Self-Esteem For Dummies®

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1. Table of Contents
   1. Introduction
      1. About This Book
      2. Foolish Assumptions
      3. Icons Used in This Book
      4. Beyond the Book
      5. Where to Go From Here
   2. Part I: The Lowdown on Self-Esteem
      1. Chapter 1: The Nature of Self-Esteem
         1. Defining Self-Esteem
         2. Understanding the Foundations of Self-Esteem
         3. Healthy Self-Esteem versus Low Self-Esteem
            1. Taking care of yourself
            2. Looking at positive and negative self-talk
            3. Discarding unsuccessful strategies for improvement
            4. Considering whether you can have too much self-esteem
         4. Enhancing Your Self-Awareness
         5. Designing and Attaining Your Goals
         6. Creating Healthy Relationships
         7. Being Successful at Work
         8. Cultivating Self-Esteem in Others
      2. Chapter 2: Understanding the Impacts of Low Self-Esteem
         1. Discovering the Consequences of Low Self-Esteem
            1. Recognizing what happens when you feel insignificant
            2. Exploring the negative impacts of low self-esteem
         2. Becoming Aware of the Consequences of Doing Nothing
            1. Continuing the feelings of fear and shame
            2. Going into guilt and depression
            3. Maintaining social phobias
            4. Not addressing body image problems
            5. Having poor relationships
            6. Having low self-confidence
            7. Staying stuck at work
            8. Relying on alcohol or drugs
      3. Chapter 3: Where Does Low Self-Esteem Come From?
         1. Understanding How Self-Esteem is Nurtured and Damaged
            1. Considering family impacts
            2. Looking at the influence of your peers
            3. Recognizing how society affected your self-esteem
         2. Examining the Truth of Your Core Beliefs
            1. Identifying common negative core beliefs
            2. Becoming aware of your core beliefs by listening to your inner voice
            3. Tuning into your resulting automatic thoughts
            4. For females: Paying attention to familiar core beliefs
            5. For males: Looking at customary core beliefs
            6. Realizing how your core beliefs create your life
         3. Learning from Past Adversity
            1. Facing and overcoming difficulties
            2. Developing empathy for yourself and others
            3. Trusting your ability to handle problems
      4. Chapter 4: Measuring Your Self-Esteem
         1. Identifying the Indicators of Self-Esteem
         2. Considering Your Life As It Is Now
         3. Creating a Personal Profile
            1. Seeing your strengths
            2. Seeing your weaknesses
         4. Making a Commitment to Transform
         5. Developing the Power to Make Changes
            1. Recognizing that you need to change
            2. Imagining being different
            3. Taking action
            4. Maintaining your new identity
   3. Part II: Expressing a Positive Attitude
      1. Chapter 5: Affirming and Visualizing Your Better Self
         1. Benefiting from Repeating Positive Affirmations
            1. Understanding why affirmations are effective
            2. Reviewing common affirmations
            3. Discovering the tricks of writing your own affirmations
         2. Visualizing Your Growth
            1. Discovering how visualization works
            2. Getting the most out of your visualizations
         3. Finding Your Passion Within
      2. Chapter 6: Nurturing Yourself to Create Happiness
         1. Taking Care of Your Body
            1. Eating healthy foods
            2. Getting enough exercise
            3. Sleeping deeply
         2. Focusing on Positive Emotions
            1. Acting to increase uplifting emotions
            2. Taking control of a bad mood
         3. Fostering a Healthy Mind
            1. Talking to yourself the way a loving parent or best friend would
            2. Finding positive meaning to events
         4. Making Assertive “I” Statements
            1. Disclosing your opinions, wants, and needs
            2. Saying no to others’ requests
            3. Requesting cooperation or support
            4. Confronting a person when there’s a problem
            5. Dealing with aggressive people
            6. Using body language to complement your assertive speech
      3. Chapter 7: Creating a Healthy Body Image
         1. Pinning Down What Body Image Means
            1. The way you see yourself
            2. The way you feel about your body
            3. The thoughts you have about your body
            4. The things you do as a result of your body image
         2. Analyzing How Body Image Is Formed in Your Youth
         3. Examining How Businesses Convince You to Buy Their Products
         4. Evaluating Whether You Judge Yourself Accurately
         5. Reconnecting with Your Body
            1. Stopping the comparisons with others
            2. Eliminating concentrating on a negative body image
            3. Focusing on what you like about the way you look
            4. Making the best of your good features
            5. Promoting a healthy and happy lifestyle
         6. Giving Yourself Credit for Your Entire Personality
   4. Part III: Changing Your Negative Thoughts and Coming to Grips with Being a Perfectionist
      1. Chapter 8: Dealing with Your Negative Self-Talk
         1. Understanding How Self-Talk Can Become Harmful
         2. Challenging the Many Ways You Talk to Yourself
            1. Using mind-reading to create an unhappy story
            2. Predicting a negative outcome is inevitable
            3. Overgeneralizing about things that happen to you
            4. Labeling yourself in a derogatory fashion
            5. Blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault
            6. Focusing on the negative and discounting the positive
         3. Overcoming the Problem of Using “Shoulds”
            1. Recognizing the “shoulds” that make sense
            2. Carrying around learned behaviors
            3. Freeing yourself from your “shoulds”
         4. Harnessing Your Power to Change Your Thinking
            1. Identifying all of your positive qualities
            2. Asking yourself whether your thoughts are reasonable
            3. Detaching from your negative self-talk
            4. Being compassionate with yourself
      2. Chapter 9: Analyzing Perfectionism
         1. Uncovering the Characteristics of Perfectionism
            1. Feeling deeply upset if you make any mistakes
            2. Thinking you’re stupid if you perform imperfectly
            3. Rarely letting others help with your projects
            4. Waiting to do things at the last minute — or maybe not at all
            5. Being defensive if others criticize you
            6. Handling relationships poorly
         2. Becoming Aware of How Perfectionism Begins
            1. Hearing criticism often
            2. Having things done for you
            3. Being compared to another child
            4. Getting little attention or affection
      3. Chapter 10: Dealing Positively with Perfectionism
         1. Being a High Achiever Instead of Being Perfect
         2. Recognizing the Positive Qualities of Doing the Best You Can
         3. Letting Go of Impractical Expectations
         4. Increasing Your Flexibility
            1. Being more flexible at work
            2. Being flexible in your relationships
         5. Retraining Your Perfectionist Tendencies
            1. How you think
            2. How you feel
            3. How you act
   5. Part IV: Growing Your Self-Esteem
      1. Chapter 11: Increasing Your Confidence through Self-Awareness
         1. Getting to Know You
            1. Discovering what you’re capable of
            2. Appreciating the good, the bad — and the ugly
            3. Believing in yourself
         2. Listening to Yourself
            1. Recognizing the sound of your own voice
            2. Meeting life’s challenges
            3. Making important decisions
         3. Developing the Right Attitude
            1. Expanding your mindset
            2. Coming out of the box
            3. Understanding that things may not be what you think they are
            4. Rewiring your thought patterns
         4. Taking Charge of Your Life
            1. Believing in your dreams
            2. Facing new changes
      2. Chapter 12: Moving Beyond the Fear That’s Zapping Your Faith
         1. Using Fear to Help You Grow
            1. Understanding fear and where it comes from
            2. Uncovering your core fears
            3. Developing a friendship with your fears
            4. Knowing your strength beyond what you see
         2. Creating the Faith to Face Your Fears
            1. Realizing the value of increasing your faith
            2. Increasing your self-esteem by increasing your faith
            3. Dealing with big challenges
         3. Getting Your Mind, Mouth, and Motions in Alignment
      3. Chapter 13: Creating and Reaching Your Goals
         1. Measuring Success through Goal-Setting
            1. Checking in with yourself and deciding what’s important to you
            2. Naming your goals
            3. Dealing with missed targets
         2. Accomplishing Your Goals
            1. Inspecting your internal driving forces
            2. Setting long-term goals
            3. Setting short-term goals
            4. Watching out for people and resources to help you
   6. Part V: Dissolving Internal Barriers to Success in Love and Work
      1. Chapter 14: Examining Your Role in Creating Conflicts in Your Relationships
         1. Becoming Aware of Internal Barriers
            1. Looking at the impact of internal barriers
            2. Listening to your body
            3. Using your awareness to move yourself forward
         2. Tracking Your Behavior in Relationships
            1. How to track your behavior
            2. Reflecting on what you’ve learned from your tracking
            3. Appreciating the results
            4. Using the information wisely
         3. Creating Positive Behaviors That Build Lasting Relationships
            1. Building and saving long-time relationships
            2. Backing out of bad relationships with good behavior
      2. Chapter 15: Rewriting Your Love Story
         1. Pinpointing Your Location
         2. Making Friends with Yourself
         3. Assessing What You Like About Yourself
         4. Setting Your Own Standards for Your Happiness
         5. Knowing the Difference between Being Authentic and Inappropriate
         6. Embracing Different Aspects of Your Personality
         7. Accepting Who You Are and Living in Great Anticipation of Who You Can Be
         8. Opening Up To New Opportunities in Life
            1. Understanding your life lessons
            2. Writing yourself a love letter
      3. Chapter 16: Getting Beyond Loving Love
         1. Breaking Through the Fantasy of Love
            1. Understanding what love is
            2. Appreciating what love should look and feel like
            3. Preparing yourself for love
            4. Identifying what you want in a romantic love relationship
            5. Defining the terms of your ideal love relationship
         2. Discovering How to Date Successfully
            1. Dating with confidence
            2. Enjoying the process of dating
            3. Discovering your best dating system
            4. Breaking through feelings of being judged
         3. Building a Lasting Relationship
            1. Liberating yourself from the need to please
            2. Celebrating differences
            3. Protecting yourself
            4. Choosing a mate
            5. Sharing your life
      4. Chapter 17: Improving Personal Relationships
         1. Understanding Relationship Dynamics
            1. Putting your feelings in perspective
            2. Separating your issues from others’
         2. Improving Your Relationships With Your Family
            1. Building relationships with blended and extended family members
            2. Dealing with difficult family members
         3. Detecting Where You Fit within Your Friendships
            1. Creating deeper connections
            2. Overcoming disagreements and hurt feelings
            3. Assessing the value of personal friendships
            4. Knowing when a friendship isn’t right for you
            5. Balancing your old friends with your new future
      5. Chapter 18: Re-Creating Your Image for Professional Success
         1. Building an Effective Personal Brand
         2. Letting Go of Failed Performances
         3. Identifying Your Life Purpose, Message, and Value
            1. Your purpose
            2. Your message
            3. Your value
         4. Packaging Your Image
         5. Nailing the Job You Want
         6. Preparing Yourself for Success
            1. Gearing up
            2. Structuring your day for greater productivity
         7. Positioning Yourself for Success
            1. Nurturing yourself and your relationships for greater professional satisfaction
            2. Moving up and building your self-esteem to support yourself
      6. Chapter 19: Managing Your Relationships at Work
         1. Building Effective Working Relationships
            1. Reflecting on your current work relationships
            2. Improving relationships for leaders
            3. Improving relationships with leadership for employees
            4. Connecting with coworkers
         2. Establishing a Plan for Change
         3. Enduring the Difficult Boss Without Sacrificing Yourself
            1. Communicating effectively with a boss who’s difficult to work for
            2. Addressing disrespectful treatment
      7. Chapter 20: Presenting with Confidence
         1. Exploring the Art of Public Speaking
            1. Paying attention to what’s important
            2. Learning what your audience is looking for
            3. Deciding how to set up your presentation
            4. Putting it all together
         2. Shining During Your Presentation
         3. Letting Go of Fear
         4. Speaking Up Confidently in Meetings
   7. Part VI: Nurturing Self-Esteem in Others
      1. Chapter 21: Helping Family and Friends
         1. Understanding Others and Their Life Journeys
            1. Understanding what’s being said and what isn’t
            2. Showing compassion and listening without judgment
            3. Accurately assessing the situation
            4. Deciding how to best serve
         2. Coaching with Care, Purpose, and Impact
            1. Believing in others when they don’t believe in themselves
            2. Knowing when you’ve done all you can
         3. Teaching Others How to Handle Challenging Times
            1. Grappling with broken relationships
            2. Digging deep to forgive others
      2. Chapter 22: Helping Children and Teens Achieve Healthy Self-Esteem
         1. Helping Children Develop in Complex Societies
            1. Helping your children to understand who they really are
            2. Believing in your children and those you mentor
         2. Creating a Safe Place for Children to Share Their Feelings
            1. Listening attentively
            2. Assessing your child’s needs
            3. Relating your values to your child
            4. Teaching your child to be responsible
            5. Showing children how to handle disappointment
         3. Preparing Teens for Success
            1. Monitoring your child and helping him make good decisions
            2. Staying positive when dealing with a difficult teen
   8. Part VII: The Part of Tens
      1. Chapter 23: Ten Famous People Who Raised Their Self-Esteem
         1. Helen Keller
         2. Thomas Edison
         3. Harriet Tubman
         4. Theodore Roosevelt
         5. Albert Einstein
         6. Mahatma Gandhi
         7. Ralph Waldo Emerson
         8. Abraham Lincoln
         9. Frederick Douglass
         10. Eleanor Roosevelt
      2. Chapter 24: Ten Approaches to Pursuing Excellence
         1. Take Pleasure in What Brings You Satisfaction
         2. Commit to Do What Is Required to Excel
         3. Use Your Knowledge of Yourself and Your Goal
         4. Have Enthusiastic Feelings That Lead to Creativity
         5. Maintain an Upbeat Attitude About Yourself and Your Goal
         6. Stay Focused on What You Want
         7. Be Willing to Share Your Feelings with Others
         8. Accept People for Who They Are and Look for the Good in Them
         9. Have Flexibility and Balance in Your Life
         10. Stick with Your Goal Until It’s Completed
      3. Chapter 25: Ten Tips for Quickly Improving Your Self-Esteem
         1. Become Proficient at Something You Enjoy
         2. Read Websites, Books, and Articles That Uplift You
         3. Review Three Things Every Evening That You Did Well That Day
         4. Eliminate Behaviors That Waste Your Time
         5. Make a List of Your Accomplishments
         6. Ask Others to Go Out
         7. Offer to Teach Your Skills to Someone Who Wants to Learn
         8. Plan an Exciting Trip or Escapade to Do Something Fun
         9. Volunteer for an Organization with a Worthy Cause
         10. Get Started — It’s Time for You to Begin Your New Life!
   9. About the Authors
   10. Cheat Sheet