwelling on, 100, 103
heart at peace, 28, 30, 32, 34, 99, 126–127, 130, 160, 202–203, 209–213, 218, 236, 239, 244, 256
heart at war, 32, 34, 40, 99, 107, 126–127, 199, 235, 236, 239
Heidegger, Martin, 80–81
helping others, 93
I-deserve box, 113–114, 121, 127, 199, 251
Influence Pyramid, 15–16, 208, 210, 212, 213, 215, 218, 244–247. See also lessons
inner clarity, recovering, 176, 179
Ishmael, 55–56
I-Thou / I-It ways of being, 81–82
Jerusalem, 22–26, 32–33, 55, 84–85, 182–185
judgmentalism, 64
justification. See also better-than box; I-deserve box; need-to-be-seen-as box; worse-than box of feelings, 91, 94–98
in softness, 117
learning, 18, 108, 131, 180, 214–216, 219, 221–226, 247. See also Listen & Learn
lessons, 221–227
listening, 64, 97, 169, 193, 213
Listen & Learn, 213, 215, 218, 221, 244–245
Lusseyran, Jacques, 178–179
Mohammed, 55
Mount Moriah, 55–56
need-to-be-seen-as box, 117–120, 138, 199, 251
negotiations / negotiators, 35–37
NOPE steps, 257
noticing red flags, 253–254, 257
objects, people as, 236–237
oppression, 189
out-of-the-box places, 190, 197–198, 230
peace. See also getting out of the box; heart at peace
finding our way to, 140
improving, 67
philosophy / philosophers, 78–83
pondering the situation anew, 255–256, 257
pyramids. See boxes; diagrams;
Influence Pyramid
questions
for getting out of the box, 190
pondering the situation anew, 255–256
thought, 237–238, 240–241, 243–244, 246–247
rebellion, 54
recovering inner clarity and peace, 201
red flags, 257
relationships / relationship building, 18, 180, 198, 201, 213, 215–219, 222–226, 238, 244–246, 254
resentment, 99
responsibility for one’s own feelings/actions, 59–62, 127, 164
rightness, 58–59
Rozen, Avi, 4–5
Saladin (al-Dîn, Yusuf Salâh), 23–27, 31–32
secrets, 63–64
self-betrayal, 93–94, 96, 108–109, 132
self-exploration, 88–91
self-justification, 109–115, 119, 121–124, 138–139
sexual assault, 236–237
signs of the box, 201
Solomon, King, 55
staying out of the box, 201
staying power of the box, 192
success, secret to, 28–29
teaching, 48, 211–225, 244–245, 250. See also change; Influence Pyramid
thought questions, 237–238, 240–241, 243–244, 246–247
victimhood, 102
war
choosing, 82, 84–93, 107 (see also heart at war)
inviting, 209
Way-of-Being Diagram, 32, 33–34, 235–238
ways of being, 32–33, 38–39, 81–82, 126, 223, 235–238
wrongness, 58–59