acceptance, saying yes to, 27
A.C.E. method, 163
acknowledgment, 163
action management, 105
activating the brain, 93
activation (task management), 104
ADHD Family Solution, The (Bertin), 68
Alexander, David, 85
American Institute of Stress, 37
Amygdala Hijack, 38
Angelou, Maya, 54
anger, 31
ask, don’t tell, 164
Assume Best Intentions (A.B.I.), 134
attention management (focus), 104
Barkley, Russell, 99
Bertin, Mark, 68
Bigger Game workshop, 120
Blakely, Sarah, 121
blame game, 94
Blessing of a Skinned Knee, The (Mogel), 54, 61
bootstraps reaction, 35
brain
activating, 93
chemistry of, 102
Bregman, Peter, 140
“Bring it on!” attitude, 28
bringing it all together, 167
Brown, Brené, 162
Brown, Thomas, 103
bullies, internal, 82
calming down/staying calm, 29, 38, 98
catastrophizing, 107
celebrating unusual victories, 177
championing, 66
chaos and disappointment, 113
choices, 35
coach approach, 63
coach’s reframe
case study on, 23
on challenge areas, 21
on collaborative agenda, 155
on complex brains, 91
on expectations, 127
on motivation, 103
on parenting choices, 35
on parenting like a coach, 63
on positive tone of home, 114
on problem solving, 139
progress over perfection, 170
role of, 12
on strained relationships, 49
on taking marathon view, 79
Co-Active Training Institute (CTI), 63
code words, 161
collaborative agenda, 155
communication/language
ask, don’t tell, 164
changing oppositional patterns of, 95
code words, 161
expectations and, 24
tone of, 113
See also relationships
compassion
empathy and, 163
radical, 120
competition, as motivator, 106
complex kids
additional responsibilities with, 78
challenge areas for families with, 19
parenting differences and, 31
signs of, 17
conscious parenting, 50
consequences
punishment disguised as, 131
consistency, flexibility and, 145
controlling, saying no to, 159
cortisol, 52
Covey, Stephen, 140
criticism, saying no to, 173
curiosity approach, 92
defensive dishonesty, 122
demanding reaction, 35
Dempster, Diane, 10, 19, 103, 117, 119, 134, 177, 180
desperation, 21
developmental delays, 125
“Difference Between Sympathy and Empathy, The” (Brown), 162
disability perspective, 96
disappointment, chaos and, 113
discernment, 69
discussion group guide, 182
distant reaction, 34
effort (energy/effort management), 104
Eisenhower, Dwight, 170
Emotional Intelligence (Goleman), 38
empathy, 162
energy/effort management (effort), 104
executive function (EF), 103
expectations
setting appropriate, 125
shedding, 23
shifting, 94
failing forward, 140
fit, goodness of, 49
fix-it reaction, 33
Fleming, Alexander, 121
flexibility, 144
focus (attention management), 104
Ford, Henry, 70
forgiveness, 41
frontal lobe (pre-frontal cortex), 103
G.E.M.O. (Good Enough Move On), 119
gender stereotypes, 32
gender-inclusive pronouns, 14
Goleman, Daniel, 38
“goodness of fit,” 49
Greene, Ross, 28, 108, 126, 135, 155
gremlins, 82
hindbrain (primitive brain), 103
home/school, as challenge area, 20
hurry-up (urgency), as motivator, 106
Impact Model
introduction to, 10
overview of, 75
steps in, 11
impact on family, as challenge area, 21
important things, saying yes to, 83
incentives, 132
incremental steps, rewarding, 143
independence, empowering, 65
information management (memory), 105
inner critic, 82
Inside Out? 97
inspiration, 21
instincts, trusting, 57
interest, as motivator, 106
International Conference on ADHD, 28, 126
invincibility, 133
journal, 13
judgement, 67
Kelly, Shannon, 120
Knotts, Don, 134
language. See communication/language
letting go, 71
logistics, 20
lost, feeling, 32
lying, 122
macro level, 80
magic questions, 142
marathon view, 79
maxed-out reaction, 33
micro level, 81
mistakes
accepting, 121
admitting to, 175
learning from, 140
looking for victories in, 177
moral diagnosis, 68
motivation/motivators, 65, 101, 157, 159
nagging, 33
natural consequences, 130, 132
neurological causes, recognizing, 89
neurotransmitters, 102
novelty, as motivator, 106
Nowhere to Hide (Schultz), 134
Olivardia, Roberto, 52
oppositional communication patterns, changing, 95
outcome, process over, 143
ownership
as best reward, 108
cultivating, 153
pacing yourself, 79
Parcells, Carolyn, 52
parenting
“Parenting Together: Getting on the Same Page” (Taylor-Klaus), 25
Pauley, Jane, 142
perfection, progress over, 170
perspectives, different, 69
P.I.N.C.H., 105
Platzman, Kathleen, 91
play, as motivator, 105
playful reaction, 34
possibilities, championing and seeing, 133
pre-frontal cortex (frontal lobe), 103
preparation, 79
primitive brain (hindbrain), 103
prioritizing, 83
problem, role of stating the, 12
problem solving, 139
process over outcome, 143
progress over perfection, 170
protective factors, 133
Pruitt, Sherry, 103
punishment disguised as consequences, 131
pushover reaction, 34
questions for self-discovery
on asking for help, 178
on challenge areas, 29
on collaborative approach, 166
on expectations, 135
on four phases of parenting, 73
on introduction, 15
on motivation, 111
on parenting styles, 45
on relationships, 59
role of, 13
on shifts in thinking, 99
on solutions and successes, 148
on taking aim, 87
on tone, 123
radical compassion, 120
reacting, responding instead of, 97
reactions, common but unhelpful, 31
relationships
as challenge area, 20
strained, 47
See also communication/language
resentment, saying no to, 25
resilience, fostering, 133
resources, 186
responding instead of reacting, 97
results, saying no to, 142
reward systems, 108
Rinse & Repeat, 171
Rock, David, 54
Roggli, Linda, 49
“Sanity Sessions,” 9
say no
to catastrophizing, 107
to controlling, 159
to criticism, 173
to defensiveness, 53
to denial, 39
to gremlins, 82
to holding onto resentment, 25
to judgement, 67
to perfectionism, 118
to punishment disguised as consequences, 131
to results, 142
role of, 13
to shame and blame game, 94
say yes
to acceptance, 27
to connecting with A.C.E., 162
to different perspectives, 69
to disability perspective, 96
to forgiveness, 41
to fostering resilience, 133
to ownership as best reward, 108
to radical compassion, 120
to redefining success, 54
role of, 13
to simplicity and flexibility, 144
to transparency, 174
to what’s most important, 83
Schultz, Jerome, 134
Scream Free Parenting (Runkel), 126
self-forgiveness, 43
self-management, 29
self-talk
ask, don’t tell, 164
Assume Best Intentions (A.B.I.), 134
celebrate unusual victories, 176
expecting the unexpected, 28
letting go, 71
make it okay to make mistakes, 121
motivation, 110
put the stick down, 43
responding instead of reacting, 97
on solutions and successes, 146
trust your instincts, 57
shame, 94
simplicity, 144
Sinek, Simon, 69
Smart but Stuck (Brown), 103
Smith, Ruth, 133
snow-plow parent, 143
solutions
involving kids in, 153
starting with, 137
stating the problem, role of, 12
staying calm/calming down, 29, 38, 98
“Stop Focusing on Your Performance” (Bregman), 140
story, finding new, 38
storytelling
author’s story, 168
Claire’s story, 46
Elijah’s story, 124
Hannah’s story, 136
Henry’s story, 100
Janine’s story, 30
Jenna’s story, 76
Kara’s story, 152
Linda’s story, 88
Marc and Gwen’s story, 60
role of, 12
Sarah’s story, 18
Tammy’s story, 112
strategies
asking for help, 171
for challenge areas, 23
curiosity approach, 92
definition of, 138
failing forward, 140
for four phases of parenting, 65
on motivation, 105
playing to strengths, 117
role of, 12
for shifting expectations, 128
for strained relationships, 51
taking aim, 80
on triggers, 37
strengths, playing to, 117
stress cycle, escaping, 37, 42
structures, definition of, 138
structures, creating effective, 94, 137
success, redefining, 47
super-parent reaction, 32
systems
definition of, 138
taking aim, 77
taking things personally, 53, 55
Taming the Tiger (Pruitt), 103
Tamlyn, Rick, 120
task management (activation), 104
tasks, hyper-focus on, 51
temperament, goodness of fit and, 49
3-5 challenge, 128
tone of the home, 114
transitions, 114
transparency, 174
triggers
consciously managing, 37
identifying, 98
trust, 52
unexpected, expecting, 28
“up until now” thinking, 35
urgency (hurry-up), as motivator, 106
victories, celebrating unusual, 176
wait-and-see attitude, 34
Werner, Emmy, 133
What the Heck Is Executive Function and Why Should You Care? (Dempster and Taylor-Klaus), 103
worry, 78