R.E.A.
M.L.E.
Introductionto the Tenth Edition
How Did Your Perfect Right Get That Way?
What’s Been Happening with Assertiveness?
— Robert E. Alberti
Part I : You and Your Perfect Right
CHAPTER 1: Assertiveness and You
What Gets in the Way of Self-Expression?
How Can You Benefit from This Book?
Chapter 2: How Assertive Are You Now?
Chapter 3: Keep Track of Your Growth
Making Your Journal Work for You
Part II : Discovering Assertiveness
Chapter 4: Whose Perfect Right?
Are Some More Equal Than Others?
Assertive Women in the Twenty-First Century
Living in a Multicultural, Pluralistic World
What Does Background Have to Do with Assertiveness?
Society Often Discourages Assertiveness
Chapter 5: What It Means to Be Assertive
Assertive, Nonassertive, and Aggressive Behavior
Assertiveness and Personal Boundaries
Cultural Differences in Self-Assertion
“But Isn’t Aggression Just Human Nature?”
Classifying Behavior: “A Rose by Any Other Name…”
Social Consequences of Assertion
Assertiveness in the Twenty-First Century
Eleven Key Points About Assertive Behavior
Chapter 6: “Can You Give Me an Example?”
Recognizing Your Own Nonassertive and Aggressive Behavior
Chapter 7: Set Goals for Yourself
“How Do I Know What I Want or Need?”
“Hello, Needs? It’s Me, Tim Id.”
A Behavioral Model for Personal Growth
Chapter 8: It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It!
The Components of Assertive Behavior
Voice Tone, Inflection, and Volume
Check Out Your “Component Competence”
Chapter 9: Assertive Messages — Twenty-First-Century Style
Written Messages — Online or Snail Mail
Chapter 10: Thinking Assertively
Self-Expression and Your Brain
Your Attitude Toward Becoming Assertive
Thoughts That Get in the Way of Self-Assertion
Helpful Aids for Handling Thoughts
“What Else Can I Do About My Thoughts?”
Are Some More Equal Than Others?
Chapter 11: There’s Nothing to Be Afraid Of
Finding Your Fears: The SUD Scale
Methods for Overcoming Anxiety
Meditation, Breathing, Relaxation Training, and Mindfulness
Irrational Beliefs and Self-Talk
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
Chapter 12: It’s a Skill You Can Learn
Changing Behavior and Attitudes
Chapter 13: Take It One Step at a Time
The Step-by-Step Process for Increasing Your Assertiveness
Part IV : Building Assertive Relationships
Chapter 14: Assertiveness Builds Equal Relationships
The Battle of the Sexes Is Over…and It’s a Draw!
Assertiveness in a Shrinking World
Chapter 15: All in the Family: Assertiveness for Parents, Children, and Seniors
Grandparents Can Be Assertive Too
Assertiveness and Balance in the Family System
Chapter 16: Assertiveness, Intimacy, and Sexuality
Are Intimacy and Sex the Same Thing?
Some Basic Skill Areas of Assertive Sexuality
Assertiveness and Equality in Intimate Relationships
Part V : Applying Your Assertiveness
Chapter 17: Anger 101: It’s Not a Four-Letter Word
What Do We “Know” That’s Not So?
Anger Myth #1: Anger Is a Behavior
Anger Myth #2: You Should Be Afraid of Your Buried Anger
Anger Myth #3: An Angry Person Is a Human Steam Kettle
Anger Myth #4: Venting Is Good for Your Health
Anger Myth #5: Anger Needs to Be Expressed
Anger Myth #6: Tell Other People but Not the Person You’re Angry With
“Okay, Okay, Enough with the Myths: What Are the Facts About Anger?”
Anger May Be Hazardous to Your Health
Chapter 18: Anger 102: What You Can Do About It
Respond Assertively When It’s Worth It to Express Your Anger
When Someone Else Is Angry with You
Thirteen Steps to Effective Conflict Resolution
Add It Up: 33 + 8 + 13 = 4 — Keys for Coping with the Anger in Your Life
Chapter 19: Must We Put Up with Put-Downs?
Dealing with Criticism, Within and Without
Direct Verbal Put-Downs: “You Fool!”
Indirect Verbal Put-Downs: “Nice Work, for a Woman.”
Nonverbal Put-Downs: Dirty Looks and Obscene Gestures
Self Put-Downs: “I’m Such a Jerk.”
Chapter 20: Assertiveness Works at Work Too
Assertiveness in the Workplace
Can the “New Kid on the Block” Be Assertive?
Keeping Your Priorities Straight
More On-the-Job Situations for Practice
Chapter 21: Dealing with Difficult People
1. Changing Your Cognitions, Attitudes, Thoughts: “It’s All in How You Look At It”
3. Taking Direct Action: “Don’t Talk to Me Like That!”
4. Syntonics: “Tune In, Turn On, Talk Back”
5. Lifemanship: “What’s That on Your Cheek?”
6. Solutions: “No-Fault Insurance”
7. Withdrawal: “The Engagement Is Off!”
8. Humor: “And the World Laughs with You”
9. Knowing Your Audience: “Not in Front of the Children”
10. Requesting Clarification: “Say What?”
11. Changing the Scene: “Build a Level Playing Field”
The Situation Is Serious, but Not Hopeless
Part VI : Living an Assertive Life
Chapter 22: Deciding When to Be Assertive — or Not
“So How Do I Know When Action Is Called For?”
2. How Much Does It Matter to You?
3. What Is the Probability That You’ll Get What You Want?
4. Are You Looking for a Specific Outcome or Just to Express Yourself?
6. Are You Looking for a Positive Outcome?
7. Do You Have Assertive Attitudes, Skills, and Intent?
9. Would It Be Better to Wait Until Tomorrow?
10. Will You Kick Yourself If You Don’t Take Action?
11. Have You Done Everything You Can to Remove or Reduce the Obstacles to Your Desired Outcome?
12. What Are the Probable Consequences and Realistic Risks of Your Possible Assertion?
13. Will Assertion Make Any Difference? Will It Change the Situation?
Chapter 23: When Assertiveness Doesn’t Work
An Issue That May Require Intervention on a Number of Fronts
Chapter 24: Helping Others Deal with the New Assertive You
How Does It Look from Outside?
Be Aware of Your Impact on Others
Include a Friend in Your Learning Process
Chapter 25: Beyond Assertiveness
Assertiveness and Holistic Health
Assertiveness and Common Sense
Membership in the Human Community
Appendix: Assertiveness Practice Situations
School and Community Situations
Online Psychology and Self-Help Resources
Online Resources Mentioned in the Text