NOTES

[1] Ephesians 5:31-32.

[2] Robert T. Michael et al., Sex in America: A Definitive Survey (Boston: Little, Brown, 1994), quoted in Neil Clark Warren, Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale, 1995), 121.

[3] Robert T. Michael, et al., Sex in America: A Definitive Survey (Boston: Little, Brown, 1994), quoted in Lisa Collier Cool, “Am I Normal?” Good Housekeeping (March 2001): 73.

[4] 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.

[5] John F. Walvoord and Roy B. Zuck, eds., The Bible Knowledge Commentary (Wheaton, Ill.: Victor, 1995), 517.

[6] Jill Savage, “Scheduling Intimacy?” Marriage Partnership (Summer 2005): 21.

[7] Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially (New York: Doubleday, 2000), 88.

[8] Ibid., 96.

[9] Clifford Penner and Joyce Penner, A Married Guy’s Guide to Great Sex (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale, 2004), 32.

[10] 1 Corinthians 13:5.

[11] Gary Smalley and Norma Smalley, For Better or for Best (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1988), 60.

[12] Liberated Christians, “Getting in Touch with Intimacy and Meaningful Sexuality in a Sexually Immature Culture,” Liberated Christians, Inc., http://www.libchrist.com/intimacy/intouch.html. Used by permission.

[13] Masterpeace Center for Counseling and Development, Online Resources, “Building the Bridge of a Secure Marriage,” http://www.mpccd.com/resources/resources_buildingbridge.htm.

[14] These thoughts are adapted from Neil Clark Warren, Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale, 1995), 71–75.

[15] UCLA Monthly (March–April 1981): 1.

[16] Gary Smalley and Norma Smalley, For Better or for Best (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1988), 108.

[17] Shirley Glass with Jean Coppock Staeheli, Not “Just Friends”: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal (New York: Free Press, 2003), 27.

[18] Ibid., 57.

[19] Ephesians 5:25.

[20] Steve Stephens, 20 Surprisingly Simple Rules and Tools for a Great Marriage (Carol Stream, Ill.: Tyndale, 2003), 82.

[21] Ibid., 82–83.

[22] Neil Clark Warren, Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale, 1995), 121.

[23] Shaunti Feldhahn, For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men (Sisters, Ore.: Multnomah, 2004), 94.

[24] David Kantor, quoted in Amy Hertz, “To Love, Honor, and Last Longer than a Year,” O, The Oprah Magazine (March 2002): 205.

[25] John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire, The Relationship Cure: A Five-Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships (New York: Three Rivers Press, 2001), 4.

[26] Gary Smalley, Connecting with Your Husband (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale, 2003), 38.

[27] Ed Wheat, Love Life for Every Married Couple (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1997), 78.

[28] Kevin Leman, Sheet Music (Carol Stream, Ill.: Tyndale, 2003), 46–47, 52.

[29] Feldhahn, For Women Only, 103.

[30] We thank Douglas Rosenau, Debra Taylor, Christopher McCluskey, and Michael Sytsma, excellent Christian sex therapists from Sexual Wholeness Inc., for these insights, which they shared during the American Marriage and Family Ministries conference, held in Phoenix, Arizona, in 2005.

[31] Edward Laumann, Anthony Paik, and Raymond Rosen, “Sexual Dysfunction in the United States: Prevalence and Predictors,” Journal of the American Medical Association (February 10, 1999).

[32] Clifford Penner and Joyce Penner, The Married Guy’s Guide to Great Sex (Carol Stream, Ill.: Tyndale, 2004), 72.

[33] Kevin Leman, Making Sense of the Men in Your Life (Nashville: Nelson, 2000), 140.

[34] 1 Corinthians 13:4-5.

[35] Kelly Maybury, “I Do? Marriage in Uncertain Times,” The Gallup Poll, January 22, 2002, http://poll.gallup.com/content/default.aspx?ci=5206.

[36] Howard Markman et al., Fighting for Your Marriage (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1994), 285, quoted in Gary Smalley, Making Love Last Forever (Dallas: Word, 1996), 103.

[37] Nick Stinnett and John DeFrain, Secrets of Strong Families (Boston: Little, Brown, 1985), quoted in Gary Smalley, Making Love Last Forever (Dallas: Word, 1996), 103.

[38] Louise Lague, “How Honest Are Couples, Really?” Reader’s Digest, RD.com, http://www.rd.com/content/openContent.do?contentId=15351.

[39] Sue Johnson, quoted in Robert Kiener, “How Honest Are Couples, Really?” Reader’s Digest (Canada), http://www.readersdigest.ca/mag/2003/04/couples.html.

[40] These suggestions were made by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall, “Spiritual Intimacy,” Marriage Partnership (Summer 2000): 60.

[41] Gregory Godek, 1001 Ways to Be Romantic (Naperville, Ill.: Casablanca Press, 2000), quoted in Marriage (March–April 2002): 10.

[42] “Dr. Phil: The Love Survey,” O, The Oprah Magazine (February 2004): 32.

[43] Jim Mueller, “Strategic Romance” growthtrac, Articles, http://www.growthtrac.com/artman/publish/article_15.php.

[44] Greg Godek, 1001 Ways to Be Romantic. Copyright © 1999 by Greg J. P. Godek. Used with permission of Sourcebooks, Inc., 800-432-7444.

[45] Kevin Leman, “10 Reasons Your Husband Is Always Thinking about Sex,” Marriage (March–April 2002): 30.

[46] Clifford and Joyce Penner, “You Don’t Believe These Sexual Myths, Do You?!” Marriage (January–February 1998): 13–15.

[47] Paraphrased from Douglas Rosenau, A Celebration of Sex (Nashville: Nelson, 1994), 193.

[48] David Bjerklie, “When It’s Time for Sex, She Knows,” Time 163, no. 25 (June 21, 2004), http://www.time.com/time/archive/preview/0,10987,994480,00.html.

[49] David and Claudia Arp, “Pleasure through All Your Married Years,” Marriage (November–December 2002): 25.

[50] Song of Songs 1:16, 2:3, NIV.

[51] Gary P. Stewart and Timothy J. Demy, Winning the Marriage Marathon: Six Strategies for Becoming Lifelong Partners (Grand Rapids: Kregel, 1999).

[52] Archibald Hart, The Sexual Man (Nashville: W, 1995), 5.

[53] Christopher and Rachel McCluskey, When Two Become One: Enhancing Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (Grand Rapids: Revel, 2004), 157–58.

[54] Shay Roop, “Nine Reasons Orgasms Are Good for You,” Marriage Partnership (Summer 2005): 7.

[55] Michele Weiner Davis, quoted in “When ‘I Do’ Becomes ‘I Don’t Want to’” USA Today, January 22, 2003.

[56] Lynn Vanderzalm, Finding Strength in Weakness: Hope and Help for Families Battling Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995), 201.

[57] Douglas Rosenau, A Celebration of Sex (Nashville: Nelson, 1994), 86.

[58] Susan Crain Bakos, “The Sex Trick Busy Couples Swear By,” Redbook (March 2001): 125.

[59] See 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.

[60] David and Claudia Arp, “Partner First, Parent Second,” Marriage (July–August 2004): 33.

[61] See Exodus 20:1-17.

[62] Ginger Kolbaba, “Fried!” Marriage Partnership (Fall 2005): 52.

[63] Kevin Leman, Sheet Music (Carol Stream, Ill.: Tyndale, 2003), 193.

[64] “Let’s Talk about Sex, Baby,” Marriage Partnership (Spring 2001): 9.

[65] Leman, Sheet Music, 193–94.

[66] Some of these questions are adapted from our book 40 Unforgettable Dates with your Mate (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale, 2002), 162–64.

[67] Leman, Sheet Music, 195.

[68] Adapted from Louis and Melissa McBurney, “Christian Sex Rules,” Marriage Partnership (Spring 2001): 34ff; see also http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2001/001/4.34.html.

[69] 1 Corinthians 6:18-20.

[70] Neil Clark Warren, Learning to Live with the Love of Your Life (Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale, 1995), 123.

[71] PhilipYancey, “Holy Sex: How It Ravishes Our Souls,” Christianity Today (October 2003): 47.

[72] Exodus 6:6-8.

[73] Exodus 6:9.

[74] Deuteronomy 30:19.

[75] Galatians 5:1, NIV.

[76] Joel 2:25-27.

[77] Zephaniah 3:17.

[78] Exodus 6:7.

[79] Isaiah 51:12, 15-16, italics added.

[80] Isaiah 40:25-29.

[81] Philippians 4:6.

[82] Lisa Collier Cool, “Am I Normal?” Good Housekeeping (March 2001): 74.

[83] Kevin Leman, “10 Reasons Your Husband Is Always Thinking about Sex,” Marriage (March–April 2002): 31.

[84] 1 Thessalonians 5:17.

[85] Andrew M. Greeley, Faithful Attraction: Discovering Intimacy, Love, and Fidelity in American Marriage (New York: Tom Doherty Associates, 1991).

[86] Les Parrott and Leslie Parrott, Saving Your Marriage before It Starts (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1995), 145.

[87] Adapted from David Clarke, “Spiritually Alone?” Marriage Partnership (Winter 2003): 30.

[88] See 1 Peter 3:1-2.

[89] Martha Williamson, Inviting God to Your Wedding (New York: Harmony Books, 2000), 84–85.

[90] Ibid., 85–86.

[91] Hebrews 13:4, NIV.

[92] David Goetz, personal conversation.

[93] Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, Every Man’s Battle (Colorado Springs, Colo.: WaterBrook, 2000), 135–36.

[94] Benedict Carey, “The Roots of Temptation,” Los Angeles Times, October 20, 2003, F1.

[95] Elizabeth Enright, “A House Divided,” AARP Magazine (July–August 2004), http://www.aarpmagazine.org/family/Articles/a2004-05-26-mag-divorce.html.

[96] Debbie Layton-Tholl, “Extramarital Affairs: What Is the Allure?” personal Web site, http://hometown.aol.com/affairlady/article.htm.

[97] See Matthew 5:31-32.

[98] Nancy C. Anderson, Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome (Grand Rapids: Kregel, 2004), 37.

[99] Mary DeMuth, “Opening the Door to Healing,” Marriage Partnership (Fall 2005): 38.

[100] Ibid., 40.

[101] Matthew 11:28.

[102] Paraphrase of Romans 5:3-5, NIV.