Contents

FOREWORD: Good Advice

PREFACE: This Is Not about What You Must Do

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Thanks for Your Help

INTRODUCTION: The Reason for This Book

Pastoral Basis

Death, the Ever-Present Reality

Difference between a Funeral, a Celebration of Life, and a Memorial

CHAPTER 1: Rites of Passage in a Secular World

Non-Religious Services

The Importance of Language

The Grey Areas

CHAPTER 2: Biblical Roots

CHAPTER 3: Pastoral Care for the Dying Person

Is the Person Dying? How Long Will It Take?

What Is Going on with the Dying Person and Their Family?

A Positive Presence with the Dying Person

A Conversation Where There Is Little Response

Talking to the Dying Person about the Service

Prayer with the Dying Person

Readings, Sacred and Secular

The Sacrament of Holy Communion (Eucharist)

Permission to Die

A Person of Little or No Faith

A Service of Saying Goodbye

How Will We Live on after Death?

Organ Donation

Self-Care for the Worship Leader in a Pastoral Role

CHAPTER 4: At the Time of Death and After

With Family Present

The Secular Approach

When the Pastoral Caregiver Is Not Present at Time of Death

Contact with the Funeral Home When the Pastoral Caregiver Is Not Present

Contact with the Faith Community/Church (your own)

Contact with the Faith Community/Church (not your own)

CHAPTER 5: A Good Death

CHAPTER 6: Response to Wishes of the Person Who Has Died

No Service

CHAPTER 7: Changing Roles of Worship Leader and Funeral Director

Worship Leader as Funeral Coordinator

Ushers and Funeral Helpers

Role of the Worship Leader (other location)

No Funeral Home

Green Funerals

CHAPTER 8: Concerning the Family

Gathering Information

What Was She Like?

Life Story

Family Relationships

Writing the Service Material

Family Disagreements

Family Feelings about the Death

An Unpleasant Person Dies

Death as Relief

We Could Have Done More

Other Family Members

The Service Content

Fees

Pastoral Care to the Grieving Family

Death of a Pet

CHAPTER 9: Suicide

Appropriate Language

Those in Pain

The Meditation

CHAPTER 10: Death of a Child

CHAPTER 11: Children and Their Grief

CHAPTER 12: Speaking about the Deceased

Worship Leader’s Meditation

Eulogies, Tributes, and Talks

How to Write a Eulogy

Combined Family Eulogy

Eulogy Delivery

CHAPTER 13: Before the Service

Pre-funeral Gathering (Visitation)

A Collage or a Video

Skype or Streamed in Real Time

Physical Objects and Pets

Fraternal Organizations

Checklists

CHAPTER 14: What Makes for a Good Funeral?

Pastoral Relationship

The Way He Died

Scripture and Secular Readings

Thanksgiving

Faith of the Deceased

Needs of the Faith Community

Needs of Those with No Faith Community

Gospel Hope

Good Music

How Many Hymns?

Challenging Requests

Moving Away from Golden Oldies

Speaking to the Loss

Loved One’s Presence

Will the Service Be Worthy?

CHAPTER 15: Post-funeral Pastoral Care

Post-funeral Grief Work

The Meaning of Grief

Listening and Not Listening

Stages of Grief

Practical Actions

Faith Community and Spiritual Care

Local Support Groups

Grief and Clinical Depression

Alcohol and Drugs

Signs of a New Direction

Marking the Anniversary

CHAPTER 16: Other Cultures, Other Faiths

Aboriginal Persons

Newcomers from Africa and Asia

Christian and Buddhist

CHAPTER 17: The Funeral or Life Celebration Service

Service Choices

Typical Service Order

Service Content

Service of Committal

Location of Committal

Graveside Service

Family-Led Burial of Ashes

Secular Celebrations

Secular Committal Service

CHAPTER 18: Meditations

1. Older Person (some faith)

2. Accidental Death of a Child

3. Celebration of Life (non-religious)

4. A Good and Faithful Person

5. A Young Woman (cancer)

6. Older Man of Faith (years of dementia)

7. A Well-Loved Family Member

8. A Person Who Took Her Own Life

9. A Person Who Took Her Own Life (2)

10. Older Woman (faith background)

11. Older Man (the “right time” to die)

12. Older Woman (faith community member)

13. A Humble Woman

14. A Backyard Event

15. An Accidental Death

16. Celebrating the Life of a Fisher (non-religious)

17. Celebrating the Life of an Artist (non-religious)

18. A Faithful Life with Many Changes

19. A Gifted, Challenged Person

20. A Respected Family Person (not churchgoer)

21. An Abusive Person

22. A Well-Loved Pet

23. A Prodigal Son

APPENDIX 1: Checklists

Worship Leader’s Checklist (own church)

Usher’s/Funeral Service Helper’s Checklist

Worship Leader’s Checklist (other location)

APPENDIX 2: Readings

Bible Readings

Love Crosses the Gulf between the Generations

God Does Not Close the Gap

The Cost

Meditations of the Heart

Remembering

A Statement about Death

Death Is Only an Horizon.

Gone Only from Our Sight

Journey of Life (traditional Hebrew prayer)

Memories

If I Should Go Before the Rest of You

Hospital

To Lose a Child

Grief Is a Process, Recovering Is Your Choice

Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night

A Poem

Pilgrim’s Epitaph

A Dimension beyond Each Season

Remember Me

Other Resources