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AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), 90–91
Abuse, 79, 120–121, 173. See also Substance abuse
Achievements, 146–147, 167, 174
Acting, by Histrionics, 93
Ad hominem argument, of Narcissist Legends, 180–181
Addiction:
anger as, 67
Antisocial need for stimulation and, 25
overcoming addition to excitement, 89
picking battles in dealing with Daredevils, 33
sexual, 170
therapy for Antisocials, 90–91
Adolescent qualities, of Obsessive-Compulsives, 207–209. See also Teenagers
Adoration, Narcissists addicted to, 170, 176
Adultery, Narcissistic Superstars and, 169
Aggression. See also Anger
avoiding hooks, 84
Bullies and, 63–64
history of, 68
in Passive-Aggressives, 111, 113
Alcohol. See also Substance abuse
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), 90–91
Ambiguity:
black-and-white principles of Paranoids and, 228–229
goals of therapy for Paranoids, 249
Paranoids desire to banish, 7
Paranoids intolerant of, 227–228, 232
American Psychiatric Association, 2
Anal-retentiveness, of Obsessive-Compulsives, 6, 197
Anger. See also Bullies
as addiction, 67–68
clouding judgment in relating to Narcissists, 179
fear response to, 65
of Histrionics, 115
how angry people think, 82–83
instinct for aggression and, 63–64
of Narcissistic Superstars, 171–173
of Narcissists, 163
of Obsessive-Compulsives, 200
strategies for dealing with angry people, 83–88
therapy for Antisocials, 90
Antisocials:
anger control, 90
Bullies. See Bullies
Daredevils. See Daredevils
facing consequences of behaviors, 92
goals of therapy, 89–90
Lovable Rogues. See Lovable Rogues
qualities of, 4
self-help, 91–92
summary of, 251
types of lies, 76
Used Car Salesmen. See Used Car Salesmen
Apologies, dealing with Obsessive-Compulsives, 208
Appearance, Histrionics concern for, 98
Approval. See also Praise
Histrionics need for, 5, 93–94, 97
Obsessive-Compulsives and, 203
Attention:
dealing with Passive-Aggressives, 123
Histrionics need for, 5, 93–96, 251
Attention to detail:
of Obsessive-Compulsives, 7, 191, 196
in relating to Hams, 108
Attractiveness, of Antisocials, 22
Bargaining, 84, 175, 185–186. See also Negotiation
Behavior, focusing on behavior not feeling in relating to Narcissists, 186
Betrayal, Paranoids and, 229, 250
Black-and-white principles, of Paranoids, 228–229
Boredom:
Antisocial need for stimulation, 25
Antisocials aversion to, 4, 23
Daredevil behavior and, 28
Narcissists response to others, 147–148
as strategy for dealing with Hams, 108
Boundaries, social systems based on, 10
Brainwashing, Paranoids and, 229
Brinksmanship, game played by Daredevils in social relationships, 36
Bullies:
aggression and, 63–64
anger control and, 90
asking for time to think, 70–71
asking what they want, 72
dealing with, 65–67
doing the unexpected in response to, 67–70
getting to stop yelling, 71
how angry people think, 82–83
hypnotic qualities of, 65
learning from criticism, 72–73
living in a minefield, 80–82
not explain yourself to, 71–72
not taking criticism personally, 72
overview of, 63
strategies for dealing with, 83–88
types of lies, 77
Celebrities, Hams as, 106
Censorship, Obsessive-Compulsives and, 206
Certainty, of Paranoids, 251
Charity work, therapy for Narcissists, 189
Children, resilience of, 49
Cialdini, Robert, 55
Clinical psychology, art and science of, 15
Codependency, 28
Cognitive dissonance, consistency and, 59
Communication, 49–50, 115–119. See also Nonverbal communication
Compartmentalization, Narcissistic Superstars and, 171
Competitiveness, 6, 103, 146–147, 179
Confusion, of Obsessive-Compulsives, 200
Connectedness:
connection as aspect of maturity, 9–10
Histrionics lacking sense of, 95
Narcissistic Superstars and, 171
as source of strength in dealing with emotional vampires, 252
Consequences:
contingencies in dealing with Daredevils, 34, 36
therapy for Antisocials, 92
Conspiracy, Paranoid quests, 236
Contingencies:
dealing with Daredevil adult children, 51–52
dealing with Daredevils, 36
dealing with Hams, 109
dealing with Narcissist Superstars, 176
dealing with Narcissists, 161
dealing with Obsessive-Compulsives, 212
dealing with Paranoids, 246
dealing with Passive-Aggressives, 123–124
internal, 35–36
learning and, 33–34
rewards and, 34–35
right and wrong connected to internal, 75
Contracts, use in dealing with angry people, 88
Control:
as aspect of maturity, 9
Bullies using anger for exerting, 81–82
exercising control in dealing with emotional vampires, 252
fear and, 216
Hams and, 104–105
Narcissistic Superstars and, 171
Obsessive-Compulsives obsessed with, 6, 199, 251
relating to control freaks, 215–218
as top priority for Obsessive-Compulsives, 202
Control freaks, 215–221
Criticism:
of control freaks, 217
dealing with Narcissists, 161–162
inability of Narcissists to accept, 148
learning from, 72–73
not criticizing Hams, 110
not criticizing Narcissists, 183
not taking personally, 72
Obsessive-Compulsives and, 205–206, 224
Cults, Paranoids and, 229
The Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an Age of Diminishing Expectancies (Lasch), 168–169
Cynicism, of Paranoids, 229
Daredevils:
action heros, 39
adult children, 50–52
anticipating problems they overlook, 32
attractiveness of, 28–29
contingencies in dealing with, 33–36
dads as, 47–50
defending against by knowing their history, 31–32
drawing a line regarding substance abuse, 33
ex-husbands as, 44–47
female, 29–30
holding accountable, 32
hypnotic strategies of, 32–33
ignoring tantrums of, 37
influencing questionable decisions by, 30–31
knowing your own limits when relating to, 38
as liars, 42–43
maintaining love relationship with, 39–42
no used in communication with, 36–37
overview of, 27
physiology of excitement and, 27–28
types of lies, 76
as unfaithful lovers, 43–44
verifying claims of, 32
Day-to-day tasks, Hams difficulty in dealing with, 109
Deceit, 53, 244. See also Lies
Dependency, of Histrionics, 98
Depression, 28, 119, 130–132, 171–173
Detail-orientation. See Attention to detail
Dissociation, by Passive-Aggressives, 113
Dogma. See Authority
Dominance, 40–41, 179, 181, 182
Drugs, 27–28, 33. See also Substance abuse
Duplicity, Paranoid behavior inviting, 228
Duty/duty rosters. See On duty strategy
Emotionality, of Histrionics, 97–98
Emotions:
anal-retentiveness of Obsessive-Compulsives, 197
communicating hurt feelings to Obsessive-Compulsives, 205
focusing on behavior not feeling in relating to Narcissists, 186
goals of therapy for Obsessive-Compulsives, 223
of Histrionics, 105
of Narcissists, 148
use of tantrums by emotional vampires, 17
vampires thriving in emotional situations, 19
Excitement:
Antisocials addicted to, 4, 251
bonding with Daredevils, 42
Daredevils addicted to, 27
exploitative nature of emotional vampires, 17–19
overcoming addition to, 89
physiology of, 27–28
understanding Daredevil behavior, 31
Used Car Salesmen partial to thrill of deceit, 53
Extinction burst, tantrums and, 37
Eye contact, lies and, 78
Fans, Hams as, 106
Fear:
of being ordinary in Narcissists, 142, 148
challenge of facing, 10
of doing something wrong in Obsessive Compulsives, 191–192
goals of therapy for Obsessive-Compulsives, 223
need to control and, 216
response to anger, 65
safety in facing, 252
using information to allay, 218
Feedback, in dealing with Passive-Aggressives, 124
Feelings. See Emotions
Females, 93
as Daredevils, 29–30
pathological giving by, 115
socialized to pay attention to needs of others, 41
Ferrari-Toyota dilemma, 22–23
Fight or flight response, 64, 68–69, 70–71
Flatterers, Narcissists as, 148
Followers, Narcissists learning to be, 188
Freud, 94
Friendliness, strategies of Used Car Salesmen, 56
Frustration, of Histrionics, 115
Fun, Antisocials need for, 21–22, 28–29
Gambling, Daredevil behavior and, 33
Give and take, social systems based on reciprocity, 10
Golden Rule, 144
Gossip, Histrionics and, 93, 129–130
Grandiosity, of Narcissists, 146–147, 151, 165
Gratification:
Antisocial need for stimulation, 25
Antisocials demanding immediate, 21
emotional vampires wanting it now, 17
internal contingencies in delay of, 35
learning how to delay, 89
Gratitude, Narcissists and, 156, 175
Green-Eyed Monsters, 235, 241–244
Grumbling, igoring male grumbling, 41
Hams:
celebrities, fans, and wannabees, 106
characteristics of, 104–105
dealing with a drama queen, 128–129
hypnotic qualities of, 103–104
illness as theater, 105
overview of, 101–103
protecting yourself from, 106–110
Happiness, being right vs., 40–41
Harassment, dealing with Narcissist Superstars, 173
High-self-esteem syndrome, 120–121
Histrionics:
be clear in dealing with, 133–134
causes of emotional storms, 94–95
characteristics of, 95–99
dealing with drama queens, 128–129
depression in, 130–132
dilemma of, 95
goals of therapy, 137
gossip and, 129–130
Hams. See Hams
male histrionics, 134–135
manipulation and, 133
martial arts of, 127–128
overview of, 93–94
passive-aggressive. See Passive-Aggressive Histrionics
professional help, 138
protecting yourself from, 99
qualities of, 5
scheduling appointments with, 133–134
selecting therapeutic approach to, 140
self-help, 138–139
summary of, 251
taking content literally, 132–133
types of lies, 76
Hoarders, Obsessive-Compulsives as, 197
Honesty, 61, 139. See also Deceit; Lies
Hyperbole, Histrionics thinking in, 104
Identity, Hams lacking, 106
If-then contingencies, dealing with Daredevils, 33–36
Illegal behavior, Antisocials and, 21
Illnesses:
as communication by Passive-Aggressives, 115–119
related to Histrionics, 98
as theater, 105
Imagination. See Fantasy
Immaturity, 3, 11–12, 15–16, 20. See also Maturity and mental health
Impulsiveness, of Antisocials, 26
Incompetence, Narcissistic Superstars reaction to, 172
Indecisiveness, of Obsessive-Compulsives, 197
Infidelity, Daredevils as unfaithful lovers, 43–44
Insatiable needs, of Narcissistic Superstars, 166–169
Intelligence, Narcissists and, 143–144, 146, 151, 153
Internal contingencies, 35–36, 75, 89–91, 94. See also Contingencies
Internet, recognizing crazy ideas and, 238
Intimacy, Paranoids and, 228, 232
Journalizing, Obsessive-Compulsives and, 224
Judgment, relating to Narcissists and, 224
Justice, punishment and, 193
Lasch, Christopher, 168–169
Leadership, by Narcissists, 143
Learning: consequences in, 34
contingencies in dealing with Daredevils, 36
from criticism, 72–73
Narcissists and, 156
Lectures, control freaks and, 217
Legends in Their Own Minds. See Narcissistic Legends
Lies:
Daredevils as liars, 42–43
differentiating from truth, 75–77
Hams and, 108
how to tell if someone is lying, 77–78
infidelity and, 44
living with liars, 75
protecting yourself from, 78–80
reasons why emotional vampires lies, 53
verifying claims by Daredevils, 32
verifying claims by Narcissists, 160
Limited time offers, strategies of used car salesmen, 59
Loans, giving money to Daredevil adult children, 51–52
Lovable Rogues:
charm of, 26
Ferrari-Toyota dilemma illustrating, 22–23
impulsiveness of, 26
need for stimulation, 25
overview of, 21–22
recognizing Antisocials, 23–25
Love relationships:
Hams and, 104
hypnotic quality of Daredevils impacting, 30–31
maintaining with Daredevils, 39–42
never agreeing to tests of love in dealing with Paranoid jealousy, 243–244
Magic, Hams belief in, 108
Males:
as Antisocials, 40
history of male domination, 115
Manipulation:
anger use by Bullies, 82–83
giving strategy of Passive-Aggressives, 115
by Hams, 102
Histrionics and, 133
Narcissist Superstars and, 167–168
not rewarding manipulative behavior, 35
as strategy, 87
Maturity and mental health:
causes leading people to become emotional vampires, 11
challenges in, 10
everybody and nobody rule, 12
feeling of connection and, 9–10
immaturity vs. evil, 11–12
perception of control in, 9
recognizing own tendencies towards personality disorders, 12–13
Men. See Males
Mental health. See Maturity and mental health
Milgram, Stanley, 60
Minefield technique, 80–83
Naiveté, of Paranoids, 229
Name-calling, 91
Narcissistic Legends:
ad hominem argument of, 180–181
how the legend prevents success, 153–155
hypnotic qualities of, 155–157
overview of, 151–153
protecting yourself from, 159–163
socializing with, 158–159
Narcissistic Superstars:
depression and anger of, 171–173
hypnotic qualities of, 169
insatiable needs of, 166–169
overview of, 165–166
protecting yourself from, 173–178
sex and, 169–171
Narcissistic supplies, 142, 155, 176, 180
Narcissists:
achievements of, 146–147
ad hominem argument of Narcissist Legends, 180–181
bargaining with, 185–186
boredom in relating to others, 147–148
characteristics of, 144–146
competitiveness of, 146–147
damaged by being made to feel special, 189
entitlement of, 146–147
focusing on behavior not feeling in relating to, 186
gaining the high ground in argument with, 183–184
grandiosity of, 146–147
how to relate to, 148–149
inability to accept criticism, 148
lack of empathy in, 148
Legends in Their Own Minds. See Narcissistic Legends
life experience of, 142–143
mixed feelings evoked by, 143–144
not accepting nonverbal communication from, 184–185
not criticizing, 183
not engaging, 181
overview of, 141–142
professional help, 187
qualities of, 5–6
relating to, 179–180
relating to during holiday seasons, 184
Rotary Rule banning discussion of politics and religion, 181
self-esteem and, 144
self-help, 187–189
summary of, 251
Superstars. See Narcissistic Superstars
turning the tables on, 181–182
types of lies, 76–77
Narcissus, myth of, 141
Negotiation, 40–41, 83–84. See also Bargaining
“No,” in communication with emotional vampires, 19, 36–37, 50
Nonverbal communication, 184–185
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), 191
Obsessive-Compulsives:
characteristics of, 194–197
dealing with adolescent qualities of, 207–209
dilemma in behavior of, 197
handling marriage to a control freak, 218–221
how much is too much, 193
life experience of, 192–193
overview of, 191–192
Perfectionists. See Perfectionists professional help, 223–224
protecting yourself from, 210–213
punishment and, 193–194
Puritans. See Puritans
qualities of, 6–7
relating to control freaks, 215–218
response to therapy, 225
self-help, 224–225
summary of, 251
types of lies, 76–77
OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), 191
On duty strategy, 41–42, 48, 84, 202
Order, Obsessive-Compulsives and, 194. See also Control
Outrageousness, of Hams, 107
Paranoia, 227
Paranoids:
characteristics of, 230–233
dealing with, 244–247
Green-Eyed Monsters. See Green-Eyed Monsters
hypnotic qualities of, 236
life experience of, 229
overview of, 227–228
professional help, 249
purity of black-and-white principles, 228–229
qualities of, 7–8
quests of, 235–236
recognizing crazy ideas of, 238–240
religion and, 241
self-help, 250
summary of, 251
types of lies, 77
Visionaries. See Visionary Paranoids
Parties, Antisocials need for fun, 21
Passive-Aggressive Histrionics:
giving until it hurts, 115
gossip and, 129–130
high-self-esteem syndrome, 120–121
hypnotic qualities of, 120
illness as communication, 115–119
Narcissistic Superstars and, 172–173
overview of, 111–114
protecting yourself from, 121–126
relating to, 128
Perception of similarity, strategies of Used Car Salesmen, 56–58
Perceptivity, of Paranoids, 228, 231–232
Perfectionism, 7, 111–112, 196–197
Perfectionists:
anger of, 200
characteristics of, 204–205
confusion regarding product vs. process, 201–202
dealing with, 205–206
hypnotic qualities of, 200–201
overview of, 199
priorities of, 202–203
Persecution, paranoid delusions, 7
Personality disorders:
Antisocials, 4
causes of, 11
emotional vampires and, 2
Histrionics, 5
Narcissists, 5–6
Obsessive-Compulsives, 6–7
Paranoids, 7–8
recognizing own tendencies towards, 12–13
types of, 2–3
Philandering, Narcissistic Superstars and, 169
Physical symptoms, related to Histrionics, 98
Physiology, of excitement, 27–28
Politeness, rules of social behavior, 35–36
Posttraumatic stress, illnesses of Passive Aggressives, 119
Praise:
dealing with Hams, 109–110
dealing with Narcissists, 161
Obsessive-Compulsives and, 7, 199, 203–204
Obsessive-Compulsives responding to, 221
in therapy for Obsessive-Compulsives, 224
Primary gain, of Histrionics, 119
Prioritization, 202–203, 206, 224
Product vs. process, 201–202, 205, 224–225
Professional help:
for Histrionics, 138
for Narcissists, 187
for Obsessive-Compulsives, 223–224
for Paranoids, 249
Promises, keeping, 92
Psychoses, contrasted with personality disorders, 2
Psychosomatic illnesses, of Passive-Aggressives, 118–119
Punishment:
not using when dealing with Passive-Aggressives, 124
Obsessive-Compulsives and, 193–194, 206
Paranoids and, 229
unwanted side effects of, 35
Puritans:
anger of, 200
characteristics of, 206
hypnotic qualities of, 200–202
overview of, 199
priorities of, 202–203
Questions, in communicating with emotional vampires, 85–86, 139, 182, 202
Relaxation, in therapy for Obsessive-Compulsives, 224
Respect, bargaining with Narcissist Superstars, 175
Responsibility, 17, 36, 50, 104
Revenge, Paranoids and, 233
Right, being right vs. being happy, 40–41
Rigidity, of Obsessive-Compulsives, 191, 196
Role playing, by Hams, 128–129
Romantic relationships. See Love relationships
Rotary Rule, 181
Rules:
Antisocial need for stimulation and, 25
Antisocials learning to live by someone else’s rules, 89
entitlement of emotional vampires and, 17
living by the letter of the law, 91
Narcissists playing by, 188
Obsessive-Compulsives and, 202
structuring Daredevil behavior, 32
Sales pitches: do it because everyone else is, 59
do it because I am an authority, 60–61
do it because you like me, 55–58
do it because you owe me (reciprocation), 58–59
do it or else, 60
do it to be consistent, 59–60
offer good for limited time, 59
Salesmen, Daredevils as, 32. See also Used Car Salesmen
Secondary gain, of Histrionics, 119
Seduction, Narcissistic Superstars and, 169
Self expression, illnesses as, 117
Self-absorption, of Narcissists, 141
Self-destructive choices, 36
Self-esteem:
goals of therapy for Histrionics, 137
high-self-esteem syndrome, 120–121
Self-help:
for Antisocials, 91–92
for Histrionics, 138–139
for Narcissists, 187–189
for Obsessive-Compulsives, 224–225
Paranoids, 250
Selfishness, characteristics of emotional vampires, 16
Self-serving nature, of Narcissists, 6
Sensitivity, in dealing with Passive-Aggressives, 124
Sex:
Daredevils as unfaithful lovers, 43–44
dealing with Daredevils, 33
dealing with Narcissist Superstars, 176
Narcissistic Superstars and, 169–171
Sexual harassment, Hams and, 103, 107
Sickness. See Illnesses
Small talk, Histrionics and, 93
Soldiers, roles for Daredevils, 50–52
Sounds too good to be true, 78
Spending, dealing with Daredevils, 33
Splitting personality, by Passive-Aggressives, 113
Status, Narcissists obsessed with, 147
Stimulation, Antisocials need for, 25
Structure, dealing with Daredevils, 32, 41, 47–48
Submission, dominance and, 179
Suffering in silence, characteristics of Passive-Aggressives, 115
Suggestibility, of Histrionics, 98
Superlatives, Histrionics thinking in, 104
Superstars. See Narcissistic Superstars
Talent, Narcissists and, 143–144, 151
Tantrums:
Antisocials using to get own way, 23, 26
characteristics of emotional vampires, 17
dealing with Bullies, 81
dealing with Daredevils, 37
dealing with Hams, 110
dealing with Narcissist Superstars, 173, 177
dealing with Narcissists, 163
dealing with Obsessive-Compulsives, 213
dealing with Paranoids, 247
dealing with Passive-Aggressives, 125
Teamwork, Narcissistic Superstars inabilities as team player, 175
Teenagers, 29, 207–209, 216, 218
Therapy, approaches to dealing with immaturity, 12–13
Therapy, for Antisocials:
addiction, 90–91
anger control, 90
facing consequences of behaviors, 92
goal of, 89–90
overview of, 89
self-help, 91–92
Therapy, for Histrionics:
goal of, 137
professional help, 138
selecting approach to, 140
self-help, 138–139
Therapy, for Narcissists:
goal of, 187
professional help, 187
self-help, 187–189
what causes more damage, 189
Therapy, for Obsessive-Compulsives:
goals of, 223
professional help, 223–224
self-help, 224–225
Therapy, for Paranoids:
professional help, 249
self-help, 250
Trust:
Antisocials as loners, 21
in authority, 60
distrust as quality of Paranoids, 228
goals of therapy for Paranoids, 249
Paranoid jealousy and, 244
Paranoids and, 232–233
Unconscious, Histrionics and, 94
Unfaithful lovers, Daredevils as, 43–44
Unpredictability, of Paranoids, 232
Unspoken communication. See Nonverbal communication
Used Car Salesmen:
differentiating lies from truth, 75–77
do it because everyone else is, 59
do it because I am an authority, 60–61
do it because you like me, 55–58
do it because you owe me (reciprocation), 58–59
do it or else, 60
do it to be consistent, 59–60
effective use of lying, 79
honesty and, 61
how to tell if someone is lying, 77–78
hypnotic qualities, 55
living with liars, 78–80
offer good for limited time, 59
overview of, 53–55
protecting yourself from lies, 78–80
types of lies, 77
Vindictiveness, Paranoids and, 233
Visionary Paranoids:
overview of, 236–238
recognizing crazy ideas of, 238–240
types of Paranoids, 235
Willpower, in dealing with Daredevils, 31
Women. See Females
Words:
being attentive to actions not words, 123
dealing with Narcissistic Superstars, 177
dealing with Narcissists, 161
dealing with Obsessive-Compulsives, 208–209, 212–213
dealing with Paranoids, 245–247
dealing with Passive-Aggressives, 124–125
Work, love of work in Obsessive-Compulsives, 194
Written agreements, dealing with Daredevil adult children, 52