A note about the index: The pages referenced in this index refer to the page numbers in the print edition. Clicking on a page number will take you to the ebook location that corresponds to the beginning of that page in the print edition. For a comprehensive list of locations of any word or phrase, use your reading system’s search function.
Acting As If technique
description of, 53–56
exercise for, 56
for self-confidence, 106–8, 147
for self-defeating thoughts, 53–55
Adams, Brian, 129
Affirmations, 29, 39, 42, 46, 49
Aggression, 35–36, 96–101, 105
Agoraphobia, 117
Antianxiety medications, 119–21
Assertiveness, 96–101, 105–10, 134–36
Assuredness, 108
Behaviors
aggressive behavior, 35–36, 96–101, 105
assertive behavior, 96–101, 105–10, 134–36
environmental influences on, 23–27
innate behavior, 23
learned behavior, 23
negative thinking, 18, 28–31, 44–46, 53–55, 75, 125, 130, 147
positive thinking, 29–31, 44–46, 125
therapy for, 118–21
thought processes, 29–31
Bookstores, 82–83
Boundaries, healthy, 25
Career advancement. See also Workplace
communication tips for, 105–10, 134–36, 147–48
success with, 105–10, 134–36, 147–48
Talk Back technique for, 135–36
Thought Stopping technique for, 134–35
visualization for, 136
Comfort level
gauging, 61–67
at parties, 65–67
rating, 9–19
Communication tips
for career advancement, 105–10, 134–36, 147–48
for relationships, 76–83, 101–10, 131–33
for social gatherings, 62–64
for workplace, 105–10, 133–36, 142–45
Compassion, 36–39, 48, 101–4, 110
Confidence
Acting As If technique for, 53–55, 106–8, 147
assertiveness and, 96–101
for public speaking, 147–49
success and, 129
visualization for, 128–29, 141, 144–45, 148–49
in workplace, 144–45
Conversation tips. See also Communication tips
for relationships, 102–10
for social gatherings, 62–64
Courage, 28, 31, 36, 39, 76, 118
Dating
Acting As If technique for, 71, 73
asking someone out, 131–33
conversation tips for, 76–83, 131–33
experience with, 71–89
help from friends, 85–86
Internet dating, 87–89
meeting people, 79–89
opening up during, 76
shyness and, 71–89
success with, 78
Talk Back technique for, 132–33
Thought Stopping technique for, 131–32
visualization for, 133
Destructive behavior, 97, 99, 101
Detachment, 28. See also Solitude
Difficult personality types, 93–95, 109–12
Discipline, 129
Embarrassment, fear of, 48
Environmental influences, 23–27
Extroverts
associating with, 91–96, 112–13
characteristics of, 18, 23, 35, 95–96
at parties, 59–61
Family members. See also Relationships
interacting with, 94–96, 137–41
personality of, 26
Talk Back technique with, 139
Thought Stopping technique with, 137–38
visualization with, 139–41
Fear
of disappointing others, 98
of embarrassment, 48
of isolation, 113
of judgment, 48
of leaving home, 117
of public speaking, 147
of solitude, 38–39
Friends
calling, 44–45
choosing, 110–13
difficult personalities, 93–95, 109–12
meeting people through, 62, 85–86
at parties, 62
Fun, 57–67. See also Dating; Parties
Groups, joining, 86–87
Gym, joining, 79–82
Habits, changing, 53–54
Healthy boundaries, 25
Hurt, cycle of, 24–25
Hurt, overcoming, 19
Impatience, 129
Independent spirit, 38–39
Innate behaviors, 23
Insecurity
dating and, 73–76
fear and, 46
learning from, 43–46
negativity and, 44–46
as strength, 46
triggers of, 44–45
wisdom of, 43
Interests, sharing, 86–87
Internet dating sites, 87–89
Internet safety, 88–89
Intimacy
desire for, 24–25
enhancing, 102–3
Introverts, 23, 59–61, 71. See also Shyness
Isolation
for avoiding hurt, 25
fear of, 113
loneliness and, 25, 28, 38–39, 78, 86, 89
Johnson, Lady Bird, 66
Judgment, fear of, 48
Learned behaviors, 23
Listening skills, 101, 105, 110
Loneliness, 25, 28, 38–39, 78, 86, 89. See also Isolation
Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth, 31
Love
fear of, 71–75
shyness and, 69–89
Medications, 119–21
Meeting people
at bookstores, 82–83
at gyms, 79–82
at social gatherings, 62–67, 84
at spiritual gatherings, 84
through groups, 86–87
through online sites, 87–89
through volunteerism, 84
at workshops, 86
Mental imagery, 125–30, 144–45. See also Visualization
Name a Feeling technique, 73–75, 78, 125
Nature vs. nurture, 23
Negative thinking
replacing, 31, 44–46, 53–55, 65–66, 108, 125, 129–30
self-defeating thoughts, 18, 28–29, 53–55, 59, 75, 147
Thought Stopping technique for, 46, 71–75
Oates, Joyce Carol, 63
Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), 117–18, 121
Online sites, 87–89
Pain
of phobias, 117–21
of shyness, 6–9, 25–30, 71–73, 76, 117–21
of solitude, 117–18
Parties. See also Dating
action at, 62–63
awareness at, 64–67
comfort level at, 65–67
conversations at, 62–64
food at, 62–63
fun at, 57–67
gathering at, 62–63
meeting people at, 62–67
observing others at, 64–67
Patience, 129
Personality traits, 26–27, 35–49, 76, 93, 110–11
Personality types, 37, 93–95, 109–13
Phobias
agoraphobia, 117
isolation and, 117–18
medications for, 119–21
obsessive compulsive disorder, 117–18, 121
pain of, 117–21
social phobia, 115–21
therapy for, 118–21
Plath, Sylvia, 76
Positive affirmations, 29, 39, 42, 46, 49
Positive thinking, 29–31, 44–46, 125
Psychiatrists, 119
Public speaking tips, 146–49
Quiz on shyness level, 9–19
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), 118
Rejection, fear of, 25, 36, 53
Relationships. See also Meeting people
Acting As If technique for, 71, 73
boundaries in, 25
communication in, 76–83, 101–10, 131–33
dating tips, 71–89
desire for, 24–25
with family members, 94–96, 137–41
Relaxation techniques, 125–28, 133, 136, 140, 144. See also Visualization
Risks, taking, 18, 25, 36, 61, 75, 78, 103, 132
Roosevelt, Eleanor, 118
Self-acceptance, 30, 33–49, 113
Self-awareness, 5, 25, 43, 105, 113
Self-confidence
Acting As If technique for, 53–55, 106–8, 147
assertiveness and, 96–101
for public speaking, 147–49
success and, 129
visualization for, 128–29, 141, 144–45, 148–49
in workplace, 144–45
Self-defeating thoughts. See also Negative thinking
Acting As If technique for, 53–55
Self-esteem, 43
Self-expansion, 80–82
Shyness
dating and, 71–89
environmental factors, 23–27
exercises for overcoming, 26–29, 37, 40, 44–47, 54–56, 77, 80–81, 85, 99, 102–3, 109, 127–49
gauging, 9–19
level of, 7–19
love and, 69–89
pain of, 6–9, 25–30, 71–73, 76, 117–21
past events and, 19, 23–31, 56
quiz on, 9–19
reasons for, 21–31
research on, 23
socializing, 57–67
social phobias, 115–21
techniques for overcoming, 51–56, 71–75, 78, 105–10, 123–49
timidity, 23–24, 59, 64, 101–4
traits of, 26–27, 35–49, 76, 93, 110–11
Shyness level, rating, 9–19
Shy-strength
assertiveness, 100–102
enhancing, 67
explanation of, 30
practicing, 79, 87, 93–96, 100–102, 110–13
qualities of, 48, 100–101, 110–12
sensitivity, 48
transforming to, 5, 30, 42–43, 53–56, 93–96, 117, 150
understanding, 59–60, 64, 100–101, 104
Social gatherings. See also Parties
action at, 62–63
awareness at, 64–67
comfort level at, 65–67
conversations at, 62–64
food at, 62–63
fun at, 57–67
observing others at, 64–67
Social phobia
agoraphobia, 117
isolation and, 117–18
medications for, 119–21
obsessive compulsive disorder, 117–18, 121
pain of, 117–21
therapy for, 118–21
Solitude
comfort zone of, 28
courage and, 39
detachment and, 28
fear of, 38–39
isolation and, 25, 38–39, 117–18
loneliness and, 25, 28, 38–39, 78, 86, 89
pain of, 117–18
Special interest groups, 86–87
Spiritual gatherings, 84
Status quo, fighting, 31
Strengths, 18–19, 36–39, 93–96, 118. See also Shy-strength
Success
with career, 105–10, 134–36, 147–48
communication and, 102–3
confidence and, 129
with dating, 78
growth and, 5
measure of, 35–36
modesty and, 39
at parties, 62
with relationships, 61–62, 71–78
transformations and, 18–19
with visualization, 128
Tactfulness, 39–42, 93, 101, 105
Talk Back technique
for career advancement, 135–36
for dating, 132–33
with family members, 139
for public speaking, 147–48
for self-defeating thoughts, 53
in workplace, 143–44
Therapy, 118–21
Thought Naming technique, 73–75, 78, 125
Thought Stopping technique
for career advancement, 134–35
for dating, 131–32
with family members, 137–38
for negative thoughts, 46, 71–75
for public speaking, 146–47
for self-defeating thoughts, 53–55
in workplace, 142–43
Timidity. See also Shyness
assertiveness and, 101–4
environmental factors, 23–24
Transformations
to shy-strengths, 5, 30, 42–46, 53–56, 93–96, 117, 150
Visualization
for career advancement, 136
for dating, 133
description of, 125–30
with family members, 139–41
mental imagery, 125–30, 144–45
for public speaking, 148–49
relaxation and, 126–28
replacing negative thoughts, 128, 130
for self-confidence, 128–29, 141, 144–45, 148–49
utilizing, 130
in workplace, 144–45
Volunteerism, 84
Ward, William Arthur, 94
Watts, Alan, 43
Workplace
Acting As If technique for, 105–6, 110
assertiveness in, 134–36
career advancement, 105–10, 134–36, 147–48
communication in, 105–10, 133–36, 142–45
coworkers in, 100–101, 105–7, 110, 142–45
promotion in, 134–36
self-confidence in, 144–45
Talk Back technique for, 143–44
Thought Stopping technique for, 142–43
visualization in, 144–45